Teh Random Ramblingz

Song I say I listened to while writing this: Guess Who’s Back?

Song I actually listened to while writing this: Particle Man.

Song you would have listened to were you to be blogging: Put it in my Mouth.

I pray for a world where humans and turkeys can coexist peacefully.

That’s a ridiculous statement, right? Wrong. With Thanksgizzile coming up, it’s the worst time to declare a truce with turkeys.  This turkey treaty liberalism is precisely why the GOP lost in ’06 and ’08.  They should have hired me as a consultant (I am actually registered with both parties, so technically am half a Republican).  No matter what the polls say on turkey treaties, we do not negotiate with a weaker species like turkeys.  We pwn them.  There are no pacts between lions and men, nor between men and turkeys.  But I digress…

This adjustment to semi-retirement (andohbytheway I am semi-retired, and I mean it this time) has been strange because this time of the year is my sports sweet spot (TWSS). These are the things I care about:

• being a good father
• being awesome in general
• professional basketball
• my real job, interestingly enough (a recent rediscovery)

These are the things you care about:

• football
• Coogs
• doing other dudes
• going to hell for it.  sinners.

So November is awesome because of the convergence of everything sports we all love.  We made it through the dredges of summer with the smears (no thanks to Chad) even though the only game in town was the shitty Astros.  There is so much to write about now, but alas the complexities of life doesn’t leave room for a sole obsession on the Houston sports scene.  For example, The Random Baby is climbing (CLIMBING! Go watch my hastily made youtube videos of her doing stuff put to sentimental music – they’re like Baby One Tree Hill) on her bouncy chair – she is fixing to fall over every 5 seconds.  But the sports world marches on, and your interest in reading this is waning, so let’s stop our bitchin’ and get to it.

The Rockets. Happy start to the season, but so many things up in the air.  For full disclosure, I should say that I fall asleep before halftime of every game and then I wake up at 1 am and try to figure out what happened.  But the lack of accurate information has never stopped me from opining before, and it sure isn’t now. Here is what we know and don’t know so far.

Playahs:

Aaron Brooks. Playing really well, and he is just what the doctor ordered – good shot, quick as lightning, gets into the paint at will, and is a willing passer and decent team player.  But not a point guard. He does a good job masquerading as one, but he doesn’t have the instincts of a real PG. You can see this especially when he gets into the paint – real PGs see a progression of movements and counter-movements, like in chess.  If I go here, this guy’s man will pick me up, then my teammate will slide to the corner, then when I pass it to him, the guy at the top of the key will leave his man to close out on the shooter, then the shooter will swing the ball to the top of the key, where our 3rd option will have a wide open shot.  In this very common scenario, the PG doesn’t get the assist, he gets what is known as the “hockey assist” – the pass that leads to the pass that leads to the bucket.  So the “real PG” qualities don’t necessary show up in traditional statistics. Brooks is a fine player, and his numbers look fine because he is quick and skilled enough to make up for this natural deficit, but it is certainly there. So far, he has been great for us, and this is an observation, not a complaint. I do worry about him “Going Franchise” (overdribbling and trying to do too much) down the road, but he seems to be a good kid.

Kyle Lowry. Now that’s my type of point guard. Brooks and Lowry are perfect compliments to each other – Lowry is tough, quick, strong, and pass-first.  He’s like Eric Snow 3.0, although I hate to even put Eric Snow on Lowry.  Lowry could start for a lot of teams, and he should start for the Rockets when Yao comes back – that way we can bring AB off the bench for some Vinny “Microwave” Johnson action. We really do have the perfect PG situation, although you’d like one of the two to be a little taller. But he who is 5’9″ should not throw stones in a glass house.  “He” is me.  The glass house is…I don’t even know what I meant by that. Let’s move on.

Trevor Ariza. In season 4 of The Wire, Marlow and Chris are talking about the potential for a little corner kid named Michael. They were talking about how much upside he had in the drug business because he was smart and tough and self-reliant and they used a very interesting phrase. They said, “that puppy has big paws”.  That is a fantastic expression, and I feel it fits perfectly for Ariza. It intimates the potential for incredible growth, but also the clumsiness and growing pains the inevitably accompany a puppy. It might seem strange to bring this up when Ariza is lights out from 3 and playing tremendously overall, but at some point this season teams are going to focus their defensive principles on him, and he is going to look lost for several games.  He’ll grow into his paws. Future multi-year All Sta, and off to a great start.

Shane Battier. Teh Moneyballz. I still want him to do more offensively – he is just too comfortable with his role.

Luis Scola. The strangest player so far this season.  I assumed we’d run whenever we could and then run the half-court offense through Scola like the Divac/Webber Sacto teams that almost broke up the Lakers’ dynasty. So far, he hasn’t seemed to be the center point of the halfcourt offense, but he isn’t playing poorly.  I feel like the Rox don’t know who they are yet, and ultimately they’ll settle down and use Scola as a point forward more. We can’t win shooting so many jumpshots, can we? Please keep in mind that I have yet to stay awake past halftime this season.

Chuck Hayes. The following clip sums up my feelings for my road dog Chuck Hayes:

Rookies. Chase Buddinger?!? Great white hope, circa early Brent Barry.  The Coog in me wants to hate him. My mind is telling me no.  But my body. My body’s telling me yeeeessss!  David Andersen is going to be a good player in this league – he already has the offensive firepower and just needs to learn how the refs call fouls. They call some bullshit on him, but every rookie goes through that. He’s not very good on D, but he seems to try pretty hard, and that’s good enough for me. I already forgot about Jermaine Taylor, which is a good thing.Again, let me reiterate that I’ve watched 38% of the season, so this 1/3 ass analysis may be way off. I feel pretty good about understanding what is going on in the 1st quarter, that’s for damn sure. If you aren’t excited about the Rockets (and I still think they’re a .500 team), then you don’t have a pulse. Those puppies have big paws. Until next week…

Song I actually actually listened to while writing this: the sweet melodies of TRB’s Singing Cookie Jar Toy.  If you want some cookies, here they are.  5 different shapes in my cookie jar!  You can take them out, you can put them back.  5 little cookies makes a yummy snack!  I literally wake up singing that song. Parenthood.  FT something.  Both “W” and “L”.

Next Week: Babies Punching Hilary Clinton, Steve Smith’s evolution on NBATV (the basketball Steve Smith, also known as Smitty, but not the Smitty that Jeff Van Gundy refers to – that is J.R. Smith), How to make your charitable donation actually count, Moustache update, Jessica Alba.

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