October 12 Houston Sports FaF Smear

Just call Chris Brown “the little partner“…

The Texans are ridiculous.  Two yards away from 4-1, but here we sit at 2-3, about to go 2-4 with the inimitable Bengals coming to town.  The Chris Brown FAIL worked out precisely like Haley Joel Osment in this Walker video – everything is going along just fine, and then BOOM!  And then all that is left is the keyboard cat to play it off.  Everyone wants to blame Coach Kubiak or Rik Smits Rick Smith or Matt “Stump The” Schaub or Little Partner Chris Brown.  I say blame Jamey Rootes. Who is Jamey Rootes, you may ask. A porn star? The frontman for an emo band? No, he’s the president of the Texans.  What the hell is he doing partying before a game? I know he doesn’t have to play, but it is still horsecrap. He should have a curfew and be eating team meals like a team player. Instead he is having $86,000 gold toilets put in his office and getting crunk at charity galas. At least your #23 Houston Cougars took care of bidness. And we’re about to find out “who does #2 work for?” when Mack “I Drop Bows Like Dusty” Rhoades makes Darren Dunn his Associate Athletic Director.  This will help tremendously when Mack leaves us for a Big 12 school.

On to your local Houston Sports Updates…

TEXANS: Seriously, WTF Texans? And OMG. A few things. First, Andre Johnson is a man. I’m not sure if he is 40, but he is certainly a man. Second, those halftime adjustments were the bomb – is there any way we can just make halftime adjustments before the game starts? Third, either leave Slaton in the damn game or go 5-wide. Or just line Andre Johnson up behind the fullback. He’s a man. Fourth, I love me some Vontae Leach. Instead of running out of bounds, he’ll turn back in bounds specifically to deliver some pain. He also is a man. Fifth, thank God Dunta Robinson didn’t take our $23MM offer. I’d offer him the veteran’s minimum plus a piece of poop on a platter. He is gawful. Sixth, how could Antonio Smith not have a monster revenge game against the Cards? One tackle? He was supposed to have 8 tackles, 2 sacks, and a safety, and then we’d talk about how he can only do it when motivated to play a former team. Now he isn’t even that guy.

ASTROS:  Interviewing something called “Tim Bogar” for manager. This is going to lead to a season’s worth of sophomoric “don’t Bogar the bullpen, Tim” jokes.

COOGS: Beat Mississippi Jr. 31-24. Great bounce-back game. Someone should have a full recap, so I won’t thunder-steal, but needless to say Big Hitter is the most beloved commenter on the game recap.

 DYNAMO: Beat Monterrey 2-1 on Sunday in an exhibition. Soccer is so strange – how are they having exhibitions? Something about charity. Here is some charity, Dynamo – I wrote about you. This better be tax-deductible.

This is a terrible, halfass smear plus it is late. Sorry.

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