Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
Better hella late than hella never.
You might have missed the Random Goldfish Madden 2010 review yesterday. It was the meat of a “content sandwich”, nestled between the honey oat-flavored bread of yesterday’s smear and the triumphant return of the FAFU. You were probably so overwhelmed with content (triple the daily nutritional recommendation) that you missed Madden, which we spent a bit of time crafting for your enjoyment. Goldfish passed out from exhaustion. So be a pal and go back and read it. Scroll down or click here.
As you can see above, we weren’t kidding about boycotting Snickers in defiance of their pun-tastic in-game advertising. And it isn’t like abstaining from Snickers is easy – it is the most delicious candy bar ever made. So our protest is akin to buddhist monks lighting themselves on fire – a protest with signs would be easier, but we have to do something dramatic to respond proportionally to this egregious affront. Yes, abstaining from Snickers is exactly the same as lighting one’s self on fire.
In any case, I didn’t not do the smear until now because I’m upset about you not reading Madden – I ain’t mad at cha - just didn’t have time to do it last night and today at work I had to, you know, work. Consider these lapses as the blog equivalent of a stay-cation: come the start of real football season, we’ll be on our A-game all the time. Or the band will break up over coke, whores, and one song that hits #51 on Billboard. At least when the dust settles, I’ll be jamming out in studio with Miles Davis.
On to your local Houston Sports Updates…
ASTROS: Lost 3-2 to the Cards. Oswalt called the team “dead”, and this morning Berkman called a players-only meeting to vote Coop out of the co-op (say that 5-times fast). Get your own package, Coop. See – we waited to do the smear until now to bring you breaking news. That’s what happened. By the way, the ‘Stros are pretty desparate to sell tickets – check out this promotion. If you upgrade to the $20 seats, Milo Hamilton will give you a lap dance. It’s a buyers’ market.
TEXANS: Brett! Sage! And no one else of consequence. Seriously, the Vikings have the best running back in football, the highest-paid defensive player, and the most endowed tight end in the history of football. And all we care about are turnover-prone quarterbacks (on a run-first team).
ROCKETS: Former Rocket and UT star Albert Burditt was arrested because he owes almost $200,000 in child support. That’s the University of Texas for you – making young men into role models (for mandatory minimums in sentencing laws). God, I hate UT. Also, some guy tries to go Moneyball on the case for Ron-Ron over Battier. Have you not heard the Artest underpants stories? Put that in your statistical pipe and smoke it.
COOGS: It’s volleyball time! I told you recently that college soccer was a good place to pick up chicks. Volleyball is like that, but only if you’re over 6’2″ and like Amazonian women (who in turn might like other Amazonian women, not that there is anything wrong with that).
Pic from here.
9 Comments
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Come on man, I actually read that entire Madden review…and for what? Instead of getting my jollies from the daily fafsmear I had to fight with Steve Campbell until he posted a new blog.
No, no, Chad! Those two things were unrelated! I didn’t mean to leave you hanging, Chad. Get it?
Besides, if we’re drawing up a list of FaF derelicts, I would be second from the bottom. Why don’t you send Moose Knuckle some hate mail?
haha…no, no…I reserve my hate mail for people picking ECU to win CUSA this year. Moose Knuckle has the Coogs winning, right?
Chad, did SC put you in timeout or something?
Nah…he’s posted everything I’ve written…except for the time I called him a hose job. I really don’t have a problem with Steve personally…I just wish his opinion of the UH program was a little higher. His coverage of the Coogs is great and I’ve said that many times, but too often it seems like he offers up such great stories in hopes that his bosses will take notice and move him to a respectable team he’d actually enjoy writing about. I know I get overly passionate about the Coogs (but if I don’t who will?), and I flamed/trolled his blog. But after we sold more season tickets than we have all decade and he said that 6,000 wasn’t anything to get excited about, he picked ECU to beat us for the conference (when the majority of other media outlets have us), and then called the alums complainers, I’d pretty much had enough. I’ve been going to the Rob for 10 years now…I’ve been there…I know how much of an improvement 6,000 season tickets is. When the Media has us to win CUSA, but the guy closest to the team picks somebody else, that makes us look bad. That’s all.
He’s a journalist (and a damn good one at that) so he has some sort of duty to remain unbiased. I’m sure he’d love to cover a top-25 team that packs the Rob every week.
I personally don’t think he’s too far away from that.
Me either. Now, if I could just find the location to the super-secret FaF tailgate, then I’d be set.
We’ll let you know when we figure it out, homey. Unfortunately, El Rat is the co-coordinator, so expect bottle service and a persian dress code (armani exchange and creased dark jeans).