Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
Most of you know Big Hitter as our first reader/commenter, and also as the only reader/commenter who we can be assured won’t kill us one day (unlike this guy). But in the spirit of Fan Appreciation Week, there is a lot more about “El Bateador Grande” that you don’t know but should…
That picture really doesn’t have a point or a connection to the theme. I just thought it was funny. The worst possible scenario is you show up at the feminbration and get your manhood cut off. Best case scenario? ”Not Gina, it’s Gina. What’s up. Listen, I’m going to be real honest with you. It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a man. I spent a lot of time with the “ladies” and I’m lookin’ to get back up on that pogo stick. You know what I’m sayin’? If we could get together and you could tuck your sack back, it would make the transition a lot easier for me.”
Let’s try again…
Like I said, Big Hitter was the first and least crazy of our 4 fanboys. Our first #1 stunna, if you will. He stuck with us through the lean years, although quite frankly we aren’t exactly feasting now, know what I’m sayin’? He stuck wit us. He was recently awarded The Nobel Awesome Prize for Bottom Poster Emeritus by the FaF Nobel Committe for Excellence In Innovation and Awesomeness (by me, just now). The Nobel Awesome prize is like the peace prize or the economics prize except much more awesome.
Let me tell you a bit more about Big Hitter:
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Big Hitter killed Biggie AND Tupac. Screw Eastside and Westside; Southside 4 Life!
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Big Hitter was offered the head golf coach position at UH. He turned it down because he doesn’t believe in “scholar-athletes”. He didn’t need “books” to ace med school, and neither should the pansy-ass golf team.
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Chris Brown (the singer) was just trying to live up to Big Hitter’s example. What? Too soon?
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Big Hitter drinks out of a boot. But he does not shoot said boot.
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Big Hitter wears Santa outfits in August. Because he killed Santa and took his damn suit, that’s why.
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Big Hitter doesn’t “have sex” or “make love”. He repopulates.
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Big Hitter doesn’t get sunburnt. The sun gets Big Hitter-burnt.
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Big Hitter is naturally left-handed, but plays golf righty to give everyone else a fighting chance. He’s like Inigo Montoya that way.
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Brett Michaels wrote “Every Rose” about Big Hitter. Brett Michaels has never even met Big Hitter, he just saw his picture once.
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The Pope offered his job to Big Hitter, but Big Hitter turned it down because it would have hurt the feelings of Buddhists. Big Hitter is a man of peace.
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Big Hitter actually came very close to acheiving world peace in BC 650, but God asked him to hold off for a few thousand years. BH is a team player like that.
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November 25th is “Big Hitter Day” in most African countries.
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This guy says Big Hitter is his hero:
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Thanks for the kind words but I have to go work out now.
I like Big Hitter. He does the Bottom Posters proud…even though I think he is slightly too agreeable. But to each his own…live and let live I say. Do I say that?
TRG – You are right. At some point I probably am going to kill you. Or…at least head butt you, knock one of your teeth out, or smack you in the face with a tree branch. Not because I don’t like you…that’s not it all…but because that just seems to be what it is that I do. Don’t ask me why. If I understood why, I could stop…these things just seem to keep happening. The part that perplexes me more is dope boy fresh criminal record. Not a damn stain on me. Apparently I am very elusive when fucked up…or I melt into the shadows…Yes I have the ability to get to a point where I have mind control over my surroundings…if I eat enough mushrooms anyway.
And about this post…this is another post by TRG that has not even a shred of sport within. I understand it’s hard to write about things your wife won’t let you take part in…think maybe it’s time for some changes at home? You are going to be watching football and eating Turkey right? Please tell me you won’t be in the kitchen with the womenz baking the pies. Though your apron would look so cute.
Two of the bullets are about golf, tough guy.
Your wife lets you play that?
hey tough guy…get me some more rollz.
I watched the Coogs dismantle a ranked OU team last night in b-ballz…the defensive intensity was fantastic, it was what turned the tide of the game and basically demoralized the sooners.
F them, they were over-ranked(#25) and we took it to them. They play again tonight, not sure of the details though.
as this post is concerned…I like ‘tha RanDOm Hitter’. his posts are direct, to the point, and filled with douchbaggery, mutha-fukness, etc.; basically all things that make Big-Hittin’ what it is.
Well, thank goodness the bouncyballin’ Coogs took that to heart and rolled over against San Diego.
Don’t get me wrong, San Diego is a good enough squad to make the tourney way more recently than our own, but just the radio call of this game makes me think this is the UTEP of C-USA bouncyball.
Lower expectations are what we are out here, though. I mean, because if you stet high expectations for the guys, you “are setting them up for failure”, according to the irrelevant bozos art Coogfans who believe they are relevant, but provide nothing more than ROFLs…
Eat up that D-2 tourney host school, guys! .I always root for UAA in this tourney, so this will be something…if I stay home to listen to it. This earache and whatnot may only be cured by a trip to the Rob tonight!
yeah, watched that last night – we played like carp
I like …I’m changing my name.
But besides your incredibly long bottom posts and your morally superior attitude, how are we going to know it is you?
his handle?