FAF Opponent Essentials: Tulsa!

Each week, or when we feel like putting effort into it, FAF will size up our opponent, and provide you, our faithful readers, with plenty of fodder for hating the opposing team. Because that’s what we do at FAF. We don’t cheer our team on in a good-natured manner, to remain “classy” or “sportsmanlike” or “respectful”. We bring the mother effin’ pain in the form of the truth! If you can’t handle it, go reminisce about the Veer on Coogfans! This is the new era of UH, where we take no prisoners and rape and pillage on our way to championships! This week, Tulsa. And we are honored to have a special guest to tell us the highlights of his university…..

tulsa

Is that a beehive?

Hi, I’m Dr. Douchebag Phil. You might know me from my moderately famous, but now outdated TV show,where I act like an insufferable ass and talk down to people in an attempt to help them. Britney Spears? Totally fixed that psycho-bitch after I stormed into that hospital Norman Schwarzkopf-style and slapped her around something fierce.

But you might not realize that I played some football in my younger days. Actually you probably could tell, because I’m rather overweight. I played  a little linebacker for the Tulsa Golden Hurricane (I know, what the fuck is a Golden Hurricane, right? No idea). Here’s a few more things you might not know about my alma mater: Continue reading

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FaF Opponent Essentials: Tulane

Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Cougars. If you have any suggestions for us, e-mail them to as (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is highly encouraged.

tulane_green_wave_iphone_wallpaper

Big 12? Amateurs. SEC? UFL prospects at best. C-USA? Now you’re striking fear into the hearts of Cougar fans everywhere.

Each C-USA opponent worries me in a different way. UTEP, it’s really far away, so our boys got tired and couldn’t perform. Rice, the girls on the sidelines are so damn ugly our players could be blinded and not be able to play. Tulane? They’re close to New Orleans. Shit hole before the storm, shit hole after the storm.

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FaF Opponent Essentials: UTEP

Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

UTEP logo color

Four things have become apparent over the past for weeks. 1) Opposing fans get all butt-hurt over pointing out a couple very obvious shortcomings about their city/school/program/father-cousin. 2) No anonymous commenter is willing to come back after their team loses to apologize for calling us dick-eaters. 3) Writing this stuff is kind of fun, but not more fun than the comments. 4) Oklahoma State and Texas Tech fans all have gaping yeasty gashes.

But, what’s in the past is in the past and we must look forward to the future. Two days from now the University of Houston will face the University of Texas Juarez El Paso on the gridiron. The first conference game of the Cougars will be a sort of litmus test of what can be expected over the course of the last eight games of their schedule. With a three-game road trip the Cougars look to avoid the triumphant hangover after Texas Tech.

I’ve always found a couple things work best to rid the head of the angry post victory spirits: Screwdrivers, Water and an abundance of shit-talking that the other party always manages to call “lame,” “weak,” “classless” or otherwise. Well, here’s a preemptive “fuck you” to UTEP fans. You will respect mai eethoritaih!

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FaF Opponent Essentials: Oklahoma State Cowboys

Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.OState logo_colorWith the Houston Cougars coming off an impressive(?) 55-7 win against Nortwestern State the competition ramps up to full throttle with the Oklahoma State University Cowboys next up on the docket. Ranked #5 according to the AP Top 25 Poll (#6 in the USA Today poll) the Cowboys are coming off a 24-10 win against the #13 Georgia Bulldogs. Them there’s a lot of numbers that don’t mean jackshit. Numbers don’t let you know anything about the Cowboys. Numbers don’t let you heckle the Cowboys. Numbers don’t let you sleep with the Cowboys’ girlfriends.

Let’s dig a little deeper:

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