FaF Opponent Essentials: Tulane


Each week we’ll dig deep to find the best dirt on the next opponent of the Cougars. If you have any suggestions for us, e-mail them to as (admin@fourthandfifty.com) and we’ll make sure to include them. Generic shit-talk is highly encouraged.

tulane_green_wave_iphone_wallpaper

Big 12? Amateurs. SEC? UFL prospects at best. C-USA? Now you’re striking fear into the hearts of Cougar fans everywhere.

Each C-USA opponent worries me in a different way. UTEP, it’s really far away, so our boys got tired and couldn’t perform. Rice, the girls on the sidelines are so damn ugly our players could be blinded and not be able to play. Tulane? They’re close to New Orleans. Shit hole before the storm, shit hole after the storm.

1.) New Orleans: Now with 20% less murder! Seriously, New Orleans sucks ass. It’s dirty, smells, and its where everyone goes to be able to piss in the street. What the fuck is so much fun about buying a $12 drink in a piece of plastic, only to vomit it up shortly thereafter? Nothing, I say.

2.) Your QB is weak and puny! He couldn’t even sustain a light grazing from Phillip “I’ll eat your soul” Hunt!

3.) Inclement Weather is breaking news Is your program so boring that this is the front page of the athletics site? Some artful maneuvering of scheduled practices around some rain? I’m trying to think of a witty pun involved a rather large storm a few years ago, and lack of ability to maneuver around that, but it escapes me….

4.) You like to wave at opposing teams

Green “Wave”

At the Tulane-TCU football game on August 30, 2003, student Sean McCloskey and some of his classmates started the Green “Wave” tradition at Tulane. McCloskey supplied green gloves for the student body to wear at the game, and the students then waved goodbye with their green hands every time the opposing offense left the field. This tradition was picked up by the Tulane University Athletics Department in 2005. It is used in a similar manner to the Tomahawk Chop or Gator Chomp.

Yes, it’s exactly like those hand movements, except its not 100,000 people doing it, it’s 27. Not quite the same effect.

5.) And what the hell kind of nickname is Green Wave? Unless you plan on playing teams with Cymophobia year in year out, that mascot isn’t going to scare anyone. How would you even put a live mascot onto the campus? What? It happened in 2005? Oh, ok. Fair play.

6.) Not so good at bowling Your last bowl game was in 2002, the Hawaii Bowl. While it was a win, UH would show you how it’s fucking done the next year. You don’t go to Hawaii to win, you go there to fight with the locals. (Careful, watching the video will make you vomit at how bad our defense was).

7.) Fuck it There is literally nothing interesting about your university.  I just spent the last 30 minutes trying to find something, anything to make fun of that didn’t involve hurricanes. Nothing. You suck Tulane, how dare you impede our attempts to trivialize your school by doing it yourselves. Get ready for a pillaging this Saturday!

– Wanks MacGruber

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8 Comments

  1. Jerry Spring is an alum right?

    • I would pay straight cash money to smash a chair over that bastards head…

  2. Apparently. And so is Bruce Lee’s daughter, and the original Starsky.How the hell did I miss this?

    • I don’t know, but I remember an article in the Daily Cougar in ’01 or ’02 saying that the Tulane campus had a herpes outbreak as well.

  3. I love your site…you can tell that you put a lot of work into it. Keep it up!

    Go Coogs!

    • Shirley, you must be kidding.

      • He is serious…and stop calling him Shirley.

  4. “How would you even put a live mascot onto the campus? What? It happened in 2005? Oh, ok. Fair play.”

    Classic!


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