Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
SOTD - “High Cost of Living” – Jamey Johnson
Everyone is the best at something... We are the best at sucking.
0-18
That’s the Nets record setting record. They drew inspiration from last year’s Lions team and decided they could set their own mark for futility. Actually, I think they saw the ’08 Lions record as a challenge. Reports have been popping up around the internet that in the offseason, the players’ motto was “0-16 is nothing.”
Personally, I’m hoping they keep this streak alive. I want to see 0-82. I’m pretty sure that 0-82 is impossible. At some point, the Nets would have to win a game, even if it was something like the movie Final Destination, except instead of all the players dying, they would magically be making plays. Brook Lopez could shoot at the wrong basket, and somehow fate would intervene by the scoreboard falling, hitting the ball with enough force to reverse the ball in flight and send it in to the correct goal. I’m pretty sure this will happen around 0-24.
Either way, this team can be like the 72′ Dolphins and break out the champagne each time the last win-less NBA team gets their first win before 18 game. Congratulations New Jersey, you now suck at basketball as much as you suck at everything else.
Houston Rockets – Got past the Clips 102-85. I guess that’s not really news to anyone, but it happened last night. For those of you who have not given up trying to understand Ron-Ron, he will try to get under your skin by saying he didn’t even read the Rockets offer sheet. Of course he didn’t. Everyone knows 1/2 the NBA is functionally illiterate.
Houston Texans – The Texans players are so smart! They recognize the seriousness of their situation. Wow. I can’t believe I wasted 1 minute of my life skimming that column. Thank you Captain Obvious John McClain for writing that stellar piece of journalism. I wonder if he dropped the extra gravy he ordered to dip his triple bacon cheese burger in on his original article, and said “Fuck it, I’ll just mail it in.” Wait a minute here’s the real reporting. Why not write a column with the insightful information you put in the notes, what a novel idea?
Houston Cougars – Lots of tidbits. Case Keenum is a finalist for the Walter Camp award. The O-Line gets some well-deserved love. The tennis coach has been doing some international recruiting, signing two filthy Brits, Celia Fraser of Birmingham and Josephine Garvey of Saltburn-by-the-See. Can you actually get a saltburn? And wouldn’t you get it by the sea not see? Oh…you crazy Brits with your weird spelling like grey, litre, and colour.
Rice Owls – Finally had a chance to redeem themselves for the academic inferiority complex they have with Harvard, but they failed getting blown our 85-64 in Cambridge. Someone should remind them that Harvard doesn’t have athletic scholarships. At least the merm will make them feel better by gift wrapping a game for them, like he typically does. Merry Christmas Rice!
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John McClain = a chicken fried pork cop wrapped in bacon, with a diet coke?
Go Coogs, F Rice.
Anyone heading out to the b-ballz game on Sunday? Let me guess, you will be watching the texans lose again; there are ALWAYS new ways to lose games…just give them some time to draw it up. For me, the Rosencopter will never get old; its on ESPNClassic now…
It’ll be the last seconds of the fourth quarter, score tied 0-0. MJD will look at Cush-lash and tell him his momma can suck it. Cush will intercept the pass, give it to MJD, who will run it in for the touchdown, only for young Cushing to drop kick his ass as MJD crosses the goal line. Standing over him, Cush will say “I…I…I love my momma very much.” I bet Random Guy’s entire salary at FAF that’s whats going to happen this weekend.
Hey Pipez, nice job finding that Nobel Laureate on UH staff. That was cracking me up. The ECU fans on Coogfans have nothing to pull from…Sandra Bullock. Let’s get an OE up and get them over her so we can gang rape.
We will have one tomorrow (hopefully)
Ron-Ron had an offer? After missing two team buses in LA and hopping on the third in his draws in from of his big boss and his pals…that offer never happened. Nor were the Rockets quite that lowly to offer that shot-chucker 12 mil per. Sounds almost as cute as that Troof story about that kid getting stabbed on the court back in the day…
I will take your word that the Rear Admiral’s fax stunk today. Didn’t care enough about him, Team Texans, or the Comical to read along.
I think Rear Admiral is more worried about how cousin “Mark in Lawrence, KS” has his job slipping away…