August 20th Houston Sports FaF Smear

Nobody gonna love me better, I’mma stickwitu forever. Nobody gonna take me higher, I’mma stickwitu. You know how to appreciate me, I’mma stickwitu my baby. Nobody ever make me feel this way, I’mma stickwitu.

My heterosexual life partner, LDT.

Let me first say that I put the Pussycat Dolls song “on blast”, as the kids say, mostly to irk Septimus Rex, but a little because I really do like the song. If that makes me less of a man, then so does Wanks MacGreuber wearing lipstick, listening to The Clash, and having a list of people he is going to kill.

They say no one cares about your fantasy football team, and if they pretend to, they are just being polite and waiting to talk about theirs.  That is both funny and true. Nevertheless, blogs are a venue built on egocentricity, so let me tell you about my fantasy football team. Actually, just one player – Mr. Ladainian Tomlinson.  He’s been my guy for 4 years now, and I’m stickingwithim.  I picked him up in both leagues (one draft, the other keeper), passing over younger and possibly more talented players. I do think he will have a bit of a renaissance, but really this is about principle and I would have done it anyway. There is something to be said for relationships and trust and heterosexual man-love and appreciation. If you don’t agree, then you are probably going to leave your wife or girlfriend for a younger model because you are a scumbag. If you jumped off the LDT train after riding it to glory for so many years, shame on you. There is no middle ground, no grey area here. You’re either faithful or you’re the scum of the earth. On a related note, Rex kept to his word and drafted Kevin Kolb again, even though the Koblatron was rated as the third worst player in Yahoo’s scoring system (right behind Matt Leinart, interestingly enough). To the rest of you mercenary scumbags out there, LDT and I hope you are alone on your deathbed, wondering what happened to your life.

On to your local Houston sports updates:

ASTROS: Beat the Marlins 6-3. Let me add my not-clever pun – The Bourn Dominatrix was, well, dominant. 3 hits, a few fantastic catches, a few stolen bases, a triple. Plus he jumped through a very small window chasing after the killer of his girlfriend. But it really doesn’t matter because the clubhouse is revolting against Coop and it is only a matter of time before they have a sit-down and vote him out. Call it a crisis of leadership (1:00 – 2:15)

TEXANS: Video on the D-Line, which should get any true fooseball fan excited. Plus the video has Coach Kubiak sounding like Jeff Van Gizzile, “well, I just think we are playing terrible, and we probably don’t have a chance to be very good, and our players just don’t want it very much, and we need some good church prayer just to get through the season.” What? Did you see Mario crush Jammal Brown to get to the little white quarterback?

ROCKETS: Chase Budinger has a multi-year contract. Now we have several Great White Hopes.  It is just like the Bryce Drew – Matt Maloney days.

COOGS: Women’s soccer preview. El Rat and some of the guys had this great idea in college – why not become groupies for the Cooga Socca team? It sounded ridiculous until you realized that soccer girls are cute, tickets were free, and the only other men there were parents. In economics, that’s called a “low entry barrier“, if you catch my drift.

Pic from here.