ESPN Announces that NBA Announces New Rule Before LeBron Announces Announcing

"I like it in the butthole. Seriously."

Fourth and Fifty has gained information ahead of the announcement of LeBron James’ choice of teams later tonight. Before the hour-long special – the LeBronathon if you will – the NBA and David Stern will reveal some crucial changes to help The King make up his mind. With the signs pointing to LeBron joining the Miami Heat to play along side Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, Stern wanted to make sure to allow his youngest nova to flourish.

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The University of Houston is your 2010 C-USA Tournament Champions.


Now, they’re off to the dance to be at 14 seed and walk into the clutches of, say… a Villanova.

I’m a bit speechless… Then again, FaF has been completely speechless since January 15th.

First NCAA Tournament since 1992. Congrats, Coogs.

Memphis PWNAGE

Praise the baby lord jeebus! The Cougars beat Memphis twice this year?! TWICE!?!

If only we can streak through the tournament and make it to the big dance… Oh, what joyous times those would be. Our first tourney appearance since 1992? I’ll take two.

Then, we can get what we have always wanted… A long term deal locking the Merm up for perpetuity. We could own that blessed man until his curls go straight. Just think of the possibilities. I’ve always said that he would bring this program back to prominence. I wrote it in stone long before blogs were even invented.

Here’s to the future.

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Google Dun It Wrongz

I’m not talking about the already-annoying Google Buzz that just launched… Seriously, though… Google, I do not need another social media site in my life. Twitter/Facebook/MySpace/Livejournal/Friendster/LinkedIn/Blogger/Tooter, they all have a place in my heart. I have no space left for you.

No, I’m talking about the fact that Google missed the boat on their “Parisian Love” advertisement during the Super Bowl. There’s no need for this touchy-feely, warm-n-fuzzy shit in the middle of my big game. I want to laugh. I want to see Betty White drop a “that’s not what your girlfriend said” line. I want to see toys take a cheap car for a joy ride. I want to see Megan Fox in a tub and a ton of people getting slapped in the face. And, while we’re on the topic, can we just start a petition for zero pantsless dudes next year? Reginald Blackstone pitching a tent during the CareerBuilder and Dockers commercials was a bit disconcerting.

With that in mind, I think that they finally rectified the situation with this stellar reprise:

Tiger Woods search FTW!!!

[via Guyisms: Google Should Have Used Tiger Woods for Their Super Bowl Ad]

The Smear 2/4/10: Sign the Dotted Line, Homie

Song of the Day: Queens of the Stone Age – “In the Fade”

I color my nails with White Out because I'm lonely.

Have at it, you heathens. I know you want to talk all about signing day and how much you’re looking forward to having the new recruiting class. Maybe you can throw in a couple of woulda-coulda-shoulda’s in reference to Jackson Jeffcoat signing with the Longhorns.

You’ve certainly already seen it, touched it, smelled it, tasted it… but here’s your list of 2010 Commits anyway (according to

The Cougars ended up ranked #54 by (here) and #45 by (here), but they will always be #1 in our hearts. Right, boys?

With 12 of the 27 total recruits being on the defensive side of the ball, it looks like Sumlin is really trying to shore up the weakest part of the team. That’s good news. Considering the offensive powerhouse that is the Coogs, I would imagine it would be rather difficult to recruit kids with the “well, you’re going to get embarrassed at every practice. Then, on game day, you’re going to drop your pants around your ankles and take it like a man,” line.

Especially with the flight of coordinators away from the program, being able to maintain the high level of Commits through signing day is particularly a good sign. Then again, with Oklahoma State coming in with the #18 recruit class (or #31, depending who you ask), maybe Holgorsen didn’t need to do any Lane Kiffin-style pilfering.

So, there you go. I wrote a bunch of words to justify you writing a bunch of words in the comments section. Feel free to just skip the rest of this nonsense… BUT, IF YOU DO skip my next 300 words, you’re going to miss one of the all-time great commercials.

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Jan. 29th Houston Sports FaF Smear (a Retrospective)

Song of the Day: Among the Oak and Ash – “Bigmouth Strikes Again”

We pretty much suck at following up with some of the big ideas that we have at Fourth and Fifty. That being said, we absolutely suck at trying to brag about our accomplishments. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. We brag all the time. But saying that I’m hung like a goddam beluga in our New Year’s Eve post is not the same as bragging about something that is braggable (even though I am… Greg Oden ain’t got nothing on me).

With that, I’d like to congratulate the Fourth and Fifty staff, all of our commentors/bottom-posters, and those of you that have read but remained silent. Ten days ago was the first anniversary for FaF and all of you were what made this possible. No, we didn’t make any money. We had a hell of a lot of laughs though. We almost got into a fight or two. And, we all made some friends (even if we’re not “real life” friends… we should probably keep it that way in most of your cases).

So, on this day when Jackson Jeffcoat will don the University of Texas hat in front of hundreds of his high school hanger-ons (live stream here), lets take a moment to give us a big pat on the back.

Use the comments section to share your favorite moments in FaF history as the boards at CoogFans go apeshit when their beloved Jeffcoat falls through just as we knew he would. Exhalting Fourth and Fifty will pour salt in that already painful wound. Don’t do it for us, do it so they squirm.

Jan 28th Houston Sports FaF Smear

Song of the DayFruit Bats – “The Ruminant Band”

The State of the Union is Gangsta

My fellow FaFtonians, I stand in here today to tell you that the state of Fourth and Fifty is STRONG. We have more swagger than ever. There are more than five people that read this site daily. Three and a half people write for this display of internet genius semi-annually. We have staved off criticism, blazed our own trail, brought the forces of at least eleven different fan bases TO THEIR KNEES with inappropriate humor, cursing, and, most importantly, a healthy dose of dick/fart/whore jokes.

As you know, we just celebrated our one year anniversary. I tell you this. WE ARE NOT DONE! We will not be satisfied until the world cowers at the might of Fourth and Fifty. World domination… no, INTERSTELLAR DOMINATION will be the only thing that will sate our thirst. We must keep our eyes on that prize. The internet is the ever expanding final frontier and we (all 12 of us) will conquer and establish our own brand of government… A government steeped in totalitarian theory, oppression, and bottom posting.

The leaders of nations have already approached me. They want us to have mercy. They want us to spare their young and powerless. The world trembles before our might like Haitians in an earthquake. We will not relent. There will be no remorse. We will prevail.

The spirit of FaF lives in each and every one of you. From crazy, head-butting, Chad to the unfortunate Dallasonian, OneTon to our favorite stalker, Big Hitter. Even the Rev. J. Dazzle shares the life-blood of Fourth and Fifty. We will march forth. We will bring our agenda of “pejorative falsehoods and sexual obscenities” to the rest of the world. We will make fun of Ken Hoffman, but when we do battle on the radio waves Pipez will not freeze up. We will attack the blob that is John Royal. We will demand that the Houston Press recognizes our fortitude. AND. WE. WILL. RULE. THIS. GALAXY.

May JBJ bless you. May he bless us all.

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