Houston Sports FaF Smear (7/7/10)

SOTD – “Where Are You Going” Dave Matthews Band

We lost the Bosh sweepstakes

Daryl Morey, I owe you a gallon of your favorite ice cream. ESPN is reporting that Chris Bosh will be signing with the Miami Heat. Hmmm…. Guess who predicted that Bosh would pick Miami? All 3 of you who read that post should be in awe of my psychic powers. Everyone else, back away from the ledge, Morey insists he has 5 other contingency plans.

Not to be outdone, Lebron has reserved an hour of air time on ESPN tomorrow to announce his decision on live TV. Apparently Lebron has to make up for not being a major college football recruit. I hope he is sitting at his old high school gym with hats from each of the teams he is considering. Either way, I’m sure he will be very ambiguous for about 80% of the conference to try to build suspense, and then he will choose the Cavs and everyone will be underwhelmed.

Hey Lebron, 9 people other than sports media are going to be watching your cries for attention tomorrow. Just freaking sign a deal and have a normal press conference like everyone else. You aren’t going to win more than 6 titles and become the best ever. Go back to Cleveland, and get to the finals and try not to get demolished like last time.

Also, Delonte West told me to tell you what he did last night.

On to your Houston updates Continue reading

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Houston Sports FaF Smear (7/6/10)

SOTD – “Sippin on Some Syrup” Three Six Mafia

JaMarcus needs to slow his roll

Apparently, JaMarcus Russell needs to slow his roll, because the life of an NFL flame out is too fast. I guess that’s why he was busted for having that sizzurp, or purple drank if you will, this weekend. To be honest, I’m going to give JaMarcus the benefit of the doubt here. I think that this was an honest attempt to change for the better and prove that he belongs in the NFL. My reasoning is that he probably thought that the “sizzurp” slows your “rolls” not roll. So maybe he was just confused and thought he was taking an appetite suppressant.

In other news, Amare Stoudamire signed with the New York Knicks. I guess the Knicks felt empty without paying max money to a roll player at best. Sure, sure, some of you will throw statistics in my face, but let’s face it, when given the chance to sign a veteran free agent that has had injury problems, including microfracture surgery, to a long-term max contract you should do it right? Everyone, wants an aging overpaid injury prone star in 4 years with a few years remaining on their contract, right T-Mac? Let’s not forget that D’Antoni’s exit from Phoenix was directly related to Amare’s unhappiness (which he immediately regretted when playing for Terry Porter). Now, once all the other big free agents sign elsewhere, let’s see which roll player the Knicks decide is worth a max deal. At least they still have first round draft picks…. Wait, I hear Daryl Morey saying “All your base are belong to us.”

On to your Houston updates:

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Houston Sports FaF Smear (7/1/10)

SOTD – “Citizens of Tomorrow” Tokyo Police Club

NBA Free agent season started last night at midnight, and Daryl Morey got the first crack at convincing Chris Bosh where to to sign. Daryl’s key tactic was a personalized Chris Bosh iPad. My guess is that it was a regular iPad dressed in a cowboy hat, denim jacket, and leather vest.

Also, Morey, known for being good with numbers, miscalculated Bosh’s location by 1,300 miles when he sent a “caravan of fans” to greet Bosh in Miami. Except the Texas native was in Dallas. I just hope that was a SAM (yeah middle school math jargon!), and not a sign of his real math skills.

I will say that I think it is unlikely that we end up with Chris Bosh, and I will buy Daryl Morey a gallon of his favorite ice cream to eat out of the carton in his pajamas while watching a marathon of netflix movies when the Rockets get rejected for a younger sexier team.

In fact, I would say that the Rockets are the “Cougar” of the teams pursuing Bosh. Not quite the sexiest we have been, our star player is a little older and injury prone, but we have some good assets and we may have a few tricks up our sleeve other younger teams haven’t learned yet.

Unfortunately, we will still probably get left in the cold for a team with a bigger name marquee player, and a city with better night life (not that Houston is bad). I predict Miami, but that probably means it will be Chicago or New York. A twenty something millionaire isn’t convinced by things like “no state income tax” and “lower cost of living.”

For the 3 of you still reading, here’s what else is going on. And by that I mean here’s some filler crap about teams you actually care about. Continue reading

Houston Sports FaF Smear (6/30/10)

SOTD –“Big Black Furry Creature From Mars” Phish

The new reason I will get kicked out of sporting events

Sorry for the lapse in posting, some of us have real jobs you know… But, I am glad to see that some of the old bottom posters have returned to the site.

I do want to say that I’m glad that my life can return to normal sans soccer, now that the USA is out of the world cup. I did enjoy the fun while it lasted, because it’s still more exciting than baseball. However, much like visiting a foreign country, I was ready to return home to American sports that score points, and have commercials so I can get up and pee.

The 2010 World Cup did leave its mark on me though, with my new red vuvuzela that will last probably all of 37 minutes of the first UH game I bring it to. You can guarantee that I will wreck havoc on opposing offenses as they approach my section on about the 10 yard line. My goal is to be responsible for one goal line stand and one safety, purely based on the loud annoying buzz, and not the players or defensive scheme on the field. Because if it happens on the field while I am blowing my vuvuzela (no homo), then I must be the one responsible for the events.

However, I will not be using the following South African guide to proper vuvuzela usage:

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Houston Sports FaF Smear 6/25/10

SOTD – “Run” Vampire Weekend

Careful, don't blow out an O-Ring

Last night the Houston Rockets selected PF Patrick Patterson from the University of Kentucky. Obviously, constipation is his biggest on the court concern. I have heard him described as Chuck Hays with offense. However I must say that I dislike the pick, not because he is a bad person and not because he played for Coach Calipari and therefore is a cheater.

No, I had the luxury of spending last night at dinner with a number of Kentucky fans very proud of their players for underachieving. Last time I checked Kentucky was ousted before the Final Four and Duke won the championship. It took all my might to refrain from commenting about this being a weak draft, and that Kentucky will be on probation by 2013.

Also, I’m disappointed that Morey didn’t Jedi mind trick anyone into giving the Rockets a good deal on a higher draft pick to use on someone like Ekpe Udo. (Warning to Ekpe Udo: You will probably bust now that I am on record as wanting to have drafted you). But Morey says that P-Pat (as the Kentucky fans call him) was who they were trying to move up to get

Here’s the rest of your updates:

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Houston Sports Guess Who’s Back Smear

SOTD – “Guess Who’s Back” Eminem

Well, hello again. FaF is back from it’s unannounced hiatus, and by back I mean it’s just me, Pipez, and whomever I can round up to post once and a while.  We had decided that too many people were reading the blog and we couldn’t handle all the fame and fortune.

Actually, I took time off to take the MCAT, and Septimus decided to work on other projects. Everyone else has fallen off the face of the earth. So, we’ll just move on like we never took a break, and get back to boring off season sports talk as we prepare for football season.

And if you didn’t follow sports since we left, here’s what happened:

  • Duke won
  • Coogs fired and hired BBall coaches
  • Texans drafted some players
  • Tiger sucked at the Masters/Phil won and likes to eat doughnuts in his jacket
  • Rockets missed the playoffs
  • Lakers won
  • Tiger sucked at the US Open
  • People started caring about soccer
  • The Astros decided to take a year off from major league baseball.

So, now that you are caught up, here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods, your Houston sports update:

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March Madness Malarkey of Massive Magnitude

It's just like Hoffeinz - no fans!


It’s the most wonderful time of year again, my fellow FAFians. Not Christmas, not Superbowl weekend, no that time that Chick-Fil-A dropped an extra nugget in the little box. It’s March Madness.

And this year, it’s extra mad because of our much-maligned Men’s Cougar Basketball team shocking the entire country state city by putting a beat-down on C-USA and booking a spot in the Big Dance for the first time since ’92. Continue reading