Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
Just go deep, they can't cover us for shit!
Normally, a victory of the Bungles would be nothing worth noting. A foregone conclusion when the schedule comes out each year. And so it seemed in the off-season. But somehow, someway, the Bengals managed to jump out to a 4-1 start. They led the AFC North going into the game (still do thanks to a tie break over the Steelers), and looked damn good for a team of criminals nobodies.
The Texans managed to run for more than one yard this week (87 total!) and picked up a solid win against a good team. Schaub went crazy again, with a 70% completion rate, 392 yards and 4 TD’s. Owen Daniels regained some of his prior season form catching 2 of those TD’s. Slaton had 102 receiving yards and a TD.
Have we noticed a trend yet? The Texans can PASS. They can pass exceedingly well, in fact. Why oh why must we try to run the ball 30 times a game? It’s not working, and won’t work with the current personnel. The screen passes and little dumps to Slaton are as effective as any running game, and we’re doing them well. So why try to be something you’re not? We’re not Denver, with a platoon of backs than can one cut and go. We’re the Texans, with a patchwork O-Line (actually playing well), and midget Steve Slaton with no backup. To quote Coach Kilmer: Stick to the basics! And for us, they basics are wide receiver screens to Slaton and hoisting the ball to Andre Johnson wherever he is on the field.
The defense had another strong outing. Any time you can hold a good offense, with a resurgent Cedric Benson and Carson Palmer, to 17 points, you’re in with a shot. They forced and recovered 2 fumbles, had a pick and 1 sack. Cushing is making a serious charge at the Defensive Rookie of the Year Award. He had 6 tackles, 3 assists, the interception and 4 passes defended. He plays with a fire that the Texans haven’t had beside DeMeco Ryans.
But the defense still isn’t getting any pressure. They had one hit on Palmer: the sack. How does that even count as a hit? Isn’t it a given that a sack is a QB hit? When will fantasy football sites start allowing points for hits on the QB? Will I ever stop writing questions? Why should I? Does Rex think McNabb should be punched in the bruised ribs repeatedly after their loss? When will Kevin Kolb kill McNabb make his plea for a trade because Andy Reid won’t play him more but will put The Dog Whisperer in for a few plays as a distraction that no defense is scared of? Speaking of UH players in the NFL…
Bonus UH Players in the NFL Update!!!!
Solid week for the Coogs. Stellar win over Tulane, up to #17 in the rankings, with the same in the BCS, and some good action in the bigs. Donnie Avery caught another TD in the Rams loss to the Jaguars (2 on the year), Stanford Routt defended the 4th down pass against the Eagles that sealed the Raiders victory, and had a pick-six called back for pass-interference (almost counted!), and the big German Vollmer had a fantastic game against the Titans starting at left tackle and smothering Kyle Vanden-Douche all damn day in the Patriots rapage of the Titans. Man it was a pleasure to watch them get fisted in those throwback uniforms. Fuck you, Bud Adams. Apparently that’s what you have to say when talking about the Titans. I know nothing of his deeds being a dirty foreigner.
- Wanks MacGruber
Image from here
UPDATE: 
That is all.
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And on Sportscenter, you can see the back of Vollmer’s jersey after Brady throws his 6th touchdown pass. Big week, indeed.
Vollmer got specific praise from the announcers as they replayed Mulroney’s first touchdown run when Sebass pulled to the right to open up the hole. (that’s what she said)
I could go without the Texans references…and just slob the UofH knob.
I would like to go on record officially, on this fine site, and say that if we played a$m right now we would hang a 1 with 2 zeroes after it on them…at douchey Kyle Field, or at the Rob or in the parking lot of Super Wally-mart!
What do the aggies say every year….wait till next year?!?!?!
Laughing at their fans saying that Sumlin is going to be their next coach. Only the Aggs would be dumb enough to think 1) they can somehow afford to pay 3 coaches at once, since they still owe Franchione and Sherman money, and 2) any black coach with options would want to a)live in college station, or b) try to recruit players to play for a school with a 3% black student population. When saying that Sumlin will not leave UH for a payday from a bottom feeder BCS school, it should probably also be stated that he won’t leave for any middle of nowhere white trash schools either. Ding Ding.
And, Brian Cushing is already the best player the Texans have ever had. Andre Johnson is the only other player the could even enter the argument. I am thoroughly enjoying watching Duntae Robinson plow his stock straight into the ground. Let him hit the market next year and see what a wake up call looks like.
Why is Cushing better than Andre? Andre can take over a game better than Cushing right now. That’s not to say that Cush won’t be there in a year or 2 in the form of a white Ray Lewis.
You know what would have put this post over the top, the picture of the cat in a suit. Thats all I have to say about that.
I am nothing if not a man of the people…..
Cat in the mutha-fukin hat!!