1/18, 1/19, and 1/20 Houston Sports FaF Smears

Songs of the Days: Lonely Island – “Like a Boss”

Don't cry for me FaFentina

Awwwww, did you guys miss us? Did you think that we left you under the cover of night like the Colts from Baltimore? Trust me, we considered it. We’re coming up on our Anniversary for Fourth and Fifty and none of us have seen the payback that we expected. There has been no stacks of greenbacks. Katie Couric has not given us a call to do an expose on the founders. And the hos… well, there have been and always will be the hos. They just can’t give up the FaF lovin’, but that’s been true since the first day I unsheathed my pen(is).

It was just a little miscommunication that kept us from our loyal followers of the interwebz. Pipez neglected to mention he was going to suck at life for two days. Josh was too busy “being Josh.” And, Wanks MacGruber and Reginald Blackstone haven’t even read the site they helped form since early October. Such are the perils of swagtastic blogging.

If you were worried, we’re sorry. To comfort you in this time of need, you should know that JBJ is still up to his old tricks. Thank God he’s just not pulling them over here on FaF. Did you want to read a ridiculously long and uninformed review about Modern Warfare 2? I knew you were going to say “yes.” That’s why I’m linking it here. Looks like JBJ even stole my formula for numerous “ed. notes”… Hey, JBJ. When you’re the only writer, there is no editor. The whole muthafawkin’ thing is an ed. note. And, by the looks of it you have about 19 hundred words of editorial notes.

So we’re back in the swing of things once again. Just to catch you up: All is right with the world again as the Cowboys exited the playoffs this weekend. What’s an NFL offseason without an implosion in the Big D? Boring, that’s what it is. The suicide rate in Wisconsin is about to spike come February when Favre wins the Super Bowl. If someone fulfills the outlandish, ego-fluffing, comments that he makes, can we even call it “hubris”, because Rex Ryan (after squeaking into the playoffs) is living up to the expectations only he could set. University of Texas fell to the curse of the #1 losing to Kansas State whom surprisingly have maintained a good team after the Marcus Beasley era. I did not see that one coming. And, I’m sure other sportsy-type stuff happened too, but whatever. All you guys are going to do is talk about the coogs in the comments. So, let’s move on.

You Houston sports updates await:

Pipez’s Top and Bottom 10

It seems like nowadays everyone has some sort of poll where they rank all best and worst teams. ESPN even has a fan poll for college football where every overweight, tooth-less, jorts-wearing redneck in Louisana can rank their “Bayou Bengals” #1 despite a loss to Florida and a glaring lack of an “offense.” So, in the spirit of fan polls, I bring you Pipez’s Top and Bottom 10 polls, as voted on by me, because your votes don’t matter.

She can sit on top of my pole

October 9th Houston FaF Smear

Song of the Day – Jim Crow – “Holla at a Playa“

Judaaaaaasssssssss!

The first time I saw the hit on Tim Tebow I cringed. I looked away from the screen. My stomach morphed into Jello and I considered turning off the TV and calling it a night. The shoulder to the chest, the perfect follow through tackle, the back of the head to the knee, OH SHIT!… he has his arms raised like he’s headed for the light. (Kind of like the guy on the right in this incredible double KO)

Now, two week later, ESPN plays the following loop every time they talk about Tim Tebow: Massive hit from angle #1, massive hit from angle #2, massive hit from angle #3, Urban Meyer hovering over Tebow, Tebow Christ on the cart, Tebow in the ambulance. Since the World Wide Leader talks about the BCS Lord and Savior roughly eight times and hour that means I’ve watched the event roughly 4,032 times. To say the least I’m desensitized:

I could watch that video all day long. It’s like a puppies, shooting stars and Scotch all rolled up into a single, minute and a half video. The only thing I can ask is that no one ever send me the link to a snuff film. By previous precedent I would only be horrified for roughly five minutes before I started reveling in the act (… back and to the left).

Yeah, so in case you missed it, Florida and LSU have a rather big game coming up on Saturday and the former superman, now concussed Tim Tebow may or not play.  STAY TUNED!! Oh, and watch that video a couple more times…

On to the rest of your Houston sports updates:

August 26th Houston FaF Smear

Sitting on the 59. Summer’s coming up from behind. All the way from ’92. I need to get myself a better look at you.

The Eagles roster is becoming a clusterfuck of epic proportions. Perhaps Andy Reid has a couple tricks still up his arm flab, but for now nothing makes sense. Many resolutions need to be decided on (like, right now) however there is one that we can rest easy on (for now).

Kevin “The Kolbatron” Kolb will remain the Eagles’ number two QB on the depth chart… well, that’s what I make of the situation, anyway. KK will have the entire fourth quarter to himself in Philly’s upcoming preseason game against the Jacksonville Jaguars tomorrow night. Also, Donovan McNabb will be playing in the first three quarters of the game… Which leaves one, very high profile, much maligned quarter back without a timeslot under center.

Michael Vick is not scheduled (as far as anyone can figure out) to take any snaps in the coming game, so where does that put him? Are we going to see him in the Wilddogcat formation? Slot receiver? Running the wishbone (would be so awesome)?

Kolb, Mr. Hometown Hero, Mr. Starting-UH-Back-on-the-Road-to-Respectability, please don’t mess this up for yourself. Don’t mess it up for us either. The last time we sacrificed our reputation for a dog killer was when we hired Dana Dimel and that didn’t turn out well for any of us (he was a hot dog killer, but still).

On to your Houston sports updates:

Daily FaF Smear (2/24/09)

The one where I’ve got my flippy floppies.

Yep, that's where it hurts.

It’s no secret that I’m an Eagles fan.  It says so in my “bio” and I have a Nerf football to prove it.  So consider my relief when I heard that Donovan is not going to sit idly by while his team does nothing in the off-season to bolster the club.  He truly is a Philadelphia hero.  He’s never bitched, whined, complained or been mistaken.  McNabb is going to hold off on considering his contract extension until the Eagles get their act together and improve the roster.  Good show.

Among the first improvements?  Finding a new F’ing QuarterB.  This is getting ridiculous now.  Nobody here is saying that Kevin Kolb should be given the opportunity to start (but we are).  I wouldn’t wish the brutal Philly environment on our hometown hero.  Something has to change though.  Start at the top (cough ANDY REID cough) and work your way down.  If Reid goes, the umbilical cord can finally be cut and Philadelphians can finally get on to love/hating someone else.  It’s a win-win situation here.  There are only so many insults you can hurl at one starting QB and the NFC East.  Wait. What?  Never mind.  We’re pretty creative up there.

Up ahead are your Houston Sports updates:

Half Time and a New Beginning

As we sit here watching the waning minute of the first half of the NFC Championship Game it’s hard to imagine that the Eagles have much of a shot of turning the ship around.  Apparently, they forgot the defensive playbook at the hotel and McNabb forgot that he doesn’t have a premier receiver lining up wide.  But, all that is for naught.