11/9/09 Houston Sports FaF Smear

Song of the Day: Them Crooked Vultures – “Mind Eraser (No Chaser)“

Ching(a) tu Madre

 

It wasn’t only the Houston Cougars that were up to last-minute heroics this past weekend. The Houston Dynamo, obviously feeling the positive vibes on the field at Robertson had a little late game magic of their own. Brian Ching, in the 96th minute scored on a tremendous volley to send the Dynamee into the western conference championship game against the LA Bekhams Galaxy.

You can view the highlights of the game here (and skip ahead to the 3:00 mark for the goal, though you’ll miss out on all the splendor of listening to Spanish language announcing).

For those of you making the roadie, the Western Conference Championship is at 8PM on this coming Friday. For those of you hunkering down in the confines of your own home to watch the game (uh huh, yeah right) that’s a very late 10PM start time. Surely all of you will be putting off your plans for a night out on Washington Avenue to take part as history is made…

Let’s not wait five days to make history. Let’s right here with your Houston sports updates:

July 22nd Houston FaF Smear (and UFL “news”)

But you still read. I must admit, I don’t believe in it, but I see why you get sucked in.

Yep, this is going to work out.

With the above visual representation you might think that former Bills quarterback, JP Losman is going to sign with the UFL instead of the NFL next season. But, you would be wrong. Actually, JP Losman is going to sign with the UFL instead of the NFL next season. Yeah, I know that’s the same sentence, but it’s hard enough to wrap my head around this situation as it is.

Never mind the fact that Losman probably earns enough money as a back-up in the NFL that he could potentially buy a majority stake in one of the UFL teams, he’s going to jump behind the helm of one. Respectability all around everyone! Nothing says “join us, Michael Vick” like having JP Losman on a roster.

Look, I’m all for more football. There’s a void in my life, my heart, my soul. The fooseball fills that emptiness. With the UFL my cup may very well floweth over. But, in reality, watching a second-rate product full of has-beens, wannabes and players that are too egotistical to keep a job as a back-up isn’t going to do the trick. The UFL is NFL Europe without the shiny mesh t-shirts and preponderance of hairy pitted women.

The point of the UFL in my mind is to be a type of training ground, a stepping stone to the NFL. It’s not going to be a competitor for ratings. It should not be a competitor for talent.

JP Losman, you disgusted me years ago when I fell for you one good game and picked you up off my fantasy football waiver wire. Now you’ve gone and done did it again. Damn you.

On to your Houston sports updates:

July 17th Houston Sports FaF Smear (and Ching Kong)

Nothing is certain, time slips away. The world may be ending, but it ain’t happening today, today, today.

Ta-da!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody’s a glory whore these day… not glory hole. Dirty. The world is just way too connected. And, you know what? For the most part that’s not a problem.  The real problem is when all those avenues start getting policed in traditional methods.

Take the example of Brian Ching. Just like everyone else he has Twitter account for twatting. He has very important things to say, direct to the public without the mass media filter. Sometimes you just have to get things off your chest, like, “Touche @stuholden22, got a little retribution. At least you haven’t put a pic up of that terrible new dyed hair of yours.” It’s really important, see?

Sometimes people things too far… Yesterday someone twatted at us that they were “more of a sausage girl” when we were offering pizzas topped with pepperoni and 9mm bullets as per Blackstone’s post.  That’s just dirty. Keep it in the bedroom, @LizButts. Ching Kong took it too far when he criticized the referees in the most recent Dynamo game (a loss to Seattle FC).

The specific tweet in question was “Ref in seattle just cheated the dynamo. What a joke. Not even close. Ref is a cheat.” Oh no he didn’t!! And to show the utter disparity between the MLS and other professional sports leagues, the higher ups levied a $500 fine on Ching. Wow. That’s really sending a message. Then again, Big Hitter probably makes more per year than the average MLSer.

It’s time for the old codgers in charge to find a new way to deal with this flux toward a more communicative world. To be fair, the only dude I know with season tickets to the Dynamo and pays attention to the away games said that the reason for Ching’s tweet was a reason for someone for some to call the ref a cheater. I’ll take his word for it.

On to the rest of your Houston Sports updates:

July 3rd Houston Sports FaF Smear (and WTF)

I will talk you back from the edge. I will be your turn your tide. Be your sheperd and your guide.

Besty best friends!!

Let me explain how my brain works (or in this case “doesn’t work”) from a day to day stand point.  I met some friends up at Cedar Creek in the Heights, so the obvious disclaimer here is that liquid inebriants were involved.  Still, what follows is a bit of dumbassery.

I’m was barely paying attention to the Women’s Wimbledon Semi-Finals.  Elena Dementieva seemed to have complete control over Serena Williams.  Every time I looked up it seemed like Serena was hobbling up and down the baseline, beaten in spirit, will and on the scoreboard.  Even though they were trading games in the final set I assumed it obvious that Dementieva would be the eventual winner.  As they walked off the court it seemed that was the result.

Sometime during that scintillating match, right after Serena was done bouncing her boobies for ESPN after winning a point, a game-break occured announcing that Ron Artest had signed a three-year deal.  SWEET!  A three-year deal!  That means that he has some inside information and Yao Ming is going to be back, everything is going to be perfect and we’re all going to be one big happy family.

Well, guess what?  Serena Williams will be part of another all-Williams sister major final.  And, (more importantly) Ron Artest didn’t sign a three year deal with the Rockets… HE SIGNED WITH THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS!!  He announced it live on SportsCenter!  He didn’t Tweet about it, let his agent actually finalize the deal or allow the team to announce in a press conference.  He circumvented everything and showed up in Bristol with a “So Gutta” hat on to announce his move.  Ridiculous.

The overall question is “why?”  Why would you do this Ron-Ron?  Lakers, are you serious?  This move makes no sense for you.  Daryl Morey, what are you going to do about it?  Oh, you’re going to sign Trevor Ariza?  Ok, I guess I can live with that.

Sheesh… on to your other Houston sports updates:

June 3rd Houston Sports FaF Smear (and Super Regionals)

I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream at the top of my lungs “what’s going on?!“

Houston? Houston? No Houston?

Not sure if you can read that, not sure that you care… definitely not sure if I care, but this is the bracket for the NCAA Super Regionals that will be starting on Friday, June 5th.

Rice made the cut after the game one scare against Kansas State and will face Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge on Friday.  The two programs have 21 College World Series appearances between them and should make for a good match up of perennial powerhouses.  Consider me exhausted from pretending to be interested.

The other Texas-based match-up will be between Texas Christian University and the University of Texas (no capitalization on the article, “the”).  UT has been to the CWS 32 times all on it’s own (great, another thing for them to brag about) and have won it all six times.  TCU is just happy to be this far never having gone to Omaha for the final leg.

So, there you have it.  You can pick from those three if you have state pride – which, if you read the comments on the NBA’s All Titty-Baby Team, you’ll realize TRG has NO(!) state pride whatsoever – or, if you prefer, take the classic underdog pick with C-USA brethren, Southern Miss (lowest seed in the Super Regionals at #3).

June 5th, everybody.  Wait with baited breath!!

On to your Houston sports updates:

May 24th Houston Sports FaF Smear

You better learn to crawl before I walk away.

Two scoops, please.

We all have to admit that even though the home team is out of contention these NBA Playoffs have been pretty darn entertaining.  Gee, golly.

Even though the Nuggets seem content throwing away the game (literally) on bad inbounds pass after bad inbounds pass every game has been close.  No 30 or 40 point blowouts.  Each of the underdogs seem like they have a chance.  Not even just a chance.  Everybody seems even.  There is no turning the game off half way through the fourth quarter because the game is out of question.  This is obviously part of the vast conspiracy of David Stern.

The Lakers beat the Nuggets 103-97 (in case you missed it and Fourth and Fifty is your only sporting news source) last night to take a 2-1 lead in the series.  Tonight, the Magic are back home with the all-important home-court advantage against the Cavaliers.  Will LeBron pull out another ridiculous shot to win the game with one second on the clock that I miss because I’m taking a piss?  Let’s hope so(?).

And now a message from your Houston sports:

Daily FaF Smear (3/27/09)

The one where the FaF crew’s masculinity is at stake.

You think the outcome is good... but, it's not.

The last C-USA team standing (the only one that was allowed to stand) has fallen in the NCAA Tournament.  Mizzou upset the big dogs from our lovely conference 102-91.  I’m having a little bit of a hard time wrapping my head around that number.  Memphis gave up one-hundred and two points??

After watching three horror shows against the Memphis Tigers this past season against the University of Houston I figured things would end a bit differently.  The one thing that separated the Tigers from a lot of the other teams in the field this year was their defence fueled by ridiculous athleticism.  They just didn’t come into play last night.

Mizzou had the defending runner-ups as deep as twenty-four points in the hole last night.  I suppose this can be seen as some kind of retribution for us C-USA fans that have been suffering point deficits such as that one all season long (for the last 3 seasons, but who’s counting).  Memphis got a little taste of their own medicine last night.

But, the worst part about all the happenings of last night is that the only girl (the ONLY girl) in Fourth and Fifty’s NCAA pool is now on top.  This can’t happen.  This won’t happen.  Not that I can do anything to stop it.  I think I’ve been mathematically eliminated already… Someone stop this insanity!!!

The following is an announcement from your Houston sports updates:

Daily FaF Smear (3/22/09)

The one where Reginald Blackstone’s championship pick is already out.

Things are back to the way they should be.

Is it right to “hate” someone when that person tends to ignore your existence or is that the only reason?  There’s no fun in that.  UT and A&M have always been the target of UH fans.  UT more so.  But, why?  Penis envy?  Funds envy?  Jock envy?  Either way, I picked against both UT and A&M in the first round in my bracket.  It’s nice to see that even though I was wrong they didn’t make it past the second.

I have no justification for my bias whatsoever.  I have friends from both institutions.  I don’t even really hate the towns of Austin or College Station.  But, it’s something about seeing those colors on the court or field that just makes me want to punt kittens into Buffalo Bayou.

So, sorry to Longhorn and Aggie fans this morning.  Something like that.  At least you have next year.  UH has more of a 4 year plan when it comes to any of this.  – FML [Ed. Note – If you haven’t checked out FMyLife.com yet, I recommend it]

Here are the rest of your Houston sports teams updates: