Oppenent Essentials: Miner Revenge

Each week we’ll go balls deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

I just realized today was OE day, so excuse my brevity. I have to organize our tailgate for tomorrow. I’m sure the bottom posters can add to the list

Since UTEP spoiled our season last year, we have a little revenge on our minds. Even if Sumlin says he doesn’t think about revenge, the fact is he is 5-0 when losing to a team the season prior. I think Sumlin is just letting UTEP believe that we aren’t going to murder them Rice style.

Anywho, our list begins this year at #11, because last year we gave you the first 10 reasons UTEP sucks. Continue reading

Opponent Essentials: Texas State

Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

It really will be like playing a bunch of girls

The Cougars make their glorious return to football on Saturday against the lowly Div 1-AA (because we don’t like the term FCS) Southwest Texas Texas State Bobcats. It should be very one-sided contest since most of the school is still floating river, and generally speaking most people are above shit-talking a team in a lower league, but we aren’t. So here is what you need to know about Texas State. Continue reading

Opponent Essentials: East Carolina (Snowy Championship Edition)

Each week through rain, hail, sleet or SNOW, or when we feel like putting effort into it, FaF will size up our opponent, and provide you, our faithful readers, with plenty of fodder for hating the opposing team. Because that’s what we do at FaF. We don’t cheer our team on in a good-natured manner, to remain “classy” or “sportsmanlike” or “respectful”. We bring the mother effin’ pain in the form of the truth! If you can’t handle it, go reminisce about the Veer on Coogfans! This is the new era of UH, where we take no prisoners and rape and pillage on our way to championships! For at least one post a week we abandon our “Houston. Sports. Satire.” by-line and bring the “Houston. Sports. Swagger.”

"Chad" strikes again

I hope all you unappreciative bottom posters realize the bravery it takes to write this post today, with this foreign white substance falling from the sky. I’m honestly scared. Have we polluted our fair town so much that the gases are mixing with pollution and forming a precipitate? (Oh snap… Nerdy chemistry pun!!! That’s what I get for working at Rice).

So we have already offered our Peace n Blessin’s to the Pirates of East Carolina, but now it is time to take off the kid gloves. Continue reading

FaF Opponent Essentials – UCF Edition

Each week, or when we feel like putting effort into it, FaF will size up our opponent, and provide you, our faithful readers, with plenty of fodder for hating the opposing team. Because that’s what we do at FaF. We don’t cheer our team on in a good-natured manner, to remain “classy” or “sportsmanlike” or “respectful”. We bring the mother effin’ pain in the form of the truth! If you can’t handle it, go reminisce about the Veer on Coogfans! This is the new era of UH, where we take no prisoners and rape and pillage on our way to championships! For at least one post a week we abandon our “Houston. Sports. Satire.” by-line and bring the “Houston. Sports. Swagger.”

UCF Logo with DBag Fan

Who is that little man in the corner? Well, if you weren’t with us last week you might have missed him. I suggest reading the Tulsa Recap or maybe just go ahead and skip on over to the picture via this link. This guy is obviously trying to make celebrity domestic abuse cool again (as it’s gone the way of the buffalo since Tyson).  Who are we, Fourth and Fifty to stop him. Oh, he’ll be popping up around here a lot… and, I think the perfect test run is one of these here Opponent Essentials. I’m going to lovingly dub him “Chad.”

The Cougars are coming off of one of the most exciting games that I’ve ever seen in my life, ever. For-ev-er (Forever-ever?). Half of the city hasn’t really gotten over the heart palpitations that it caused. But, that matters not. Our god is our schedule and he says “you will play Saturday against the mighty University of Central Florida.” We’re not nihilists around here. We obey.

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FAF Opponent Essentials: Tulsa!

Each week, or when we feel like putting effort into it, FAF will size up our opponent, and provide you, our faithful readers, with plenty of fodder for hating the opposing team. Because that’s what we do at FAF. We don’t cheer our team on in a good-natured manner, to remain “classy” or “sportsmanlike” or “respectful”. We bring the mother effin’ pain in the form of the truth! If you can’t handle it, go reminisce about the Veer on Coogfans! This is the new era of UH, where we take no prisoners and rape and pillage on our way to championships! This week, Tulsa. And we are honored to have a special guest to tell us the highlights of his university…..

tulsa

Is that a beehive?

Hi, I’m Dr. Douchebag Phil. You might know me from my moderately famous, but now outdated TV show,where I act like an insufferable ass and talk down to people in an attempt to help them. Britney Spears? Totally fixed that psycho-bitch after I stormed into that hospital Norman Schwarzkopf-style and slapped her around something fierce.

But you might not realize that I played some football in my younger days. Actually you probably could tell, because I’m rather overweight. I played  a little linebacker for the Tulsa Golden Hurricane (I know, what the fuck is a Golden Hurricane, right? No idea). Here’s a few more things you might not know about my alma mater: Continue reading

FaF Opponent Essentials: Southern Miss

Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

Southern_Miss.bmpIt’s been a long wild ride so far, amirite, Coog fans? Here we/they sit at #15 in the country poised at making a run at the C-USA championship. All we have to do is hope for a UTEP loss and we’re home free… right? Right?

Wrong.

We need to get through the rest of our schedule. Southern Miss is ahead of us at a game that is way too early in the morning to get adequately prepared as a fan [read: drink until the only thing we yell is homophobic slurs]. But, we are not the lords of the domain of scheduling. You can thank Mack Rhoades for that… Or, maybe Dave Maggard… Or the NCAA… Fuck, or ESPN.  I really don’t even know who to blame.

But, the one thing I can do is help you get fired up for the game against Southern Miss a good 27 hours before the kick off. This is a VERY special edition of the O.E. (maybe that’s it… maybe I’ll do the Edward 40-Hands to prepare tomorrow). This is not special for any other reason except it’s productive by brevity. Can you guess what the one and only thing is that I’m going to write below?

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FaF Opponent Essentials: Southern Methodist University

Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Houston Cougars. If you have any suggestions e-mail them to us (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is completely acceptable if not preferable.

SMU_withPony_BlueOutline

Last year I went to the game in Dallas to watch the Cougars pull off the comeback victory over SMU. This year we have the distinct honor of hosting the Mustangs at Robertson. I call this an “honor” because it isn’t too often (every two years if you do the math) that you get to see the WASPy alumni of Texas’ most pretentious school pee their pants because they have to hang out in the Third Ward for a few hours.

“Mommy… is that one of those ‘negroes’ you told us about?”
“Quiet son, if you don’t make eye contact they won’t even know your here.”

Oh, you think that’s racist? I’ll have a little more on the racist proclivities of our C-USA cousins in just a second.

Something that doesn’t begin to approach matters of race, however is rank (well, I guess that used to kindasorta be an issue of race as well). The Houston Cougars are ranked #17 going into Saturday’s game. SMU will have an upset-state-of-mind when they come to town and the Coogs will need to avoid another UTEP-type abortion. Things should be under control however… Why? Because we’ve still got the Opponent Essentials! That’s why!

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