Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
Each week through rain, hail, sleet or SNOW, or when we feel like putting effort into it, FaF will size up our opponent, and provide you, our faithful readers, with plenty of fodder for hating the opposing team. Because that’s what we do at FaF. We don’t cheer our team on in a good-natured manner, to remain “classy” or “sportsmanlike” or “respectful”. We bring the mother effin’ pain in the form of the truth! If you can’t handle it, go reminisce about the Veer on Coogfans! This is the new era of UH, where we take no prisoners and rape and pillage on our way to championships! For at least one post a week we abandon our “Houston. Sports. Satire.” by-line and bring the “Houston. Sports. Swagger.”
"Chad" strikes again
I hope all you unappreciative bottom posters realize the bravery it takes to write this post today, with this foreign white substance falling from the sky. I’m honestly scared. Have we polluted our fair town so much that the gases are mixing with pollution and forming a precipitate? (Oh snap… Nerdy chemistry pun!!! That’s what I get for working at Rice).
So we have already offered our Peace n Blessin’s to the Pirates of East Carolina, but now it is time to take off the kid gloves.
1) Where is the mythical state of East Carolina? It must be neighbors with Narnia. I only think this because Greenville doesn’t even have an airport. Where is the wardrobe that we need to use to get there. It is a proven fact that Houstonians are of the larger variety, can we even fit through said wardrobe?
2) Their most notable non-athlete alum is Sandra Bullock – Oh good god, think about how the quality of life in America would be vastly improved without movies like Speed, Miss Congeniality, Miss Congeniality 2 (holy shit, they made a sequel?), Two Weeks Notice, The Net, and Hope Floats.
3) They taught Todd Graham how to fake injuries – If you like unsubstantiated message-board rumors (and we do!), Tulsa was accusing ECU of faking injuries last year against Tulsa in the championship game. I never thought anyone from Carolina could be a trend setter, after all they aren’t known for their hipster scene.
4) SHkip Holtz – Probably doesn’t spit when he talks, nor does he have a lisp, but either way he’s still related to Dr. Lou. Don’t get me wrong, I like Lou Holtz, but I definitely wouldn’t want those genes.
5) Vince McMahon is also an ECU alum – Wow… It doesn’t get more degenerate than professional wrestling. It’s the soap opera for trailer trash, inspiring its fans to try out their amateur wrestling moves on the Jerry Springer show. Also, he is probably the person who taught ECU to fake injuries last year.
6) The founder of Golden Corral is an ECU alum - Not only did ECU charge themselves with providing the world with classy, smart, thought-provoking entertainment in the form of Sandra Bullock movies and the WWE, but they also wanted to provide a classy place to engorge yourself with mass quantities of low-quality food. I’m not going to lie to you, I have never been inside a Golden Corral in my life, does that make me better than someone who has? Yes, I am therefore 10% healthier. I do like the culture that the ECU alumni have created for America. Former KU coach Mark Mangino hopes Skip Holtz gets fired so that he coach ECU in exchange for free Golden Corral for life.
7. The rebranding of the Butt Pirate image – As seems to be the trend this year with CUSA schools like Tulsa, ECU decided to re-”package” their mascot. Apparently, their target audience is into a little male on male action(NTTIAWWT). From what I have heard that is what’s popular in that part of the country, but only if it is with young boys inside the family. I realize that maybe ECU was trying to capitalize on the success of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, but it looks more like they are capitalizing on the success of male strippers instead.
Don't let him stab you with his "sword"
I thought to myself that maybe the New Raleigh paper (click the link and read the comments!) had it right. Maybe ECU should modernize their logo to more genuinely reflect the modern day pirate. Don’t you think that modern day pirates are tired of the same old stereotypes of scurvy, talking funny, and having hidden treasure? Maybe they would appreciate the respect ECU would give them, and therefore leave our ships alone. DO THIS FOR AMERICA ECU!
8. We beat ECU last year, at their place, when they were ranked - I’m sure they think it was some sort of fluke. We also beat another ranked team last year which was Tulsa, what was the score you ask? 70-30. ECU couldn’t quite pull off that kinda win on them last year in the title game. In fact, I would argue that ECU has a better chance of winning because they aren’t ranked, because of Sumlin’s 3-0 record against ranked opponents. It’s ok ECU tell us your defense will win the game, we only played 4 other teams that had better defenses than you, and only shot our selves in the foot against one of them.
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I think Chad changed his name to The Tough Guy or something, judging from the word count.
That’s Mr. Tough Guy to you.
Let’s arm wrestle for it!
Cock push-up contest.
The only thing that ECU has over us is attendance. Early reports are that they have only sold 30K tickets, falling more than 10K short of a sell out, and the game will be blacked out in North Carolina. So they suck so bad that the few of them that own televisions will still have to listen their championship game on the radio. Houston wins again.
I’ve been thinking long and hard about this, and i think that even if UH wins the championship, we should go to the New Orleans Bowl. Do an analysis of which city is better: New Orleans or Memphis within 7 categories (too lazy to think of 10): 1) food; 2) quality of the hos; 3) whether the average 50 year old Coogfan will bitch about the tomfoolery of the locale; 4) ease of access (from the rear!!); 5) culture of the city; 6) chances of being killed; 7) chances of being anally raped. I think wanks or reginald should do a post about this debate, since they’ve been on sabatical with Septimus.
1.) Memphis BBQ 2.) Tennessee chicks are hot 3.) Who gives a fuck about a coogfan…they’ll bitch about anything 4.) Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium, Beale St., and Memphis Airport are within a 7 mile radius 5.) New Orleans is living Post Katrina. Weezy or Three 6 Mafia? I guess it’s personal preference 6.) Act a fool and you’re gonna get merked in either city 7.) Never really considered this…is this a possibility? How do we prevent such an occurence? 8.) The Liberty Bowl has it over NOLA in quality of opponent, prestige of the bowl, and TV viewership. You can make the trip 4 days leaving morning of 12/31 and returning Sunday 1/3 for $475 air fare and hotel.
First let’s win CUSA.
Who ever makes this website sucks at life. GO DIE IN MISERy.
Later. First there is a football championship to win.
Thanks for your appreciation.
Caps (un)Lock FTW!!!11!ONE!!
Interesting link…. apparently their fans are of the WWE, Golden Corral culture. Maybe we’ll make friends with them and they’ll invite us to a NASCAR race
http://www.boneyardbanter.com/message_board/banter/2009/December/4/730125.php
My grandma tried to move our Thanksgiving dinner to Golden Corral this year. She was relieved of her Thanksgiving hosting duties. That place is special.
Um..Greenville has an airport dummy. A simple google search would tell you that. The Pirate guy only walks the team on the field, he’s not the mascot…not that the mascot is that much better, but again, you need to actually research something before you start talking smack IMO.
Also – game will not be blacked out like this other person up here said. That’s BS. The game would have sold out if the weather weren’t going to suck, too many fence sitters here.
Excuse me, MAJOR airport. I don’t seen Contenental flying in there these days. and attendance excuses? you sound like you could root for us.
By the way, the definition of mascot is:
A person, animal, or object believed to bring good luck, especially one kept as the SYMBOL of an organization such as a sports team.
Therefore, that dirty stripper would be defined as your mascot, even though you may have more than one mascot.
I’m sure the Pirate walks BEHIND the team on the field, or at least behind the tight ends.
You sir, do not know what you are talking about.
Erroneous on both accounts!!!
I got the news about the game being blacked out from ECU fan forum. It is confirmed by their own fans.
http://www.boneyardbanter.com/message_board/banter/2009/December/4/730212.php
And Greenville airport does not receive commercial air lines. Only USA Airways express flights from the local air port in Charlotte, private planes, and cargo. So allow me to specify…Greenville does not have an air port that anyone could actually fly to. If you want to consider this an air port, then John Travolta also has an air port in his yard.
You have no idea of what you are talking about. The game is not blacked out, that was a joke. You can fly into Greenville’s airport. I have flown in and out of it many times and not on a private plane.
stop lying.
1st – Houston Fans are idiots. Finally one good year in football and they feel they have room to talk smack. 2nd Greenville’s airport takes more than just USA Airways(idiot -it’s US Airways). Just because Houston has a Continental Hub doesn’t been it is the only airline in the country…maybe you should think about leaving Houston or maybe your one of the million of mexican’s that have jumped the border to live there. Houston should think about investing in some signs that have english on them instead of spanish. Go back to living the dream with Hakeem and Clyde the Glyde cause that’s the best Houston’s ever going to have. Also the game is not blacked out in NC. Know your facts before you start typing.
I love how dumb the ECU fans are. “Houston sucks… because you guys have stuff, and you have mexicans.” So we have great tacos for less than a dollar and cheap labor… I’m so insulted. Weak smack.
You act like ECU has been some power football team, with your 0 top 25 finishes. Last year we at least helped expose you as the unranked team you were supposed to be. At least Houston has accomplished something athletically. I’d rather be a has been than a never was and never will be.
After today, we will expose you as the has been you have been. You lost to UTEP….enough said and got lucky against everyone else….should have lost to Tulsa…if SMU hadn’t been so bad we wouldn’t even be having this discussion right now because you would be not be in this situation. Go accomplish this ..I.. athleically. and you do suck…haha
I’m fairly certain we talked smack during bad years as well. Obviously we don’t require substantiation.
I appreciate the porn suffix, by the way. Work that corner.
walking in memphis….10 feet off of beale….houston walking home in the cold…..talk all the smack you want to now…..ahahahahahahahaha….suck it HOUSTON COUGSUXXX
X
walking in memphis….houston walking home in the cold….ahahahah suck it bitches….
Congrats to the PIrates. Enjoy your stay in Mempho. One word of advice, when you get to your hotel room there is a box that has people talking on it. This is called a TV and there are not tiny people living inside it. Also, the small room with the white chair is called a bathroom. Lastly, when you put on your fancy clothes and go to fetch sum vittles, since Mempho is a big city do not ask for possum or raccoon.
Hey ECU fans where are you? Petey Pablo has a message for you
No, no…he’s talking to NORTH Carolina.
That pirate guy looks like the lead singer of 80′s hard rock band Slave Raider. Don;t ask me why I knew that so quickly.
While I do agree that Golden Corral does look like a casting call for the newest season of Biggest Loser, the food is pretty good. If you want to go ot the New Orleans bowl instead of the the Liberty Bowl, you must be either stupid or have an affinity for getting stabbed while buying a Coke at a Valero.
I have some things to say.
First, Pipez, I am very proud of you. You stepped your game up big time and kept your pimp hand strong. From this day forth, Septimus Rex shall be referred to as “Emo Wally Pip”.
Second, I love when the opposition (just like a politician, I do not refer to them by name) tries to argue on the merits of one of the 8 above points. Dumbass, you’re lucky we even google searched your school’s name before writing this. Men do not make pacts with lions, and we didn’t ask your permission to a) defame your school or b) defile http://www.thingsididlastnight.com
Third, the guy who told us to GO DIE IN MISER. How did he know that I work in the lowest wage earning professional sector in America? Does he have ESP? That occult stuff really freaks me out.
Fourth, a list of movie stars that women think are pretty but guys don’t and the only reason women think they are pretty is because they’re not sexy, so women aren’t threatened by them. If I didn’t hate the Sports Guy’s guts, I’d call these the Sandra Bullock Allstars:
Sandra Bullock in everything but the original Speed
Jennifer Anniston (she looks like Beaker the Muppet with that big schnozz)
Julia Roberts after Pretty Woman
Kirsten Dunst and her baby chick-let teeth
Renee Zellweger except for Jerry McGwire
Cammy Diaz – controversial, but true
Fifth, more cursing, please.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
T. Random Guy, Esquire
I have one more thing to say.
East Carolina’s message board looks like something set up in 1994, when we first discovered the interwebs. I had a childhood friend who loved him some Rush Limbaugh. Probably still does. Anyway, I lived in Kentucky and his family was chock full o’ rich doctors and big time in the Kentucky Republican Party. So when the internet took off, he would spend 9+ hours per day on the RNC message boards talking about how Right Rush was. The message boards looked just like the East Carolina’s one from today, in basically 2010. I don’t know what this means, but I think it means this:
East Carolina is the place that will vote for Sarah Palin in 2012 because they want to fantasize about fucking a hot Republican President. It’s like 4 fantasies in 1.
Fuck shit cock asshole east caroilina in their mother fucking bitch ass koshkesh
thumbs up for that – you do the legal profession proud
SCOREBOARD!
Scoreboard shows two things.
1) You won yesterday. Congrats.
2) Your sister is your second cousin. Congrats again.
Congrats on the win. It was a hard fought game, and you guys were the better team on Saturday. Our team clearly has some things to fix before next year. I believe the team we have currently is good enough to beat you guys at least half the time, but it did not happen Saturday. The game came down to the last drive, and the breaks that went our way all year, did not on our last offensive play. That’s college football, and we just have to deal with the outcome. With the win you guys earned your trip to the Liberty Bowl. Please do not embarass the conference with a loss to Arkansas. I will be rooting for you guys for the sake of CUSA.
Mutha Fuckin Ft. Worth bowl…AGAIN…against who? chAIR FORCE? fucking again!???!
FUCK!
Don’t worry…Assistant Athletics Director Mike Rea has gotten a piece of my mind today.
Shouldve been playing middle tennessee state oh we’ll…
not sure who it is that respects Air Force much more than Middle Tennessee. Difference is, Air Force has a recipe that can destroy our team. Both times we played them last year it was close, and they have a better rushing team and better pass defense than any team we’ve played this year. Maybe we’re working on driving CKS’ stock down to the point that we can keep him around for pennies on the dollar.
Damn all that, we can not/should not lose to AFA.
Can we get to 11 wins please, that way I can quote that total when I get old and fogey-ish?