Each week we’ll go balls deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (email@example.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.
I just realized today was OE day, so excuse my brevity. I have to organize our tailgate for tomorrow. I’m sure the bottom posters can add to the list
Since UTEP spoiled our season last year, we have a little revenge on our minds. Even if Sumlin says he doesn’t think about revenge, the fact is he is 5-0 when losing to a team the season prior. I think Sumlin is just letting UTEP believe that we aren’t going to murder them Rice style.
Anywho, our list begins this year at #11, because last year we gave you the first 10 reasons UTEP sucks.
11) Mike Price causes natural Disasters – Apparently Mike Price and his magic pick-axe caused the volcanic eruption in Iceland earlier this year. I read this on the internet, so it must be true. So, fuck you Mike Price for causing major inconveniences for thousands of people. He probably caused the oil spill in the Gulf too, mining for oil under water with his pick-axe
12) Ed Hochuli – If you follow the NFL, you undoubtedly know who Ed Hochuli is. If not, all you need to know is Ref Fail! Hochuli is also proof that the NFL’s drug testing policy doesn’t apply to everyone. I’d love to see him get suspended for 4 games for PED usage. Thanks UTEP
13) The Pick-axe hand symbol – Although not as gay as TCU’s hand symbol, still pretty bad.
14) “Suspensions” – UTEP had several suspensions that were supposed to last past the first game of the season. Magically everyone learned their lesson and will be ready to play tomorrow. Not that it matters, they’re going to need all the help they can get.
15) Donald Buttram – Carted off the field with a knee bruise in practice, what a vag. This guy was only noticed because our passive turn-style defense made his career last year. If we made his career, we can end it (not in an injury way, of course).
16) Trevor Vittatoe – Every year we have played UTEP they have had an over rated QB prone to throwing INT’s. I’m not sure how Vittatoe is still starting, but at least he’s not living off the coat-tails of his brother like former UTEP QB Jordan “interception” Palmer.
17) You will probably die if you go to El Paso – If you think the third ward is bad (which it’s not, thanks gentrification!), at least you don’t live in El Paso. In a statistic I just made up, I found that there is a shooting in El Paso every 12 seconds
18) The Sumlin – Price love affair – We all know how Price gave Summie his first job, and how they talk all the time. Why can’t they hate each other? It’s so boring to hear how much respect everyone has for each other, and to know going into the game that no matter how bad we rape UTEP, Sumlin will have the courtesy to give Price a reach around.
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