Tiger Plays the 19th Hole… And the 20th… And the 21st

Honey, have you seen my phone?

[Pause, for dramatic effect]

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The Adventures of Moose Knuckle

Douchebag

I'm not Moose Knuckle, but I'm everything he aspires to be.

Greetings my FaF faithful.  It has been many months since my last confession post.  Once the new TV season starts, it pretty much consumes a majority of my time.  Add in college football and forget about it.  Who has time to write  witty posts day in and day out?  Septimus Rex and The Random Guy; That’s who.  And The Random Guy even has Random Baby to take care of.  You know a lot of people say Septimus and TRG are a couple of untalented posers…

So as I said it has been a while since I have been able to post on here.  That is not to say that I haven’t tried though.  I wrote a tantalizing recap of the PGA Championship.  I even broke away from the golf for once and wrote a delightful commentary on the douchiness of Taylor Potts, Mike Leach, and the rest of the Tech faithful.  That was a few days after our masterful win back in September.  However, my posts were overlooked in the staging queue, and never got published for your reading pleasure.  Now I notified the powers that be that I had some good words to share, but my keyboard was silenced.  Am I bitter?  Never.  I have fought back out of the trenches to bring to you the useless sports news of the world.

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Tiger Woods’ Plan is Coming Together Perfectly

Doin' it an' doin' it an' doin' it well

Well Tiger won his most recent tournament (and his own tournament to boot).  Tiger emerged victorious at the AT&T National.  Frankly, this is one of those tourneys that is for a very good cause in that it supports out troops.  The course was filled with soldiers wounded in battle and those currently serving on active duty.  On Sunday, the 18th hole announcers were Air Force officers, something Pipez was proud of I’m sure.  As a result, I have no problem with Tiger romping the field in this one.  And now he sits at 68 lifetime PGA Tour wins.  Simply incredible.

With the British Open approaching, it’s only fair to take a glimpse into the man that has become “the PGA.”  He’s the reason the casual fan is paying attention.  He’s the reason why I got this gig on Fourth and Fifty.  No Tiger, no Moose Knuckle.  Can you imagine a world without the Mighty MK?  I can’t.

So it seems that Tiger Woods has taken another step in his plans for interstellar domination. You might wonder, “what else does this man strive to do?”  The obvious answer is to break every record in the book.  But, his designs are on a much grander (more grand?) scale than that.

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Duval, Mickelson Undone by the ‘Glover’ed One

Yeah those boobs ARE nice!

5 days later and we now have a champion crowned at the 2009 U.S. Open.  My longest of long-shots nearly pulled it off though.  When everyone thought I was crazy, I knew something special would happen.  Now had I actually called in from the beginning, would you have kicked yourself for not putting some money down on the big DD?  I’m sure the odds were like 400-1.

As you may have seen David Duval did not come home with the trophy of another major.  He came damn close.  I’ll be honest, after his first hole of the day I was discouraged.  But then came the storm of birdies that ultimately led to a minor letdown in a major championship.  He fought hard and never quit.  Here’s to hoping he’s back for good.  Only time will tell.

Mickelson almost fulfilled his wife’s wish of bringing home the U.S. Open trophy, but like Duval, puttered out at the end.  Literally.  His putter once again failed him.  However, he did set a new record for most second place finishes in the U.S. Open.  Will he ever pull it off.   I blame it on the pants [Ed. Note – Here’s to hoping he doesn’t pull those off]:

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Always Bet on Black – 2009 US Open Preview

I'm a real G.

I'm a real G shorty who can really find the sweet spot...provided that you point me in the general direction.

This week marks the 109th US open.  Once again, it will be played at the famed public course just outside of New York City.  A course so demanding, that amateurs and pros alike are warned about it before they even step on the tee. Bethpage Black will host the Open for the second time in just 7 years.  So who will win?  Similar to recent years, I’m betting the course will prevail yet again.

Who does not love the US Open?  Personally, anytime I can see a professional golfer lip out a 3 foot putt and have a bunker shot for their next, that is entertainment.  Okay, so that only happened at Shinnecock Hills in 2004, but still it was both fun and depressing to watch at the same time.  Bethpage is not quite as severe on the greens, but the fairways and the rough are where the men are separated from the bitches.

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Spoken Like a True Woman

I wanted to run, but it was too hard

Though the title implies it, I am not trying to be sexist.  At least towards human women that is.  However, the equine kind of female has my blood boiling these days.  I would not consider myself a huge horse racing fan, but I do follow the triple crown races like any true blooded, snobbish American should.

At least once in my life, I would like to see a triple crown winner.  Why exactly?  I can’t say for sure, but the sports world seems to glorify it.  Therefore, I’d like to see one horse accomplish this great feat before I depart this less than stellar planet.

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I’ve Got Some Major Wood

The glorious(?) return of Moose Knuckle.

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Sorry I have not been around for a while.  I’ve been preparing for a momentous occasion.  Tomorrow, I will undergo X-Ray vision correction surgery.  So what do you do any day before surgery?  Watch television of course.  As I was flipping though the channels, I cam upon a marathon of sports, if you will.  An event of epic proportions is on ESPN the Deux (I went French there).  A sporting event so magnificent, the Greek gods themselves would bow before its greatness.  “What sporting event is it,” you ask.

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