May 24th Houston Sports FaF Smear

You better learn to crawl before I walk away.

Two scoops, please.

We all have to admit that even though the home team is out of contention these NBA Playoffs have been pretty darn entertaining.  Gee, golly.

Even though the Nuggets seem content throwing away the game (literally) on bad inbounds pass after bad inbounds pass every game has been close.  No 30 or 40 point blowouts.  Each of the underdogs seem like they have a chance.  Not even just a chance.  Everybody seems even.  There is no turning the game off half way through the fourth quarter because the game is out of question.  This is obviously part of the vast conspiracy of David Stern.

The Lakers beat the Nuggets 103-97 (in case you missed it and Fourth and Fifty is your only sporting news source) last night to take a 2-1 lead in the series.  Tonight, the Magic are back home with the all-important home-court advantage against the Cavaliers.  Will LeBron pull out another ridiculous shot to win the game with one second on the clock that I miss because I’m taking a piss?  Let’s hope so(?).

And now a message from your Houston sports:

April 29th: Houston Sports FaF Smear (plus The Spurs Relegated to Sucksville)

The one where it’s really 5 o’clock in the morning.

Where's the ball? Where's the ball?!

The clock is about to strike five in the morning.  Do you know where your kids are?

I know this Kidd is at least happy that the Mavericks are out of the first round.

It’s his first taste of Western Conference success since leaving the uncontested confines of the East (yes, I realize that he wasn’t the most succesful in New Jersey, but at least they made it to the NBA Finals once).  Yeah, sure, they beat up on a Manu-less San Antonio.  But, a win is a win… right?  Two thousand nine was the right time to make up for the injustices of last year.  Even if you are working on behalf of Mark Cuban.

All is fair in love and war.  But only if you have won and you get to dictate how history is written.  So, for all intents and purposes Manu Ginobili’s absence (my Mother’s favorite NBA “star” by the way), had no meaning.  The fact that the other role players didn’t/couldn’t step up really doesn’t matter.  For we state fans, the only shame comes with the fact that two Texas teams had to square off in the first round (though it doesn’t hurt when San Antonio loses out knowing that Dallas tends to choke… /knocks on wood).

Tim Duncan had never been knocked out of the first round of the playoffs before tonight.  His Merlin-esque skills knew no potion that would be able to quell his competitive spirit.  But, all good (and magical) things must come to an end.  Mr. Duncan finally knows what it’s like to taste defeat in the early stages of the playoffs.  Timmy?  Can you answer a question?  T-Mac wonders how his “ass taste.”  (See?  That’s funny because Stacey McLady has never made it out of the first round.)

So… Let’s move on to the Houston Sports updates (since it’s particularly hard to write at this early hour):

Daily FaF Smear (4/22/09)

The one where we inflate our stats by picking internet fights.

Brooks the Blur

The only good thing that came from last nights game is the fact that Houston will finally be off the West Coast.  I’m a little tired of staying up until midnight just to see the conclusion of a game.  Though, last night’s conclusion seemed to be wrapped up with a little more than a minute to play and then everything turned on its head.

Honestly, I thought the Rockets were done for the second that Dikembe went down.  He is one of those guys that you see on the bench and say “give that man a Brett Favre-esque lifetime contract” (without the retiring and un-retiring and retiring parts).  Mutumbo embodies the heart and soul of this team.  Mutumbo is the spirit that we all wish Yao represented game to game.  The two make a mighty combination.  That being said, you can read Fourth and Fifty’s requiem right here.

The final score of 107-103 was basically produced by the will of Aaron Brooks alone.  I think he had something like 12 points in the final thirty seconds of the game (he had 23 total points to lead the team).  A ten point deficit and KAZAAM! all of a sudden it’s only two points.  And that foul call on Kyle Lowry to give the Trail Blazers their final two free throws to seal it?  Bullshit.  He tripped over himself trying to get the inbounds pass.  Rudy Fernandez, come clean!  You tangled up your own feet and fell like a little girl.  Admit it.

In the other games last night Cleveland and Los Angeles won their games against Detroit and Utah respectively.  Both are up two games to none in the series.

Up ahead are your Houston sports updates:

Daily FaF Smear (4/21/09)

The one where I have no idea what the hell I’m doing but I’m gonna do it.

UConn studs of yesteryear: Ray-Ray and B-Gor

The Celtics surely miss Kevin Garnett, but they are not at a loss for exciting playoff performances.  Game one went to overtime.  Game two, Ray Allen had other ideas.

Down the stretch the game turned into a bare-knuckle brawl between two former University of Connecticut greats: Ben Gordon and Ray Allen.  They traded shot for shot through most of the last four minutes of the game, the last of which was the game winner by Allen with less than three seconds left. When the clock read zeros the Celtics had scrapped out the win, 118-115.

Gordon strapped da Bulls to his back and did his best to steal both games from the Celtics in the Boston Garden.  He scored the last twelve points for his side finishing with forty-two total.  Barkely and the TNT crew would not let you forget that “this is not a highlight reel… these are consecutive plays.”  Thanks, Round Mound, your hard-hitting analysis has added value to my life once again.  Now tell me something useful like where to find the best blowskie you’ve ever had.

In the other playoff game on the docket, the Spurs saved face at home against the Mavericks with a 105-84 shellacking.  I’d say I watched the game intently, but I was more worried about Tim Duncan getting more points+rebounds than Dirk.   Wooo!  Streak for the Cash!  I’m at a whopping 2!  Watch out, million dollars, here I come.

Up ahead are the all-important Houston sports updates:

Rockets Playoffs: The Briefest and Worst Preview Ever

An all too familiar sight for Rockets fans

I don’t pretend to know much about “Basketball.” However, I am man enough to make bold predictions with little to no research to back them up.

The Rockets manage to tank in the final few minutes of the final regular season game, taking them out of the two seed, and into the 5 seed. But do not let this little mishap, which cost them home court advantage for most of the playoffs, fool you into thinking they will do the same in the games that really count. The reason is simple: no Tracy McGrady.