A Coogfans post Fire Joe Morgan style

Coogfans.... more like Coogfags

54 posts this site

Bahbuttons… What a cute name, and you only have 54 posts. What a noob! You are only 4,946 posts away from being taken seriously.

“Let’s try to pack the stands this year.” I think I just lost brain cells reading that. In fact, if I don’t get into medical school this year, I am blaming Coogfans for the countless brain cells I have lost reading statements like that.

“I would love to see a packed house every home game and not just the big ones.” Are you fucking kidding me? You are so fucking novel. Can you take over for Mack Rhoades as athletic director please? I can’t believe no one has ever thought to do that before. What’s the next step after that, “Let’s try to win all of our games this year?”

“We are a nationally ranked team and when we are shown on tv it would awesome for viewers to see and to hear the roar of the crowd backing our Coogs and Keenum’s Heisman run. “ Hey everyone, what if we all got together before the games this year and cooked food and had some beers, wouldn’t that be fun?

“The louder we are the more pumped the players get. “Did you know that it is customary to yell while your team is on defense to try to make the other offense mess up? WE SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT!

“Let’s really support our Coogs this year and in the future. Bring a friend if you can and fill those stands.” Did you know that if we all brought one new friend to the game our attendance would double? THE MATH IS MIND BLOWING

“See you out there cheering my heart out.
My heart might literally stop from cheering too hard. I might die this year from cheering for the Coogs. My little heart is going to be so tired in December from cheering because I bought tickets to all the home games this year. Did you know that you can do that and sit in the same seats for each game?


ESPN Announces that NBA Announces New Rule Before LeBron Announces Announcing

"I like it in the butthole. Seriously."

Fourth and Fifty has gained information ahead of the announcement of LeBron James’ choice of teams later tonight. Before the hour-long special – the LeBronathon if you will – the NBA and David Stern will reveal some crucial changes to help The King make up his mind. With the signs pointing to LeBron joining the Miami Heat to play along side Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade, Stern wanted to make sure to allow his youngest nova to flourish.

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The University of Houston is your 2010 C-USA Tournament Champions.


Now, they’re off to the dance to be at 14 seed and walk into the clutches of, say… a Villanova.

I’m a bit speechless… Then again, FaF has been completely speechless since January 15th.

First NCAA Tournament since 1992. Congrats, Coogs.

Memphis PWNAGE

Praise the baby lord jeebus! The Cougars beat Memphis twice this year?! TWICE!?!

If only we can streak through the tournament and make it to the big dance… Oh, what joyous times those would be. Our first tourney appearance since 1992? I’ll take two.

Then, we can get what we have always wanted… A long term deal locking the Merm up for perpetuity. We could own that blessed man until his curls go straight. Just think of the possibilities. I’ve always said that he would bring this program back to prominence. I wrote it in stone long before blogs were even invented.

Here’s to the future.

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Google Dun It Wrongz

I’m not talking about the already-annoying Google Buzz that just launched… Seriously, though… Google, I do not need another social media site in my life. Twitter/Facebook/MySpace/Livejournal/Friendster/LinkedIn/Blogger/Tooter, they all have a place in my heart. I have no space left for you.

No, I’m talking about the fact that Google missed the boat on their “Parisian Love” advertisement during the Super Bowl. There’s no need for this touchy-feely, warm-n-fuzzy shit in the middle of my big game. I want to laugh. I want to see Betty White drop a “that’s not what your girlfriend said” line. I want to see toys take a cheap car for a joy ride. I want to see Megan Fox in a tub and a ton of people getting slapped in the face. And, while we’re on the topic, can we just start a petition for zero pantsless dudes next year? Reginald Blackstone pitching a tent during the CareerBuilder and Dockers commercials was a bit disconcerting.

With that in mind, I think that they finally rectified the situation with this stellar reprise:

Tiger Woods search FTW!!!

[via Guyisms: Google Should Have Used Tiger Woods for Their Super Bowl Ad]

2/10/2010 Houston Sports FaF Smear

SOTD – “Mistaken for Strangers” The National

Just in case you didn’t see the end of the Superbowl, we have gotten the rights to show you the end of it. Too bad its not in High Def.

Speaking of high def, I will not get any work done today because I am excited that my weekly Costco trip is today. I love that store. I will spend no less than 10 minutes admiring their selections of flat screens, great prices, and fabulous warranties. The whole experience is exciting to me.

First, I like having to flash my card to get in. HOW EXCLUSIVE! I am in a club of only people that can spend 50 dollars on a membership to an oversized Target. Or if you are like me, and need to feel more exclusive you pay 100 dollars a year because you need to feel better than the low-lifes who can only afford 50 (or you just want cash back on all your purchases… whatever).

First thing you see when you get in BAM! flat screens. Generally cheaper than Best Buy too… and the best part? You don’t have some asshole begging you to waste your money on some extended warranty because they include that shit free of charge.

However, the real reason I love Costco (same with HEB) is because I am an aspiring fat person. I go there to eat pre-dinner and then dinner. My plan of attack at Costco is to walk around the store so that I hit every sample station, and that all the shit I need is at the end of my journey. It’s like a freaking gold mine! Cream puffs? DELICIOUS! Hummus with chips? OF COURSE! Crappy frozen tortilla soup? LOVE IT! However, the key is to grab the sample without making eye-contact so they know you are only interested in free food. I ONLY CAME HERE FOR A CASE OF WATER, MILK AND OJ. YOU FOOL!

My favorite is when the bring in the vendors like Kiolbassa. They want you to try EVERYTHING! Of course I will try your jalapeno sausage, and your cheddar sausage. You have a jalapeno AND cheddar sausage? I MUST HAVE IT! Except now you are invested in this sales person and you need an excuse to leave awkwardly with out purchasing anything. My favorite is “I will remember this for my next tailgate.”

The worst is when someone doesn’t have the samples ready. NO MINI-CORN DOGS? 15 MINUTES!!!! Now you have to pretend you have forgotten something later to pass by again. Then when they are still not ready because its only been 3 minutes, you are really in a dilemma. Keep passing by like a vulture, or try to hold out risking missing out…. I choose the former. Sometimes it pays off because they see you and give you a bigger piece!

Finally, it is time to check out. The key here is scouting for a good box to put your shit in because the front of the store is riddled with shitty boxes for the regular members. A BOX MUST HAVE 4 SIDES WITH NO CUTOUTS.

After paying, 1/2 your journey is complete. PIZZA!!!! 2.79 gets you a slice of pizza AND and a drink. I cannot resist it. I can eat a 4 course meal at Costco and get hungry in the checkout line as soon as I see it. Sometimes I go there just for dinner. I have no shame in admitting that. They are fools for not putting the pizza at the beginning. I would ALWAYS have 2 slices, but I only get 1 at the end because I have eaten too many free samples.

Eating pizza at the end is also the same step where you lose your receipt. This is crucial for walking out and not having it ready for the person standing there with the highlighter. I CAN ONLY FIND MY PIZZA RECEIPT, I HAVE TOO MANY POCKETS! It’s in my wallet every time.

And DO NOT come in here and tell me Sam’s is better than COSTCO! I will STAB YOU IN THE EYES. Costco is the Neiman Marcus of bulk shopping!

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Sports FAIL

At some point, I’ll get back to writing, you know, content.  Until then…

Layup FAIL

Stormtrooper FAIL

Civil Rights FAIL

Proper Perv Technique FAIL

Fellatio FAIL

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