August 10 Houston Sports FaF Smear (and UFC 101)

Return of the mack…

Hip Hop Hooray! Ho! Heeeey! Hoooo!

Saturday night’s UFC 101: The Day After Pill was important for two reasons. First, it was the first show since UFC 100, which was the most hyped PPV in the history of the sport. It was even pimped significantly by ESPN, which was great because watching the Sportscentre guys reading off of cue cards when they obviously don’t know what this “Ultimo Fighting” stuff is demonstrates how ESPN is starting down the long road of decline that killed the Roman empire. Crumbling from within because of arrogance, complacency, corruption, and pedophilia. Am I talking about the Romans or ESPN? Yes. And remember – the Roman empire didn’t fall – it declined. Say it fell and some history teacher will fail your ass. The second important thing is it was the second time since The Random Baby was born that The Random Baby Momma let me go out. And by “out”, I mean “to Goldfish’s house for 3.4 hours”. There wasn’t any legendary galavanting around town. The other time she let me out was to see Star Trek and then come straight home. Neither of which are what one might consider blowing off some steam. I’m just sayin, The Random Baby Momma, it’s not like I went all Josh Hamilton and licked whip cream off of hos at a bar. Let the dog off his leash a little more.

Back to the point – the UFC had quite a predicament finding an encore that would be suitable to hold the interest of semi-casual fans who just jumped on the MMA bandwagon but could just as easily jump back off. It showcased two of its top 4 fighters, Andersen Silva and BJ Penn, but the two that haven’t been living up to their enormous potential as of late. Andersen Silva has been overtly playing out his contract with a lack of interest and is considering whether to start boxing professionally or just retire in style. BJ Penn is notorious for being a lazy, entitled Hawaiian, embodying a stereotype that he also inadvertently created. So the UFC put both guys in fights with two dogs, Forrest Griffin and Kenny Florian, known more for their hard work than natural skill sets. This was supposed to bring out the best in both champions (although the Silva-Griffin fight wasn’t a title fight), and it did. BJ Penn, who normally gasses in the second round, took over in round 4 with punches in bunches, a big slam, and a rear naked choke that looked like an ananconda tightening itself around its prey. Apparently his strength and conditioning work with Todd Marinovinch’s dad worked out well. Much better than it did for Todd Marinovinch.

Silva went one better than Penn and Roy Jones Jr’d Griffin with some Matrix-esque defense and quick, punishing strikes. The worst pwnage I’ve ever seen between two well respected fighters. Forrest was right to run away like he did (6:38). Any questions about Silva are now answered. Let’s just hope matchmaker Joe Silva (no relation) can find a few more fighters to bring out the best in The Spider before he gets too bored and leaves forever. Forget a catchweight superfight with GSP, that doesn’t work well when the fighters have a natural 30-lb weight difference (see GSP-Penn). Give him a Light Heavyweight title shot, and give it to him now. The Mack has returned.

Andohbytheway, if you are a gambler looking for a talisman, look no further than Goldfish. Or, actually, the antithesis of Goldfish. Every fighter he likes ends up losing in embarrassing fashion. First Amir Sadollah and then Forrest Griffin. So ask Goldfish who he likes for the upcoming NFL season and bet the opposite way. It will put your kids through college. I’ll even give you the same guarantee as the Elston Turner to coach the T’Wolves projection.  If it ain’t right, your money back. Our legal department wants me to clarify: the money you spent to gain access to this blog, not the actual money you spent gambling. That money isn’t coming back.

On to your local Houston sports updates…

ASTROS: Beat the Brewers 2-0. Wandy threw 7 scoreless innings, Geoff Blum hit a 2-run dong, and the ‘pen did the rest. ‘Sros are within 1 game of statistical mediocrity again. Wandy has gone 7 straight games with giving up one run or less. Not quite Hershisher-esque, but getting there…

TEXANS: See if this photo doesn’t get you fightin’ mad for the season:

 

I'm rich, bitches!

 

ROCKETS: Video interview with NBA All Ugly Captain David Andersen. Do NOT watch in high def.

COOGS: Fooseball team starts the second week of practice this week. 25 days to kickoff, and 12 days until Coach Sumlin gets a restraining order against Pipez…

DYNAMO: Beat the Chicago Fire last night 3-2. Here is a gamecap and here is a pretty robust overview. Sadly, my transistor radio didn’t pick up the broadcast. 

Pics from here and here.

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