Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
Honey, have you seen my phone?
[Pause, for dramatic effect]
"Who da fuck is diz bitch?!"
Yes, Tiger finally admitted to putting on a green other than his wife’s. Shame on you Tiger. Don’t you realize that Big Hitter’s world is collapsing around him. You’re causing him to lose faith in the game of golf.
Tiger issued an apology to his fans and to his family. However, it was a little late for the family one. Elin already took matters into her own hands. Literally. She bashed the shit out of his Escalade last week with one of his golf clubs. I’m not sure which iron she used, but it got the job done. Police photos show that both rear windows were busted out in order “to help Tiger out” as she put it. Yeah, help him feel the wrath of a pissed of Swede. One interesting note. The police photos show a book on the floor of the back seat entitled “Get a Grip on Physics” Don’t you just love the irony? Elin did precisely that. Adulterous husband + plus pissed off wife + golf club = fucked up SUV. Now that’s physics.
"Get a grip? I got one right here. Fore, mother fucker!!"
A voice mail was released to the media of Tiger telling his new squeeze to change her voicemail because his wife checked his phone. Good call. Tiger did you not know that a voicemail is a recording? Way to go champ. And a text message that said, “I will wear you out”…Really? How were you going to do that? Were you going wear your green jacket and scream, “I AM the Master” as you get off? Now that’s what I call an “Open”.
Obviously the question remains, what the hell were you thinking Tiger? Your wife is one of the hottest women on the planet. I guess she was just not doing it for him anymore. The alleged “transgressions”, as Tiger put it, began in 2007 as Elin was about to giver birth to their first child. Ok so maybe she was feeling a little unattractive as pregnant women might. Maybe she was not in having the vaj pounded. And maybe the idea of a handskie or blowey was out of the question as well. I get it Tiger. No wait…I fucking don’t. So you can’t even treat yourself while your wife is bearing your child who will one day take of the world?
In the end I guess the answer was no. So what does Tiger do? He bags a waitress. A cocktail waitress. A less attractive than his wife(who by the way can probably suck start a Harley) cocktail waitress. Excellent choice. Because banging a woman that is hard up for cash will never come back to bite you. And you let it go on for 31 months? You should totally go into politics Tiger, because you fooled us all during those victory speeches.
I have to commend you on the cover up. It was going good. But then you made the big mistake. You let your wife look at your phone. Don’t you know you get a separate phone for your mistress? You should have hung out with Kanye more often. He could have filled you in. I’mma let you finish though. Elin checks his phone and boom goes the dynamite. Sweden may pretend to be neutral when it comes to war, but just wait until you piss them off. I bet you weren’t expecting a beat down from a sweet little blonde.
And then you lie even more about the whole thing. Did you really think we were that stupid? I hope you have a pre-nup or you’re paying for this one. I suppose you could pull a Kobe and buy Elin a nice expensive gift. Maybe a diamond studded golf club. It will look good shoved up your ass.
Congratulations, Tiger, on your epic fail.
Say hello to your mother for me,
Moose Knuckle
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Hate on Tiger much?
It is Moose Knuckle’s way. He was always more of a David Duval kind of guy.
I wasn’t exactly sure how Tiger could become MORE popular and get MORE media attention than he did before…now I know.
This still will not downgrade his position in his sport, nor his popularity. He is even more of a Badass than he was previously.
FORE!!
Excuse me, do you mind if I play through…with your cocktail waitress/gf/wifey?
I think its because tiger is half black, half pacific islander/asian. Fourth and Fifty is chalk full of nothing but racist, wannabe white supremecists hoping to give a curb smile to the Houston Sports scene.
Why did he lie about it? He should have just played this one straight up. First you make the money. Then you find the woman. You make the woman sign a prenup. Then you do whatever the hell you want. Fuck whoever you want. And you force the woman to do your bidding…yes your sickest desires… and if she won’t, then you threaten to leave her with nothing. This is Harem Building 101.
He lied about it because he knows about the wrath of a Swede scorn. Have you seen Beowulf, the animated version? How would you like to do something to turn your wife into Grendal’s Mother? Taking a golf club to an Escalade isn’t even all that bad. Believe me, I’ve seen much worse shit than that whenever you piss off a woman. Guess what happens when you feed your husband’s dog broken glass?
Actually I just watched that movie 2 days ago. You don’t marry Grendel’s Mother for 1…that’s an easy one. Bang her sure. And 2, you don’t marry any woman with such extreme anger management issues. Why would you ever marry someone that would feed a dog broken glass? That woman is obviously sick and that can’t be first demented thing she’s ever done. 3, you wear the man pants, and if you’re going to be unfaithful…or build a harem…then you marry a woman who is weak, and you dictate to her. And 4, always be honest with women…even if you tell them you are going to or already did sleep with another woman they will appreciate the honesty, and cut you more slack. And you don’t lie because the women always find out….because as I’ve heard it….Men are like dogs, they shit right out in the open where everyone can see it, whereas women are like cats, and they hide their shit where it most likely won’t ever be found. Tiger was shitting out in the open. Shoulda kept it 100.
This guy can get himself off?
http://www.jungledrops.com/drops/Tiger%20Woods%20-%20The%20Golf%20Course%20Looks%20Good.mp3
Yeah, I bet.
Never cared about Robo Tiger, anyway. Comes onto the scene and lets everyone know that it’s not about race. Then pulls the race card.
Good job, Robo.
He played the race card?
What CCG is it for? Modifiers?
-10 modifier for stealth.