March Madness Malarkey of Massive Magnitude

It's just like Hoffeinz - no fans!


It’s the most wonderful time of year again, my fellow FAFians. Not Christmas, not Superbowl weekend, no that time that Chick-Fil-A dropped an extra nugget in the little box. It’s March Madness.

And this year, it’s extra mad because of our much-maligned Men’s Cougar Basketball team shocking the entire country state city by putting a beat-down on C-USA and booking a spot in the Big Dance for the first time since ’92. Continue reading

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THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.

81-73.

The University of Houston is your 2010 C-USA Tournament Champions.

FUH-mazing.

Now, they’re off to the dance to be at 14 seed and walk into the clutches of, say… a Villanova.

I’m a bit speechless… Then again, FaF has been completely speechless since January 15th.

First NCAA Tournament since 1992. Congrats, Coogs.

Memphis PWNAGE

Praise the baby lord jeebus! The Cougars beat Memphis twice this year?! TWICE!?!

If only we can streak through the tournament and make it to the big dance… Oh, what joyous times those would be. Our first tourney appearance since 1992? I’ll take two.

Then, we can get what we have always wanted… A long term deal locking the Merm up for perpetuity. We could own that blessed man until his curls go straight. Just think of the possibilities. I’ve always said that he would bring this program back to prominence. I wrote it in stone long before blogs were even invented.

Here’s to the future.

Continue reading

The Smear 2/4/10: Sign the Dotted Line, Homie

Song of the Day: Queens of the Stone Age – “In the Fade”

I color my nails with White Out because I'm lonely.

Have at it, you heathens. I know you want to talk all about signing day and how much you’re looking forward to having the new recruiting class. Maybe you can throw in a couple of woulda-coulda-shoulda’s in reference to Jackson Jeffcoat signing with the Longhorns.

You’ve certainly already seen it, touched it, smelled it, tasted it… but here’s your list of 2010 Commits anyway (according to Scout.com).

The Cougars ended up ranked #54 by Scout.com (here) and #45 by Rivals.com (here), but they will always be #1 in our hearts. Right, boys?

With 12 of the 27 total recruits being on the defensive side of the ball, it looks like Sumlin is really trying to shore up the weakest part of the team. That’s good news. Considering the offensive powerhouse that is the Coogs, I would imagine it would be rather difficult to recruit kids with the “well, you’re going to get embarrassed at every practice. Then, on game day, you’re going to drop your pants around your ankles and take it like a man,” line.

Especially with the flight of coordinators away from the program, being able to maintain the high level of Commits through signing day is particularly a good sign. Then again, with Oklahoma State coming in with the #18 recruit class (or #31, depending who you ask), maybe Holgorsen didn’t need to do any Lane Kiffin-style pilfering.

So, there you go. I wrote a bunch of words to justify you writing a bunch of words in the comments section. Feel free to just skip the rest of this nonsense… BUT, IF YOU DO skip my next 300 words, you’re going to miss one of the all-time great commercials.

Continue reading

Jan 28th Houston Sports FaF Smear

Song of the DayFruit Bats – “The Ruminant Band”

The State of the Union is Gangsta

My fellow FaFtonians, I stand in here today to tell you that the state of Fourth and Fifty is STRONG. We have more swagger than ever. There are more than five people that read this site daily. Three and a half people write for this display of internet genius semi-annually. We have staved off criticism, blazed our own trail, brought the forces of at least eleven different fan bases TO THEIR KNEES with inappropriate humor, cursing, and, most importantly, a healthy dose of dick/fart/whore jokes.

As you know, we just celebrated our one year anniversary. I tell you this. WE ARE NOT DONE! We will not be satisfied until the world cowers at the might of Fourth and Fifty. World domination… no, INTERSTELLAR DOMINATION will be the only thing that will sate our thirst. We must keep our eyes on that prize. The internet is the ever expanding final frontier and we (all 12 of us) will conquer and establish our own brand of government… A government steeped in totalitarian theory, oppression, and bottom posting.

The leaders of nations have already approached me. They want us to have mercy. They want us to spare their young and powerless. The world trembles before our might like Haitians in an earthquake. We will not relent. There will be no remorse. We will prevail.

The spirit of FaF lives in each and every one of you. From crazy, head-butting, Chad to the unfortunate Dallasonian, OneTon to our favorite stalker, Big Hitter. Even the Rev. J. Dazzle shares the life-blood of Fourth and Fifty. We will march forth. We will bring our agenda of “pejorative falsehoods and sexual obscenities” to the rest of the world. We will make fun of Ken Hoffman, but when we do battle on the radio waves Pipez will not freeze up. We will attack the blob that is John Royal. We will demand that the Houston Press recognizes our fortitude. AND. WE. WILL. RULE. THIS. GALAXY.

May JBJ bless you. May he bless us all.

Continue reading

1/18, 1/19, and 1/20 Houston Sports FaF Smears

Songs of the Days: Lonely Island – “Like a Boss”

Don't cry for me FaFentina

Awwwww, did you guys miss us? Did you think that we left you under the cover of night like the Colts from Baltimore? Trust me, we considered it. We’re coming up on our Anniversary for Fourth and Fifty and none of us have seen the payback that we expected. There has been no stacks of greenbacks. Katie Couric has not given us a call to do an expose on the founders. And the hos… well, there have been and always will be the hos. They just can’t give up the FaF lovin’, but that’s been true since the first day I unsheathed my pen(is).

It was just a little miscommunication that kept us from our loyal followers of the interwebz. Pipez neglected to mention he was going to suck at life for two days. Josh was too busy “being Josh.” And, Wanks MacGruber and Reginald Blackstone haven’t even read the site they helped form since early October. Such are the perils of swagtastic blogging.

If you were worried, we’re sorry. To comfort you in this time of need, you should know that JBJ is still up to his old tricks. Thank God he’s just not pulling them over here on FaF. Did you want to read a ridiculously long and uninformed review about Modern Warfare 2? I knew you were going to say “yes.” That’s why I’m linking it here. Looks like JBJ even stole my formula for numerous “ed. notes”… Hey, JBJ. When you’re the only writer, there is no editor. The whole muthafawkin’ thing is an ed. note. And, by the looks of it you have about 19 hundred words of editorial notes.

So we’re back in the swing of things once again. Just to catch you up: All is right with the world again as the Cowboys exited the playoffs this weekend. What’s an NFL offseason without an implosion in the Big D? Boring, that’s what it is. The suicide rate in Wisconsin is about to spike come February when Favre wins the Super Bowl. If someone fulfills the outlandish, ego-fluffing, comments that he makes, can we even call it “hubris”, because Rex Ryan (after squeaking into the playoffs) is living up to the expectations only he could set. University of Texas fell to the curse of the #1 losing to Kansas State whom surprisingly have maintained a good team after the Marcus Beasley era. I did not see that one coming. And, I’m sure other sportsy-type stuff happened too, but whatever. All you guys are going to do is talk about the coogs in the comments. So, let’s move on.

You Houston sports updates await:

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1/15/10 Houston Sports FaF Smear

Song of the Day: The Raconteurs – “Carolina Drama

Balding is the new beautiful

Consider this your open forum Friday. You guys tend to hijack the masterful posts that I write anyway, unappreciative mofos.

So, here it is… Straight from the horse’s mouth (if you consider a sports radio host a horse):

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!

Yeah. That just happened. Discuss.