We are sellouts. And so should you. Be. Sellouts.

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”  You want to get into a constitutional catfight?  Which of the two scenarios below seems more likely?

• The Founding Fathers had tech 9s and Chartlon Heston in mind when they wrote this.

• The Founding Fathers knew how effective bear arms would be against revolutionary-period weaponry  (i.e. inaccurate muskets that would take a minute to reload)?  Take your musket and give me my bear arms and see what happens.  +5 to slashing, permadeath FTW.  You’re a dork if you got that last sentence.

Big thanks to heterosexual life partner Goldfish for giving me this shirt on Ron Artest’s birthday.  Let’s see how many of the Random Baby Momma’s uncles I can piss off by wearing it to Thanksgiving.  Over/under is 3.5  You know what mixes well?  Holiday drinking, gun collections, and making fun of the 2nd Amendment.  Good times in Katy, TX next week.  This might actually be my real retirement post, if you know what I mean.

On to selling out, this t-shirt and many others comes from a great site called bustedtees.com.  You’ve probably heard of it or seen some of their shirts.  Here are some of my faves:

• Without ME, it’s just AWESO
• Canada: America’s Hat
• South Korea’s Got Seoul
• Santa Claus is Coming! 
• Robert E. Lee: Most Likely to Secede
• I’m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios (Rex’s life mantra)

and of course

• the dick in a box instruction manual

Triple word score if you get the Burrn’d shirt.  I may/may not have bought that for myself.  Nothing says moral superiority like shirt jokes that reference 10th grade history class. 

If you buy presents for the holidays (otherwise known as Jesus’ birthday desecrated by heathen liberal activist judges), consider buying a few from BustedTees.  Reference “Fourth and Fifty” and we get a kickback.  We promise to plow the revenue a)into your mom’s Ho Co-Op b)back into FaF c)into our drinking fund, but we might buy you a drink to thank you.  As long as it is happy hour with dollar beer.  Please note, if your mom actually operates a Ho Co-Op, we might take a look at some cross-promotional ideas.  Synergy.  Is it like 1,000 degrees in here, or is it just me?  So spend your money at this site.  Or don’t.  But don’t expect to not start receiving tupperware party invitations.  Wanks has a great assortment of double-seal tupperware and we expect you all to be at his house on Sunday at noon. Friends support friends.  Financially.  In their terrible business ventures.

And don’t get pissy about us selling out.  We’ve been trying to do it for almost a year now.  If we have “morals”, and we might not, our rule of thumb would be to promote things we like and use.  Or promote things that pay us well.  Since we don’t have the luxury of the latter, we’ll go with the former.  For example, if Crystal Light wants to pay me to promote Crystal Light Energy, I will hit that shit all day long.  You don’t even have to pay me in dollars, Crystal Light.  Just pay me in delicious Crystal Light Energy. 

True story – one night I crashed at El Rat’s place (no homo) and in the morning plugged in my 360, turned on Guitar Hero 2, and gave him a Crystal Light Energy.  He stood there with a crazy look on his face, drool on his polo shirt, boxers-no-pants, and slightly hunched over playing Sweet Child O’ Mine for 2.5 hours.  No exxageration.  When his girlfriend came over, he turned around with the crazed look and the drool and yelled at her to come over and watch him.  Now they’re engaged.  Crystal Light Energy: The bastard child of crack and matrimony.  Synergy! 

See how natural it is for us, potential advertisers?  Here are some other ideas to which we’re amenable:

• Hipster, Inc., call Rex whenever you feel like it
• Reggie will bow before the awesomeness of GNC’s newest whey protein powder, as long as it has 500% of the daily recommended dosage of awesomeness
• Pipez is looking for an ad partner for his new website www.stalkingcoachsumlin.com
• Wanks is interested in selling diamonds online
• Any maker of mediocre golf equipment, there may be a certain Moose Knuckle in your future

And don’t give us the “for the love of blogging” speech.  The only thing we ever wanted from FaF is money, cash, money, cash hos.  Wanks wanted a green card, too.  You’d sell out if you had the chance, dear reader.  No go spend some of your cash money at bustedtees.com.

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