ESPN Announces that NBA Announces New Rule Before LeBron Announces Announcing

"I like it in the butthole. Seriously."

Fourth and Fifty has gained information ahead of the announcement of LeBron James’ choice of teams later tonight. Before the hour-long special – the LeBronathon if you will – the NBA and David Stern will reveal some crucial changes to help The King make up his mind. With the signs pointing to LeBron joining the Miami Heat to play along side Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, Stern wanted to make sure to allow his youngest nova to flourish.

Sources close to the rules committee have told Fourth and Fifty that the NBA is prepared to add at least one, if not two, basketballs to the court during the duration of the game. Ensuring that each of the major stars will get their touches was listed as the most important reasons the change is being considered. This will be the first time more than one ball will be in play since the 1874 championship when the Topeka Tornadoes defeated the Charleston Green Sox.

After learning about the potential change in gameplay, we reached out to Stern for comment. He told us that “it is essential for the NBA’s ability to grow in new markets. We want to see star power. By adding a second ball to the game we can allow teams with multiple stars to expand creativity and add excitement.” I think that’s what he said because all I wrote down in my notebook however was “China, China, China, LeBron, China, LeBronski, China…”

Because LeBron is playing with his basketball camp right now, he was unavailable for comment. Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, however, told us in tandem “whatever we can do to get BronBron down to Miami we will do it. Blowskies, handskies, buttskies, whatever it takes.”

When asked to comment, Paul Pierce, KG and Ray Allen said, “what? we weren’t worth two basketballs?”

The league has said it will be willing to consider adding another basket at both ends of the court as well if LeBron thinks that will be best for his point totals next year. They have also mentioned giving the New York Knicks 24 free wins if James will sign to play in Madison Square Garden and are prepared to H-bomb the shit out of New Jersey if the Nets win out.



  1. Lance Armstrong is now jealous of NBA basketball games

  2. Since when does FAF advertise? The millions from guest writing and endorsements weren’t enough? Greed.

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