August 7th Houston FaF Smear

Paid the piper for naughty naughties. Now I’m ready to kick start my life.

Surprisingly NOT a post about Michael Vick.

One glance at the picture and you start thinking of Michael Vick, jail-time, rape stands and awesome underground gambling. But, lo, you are wrong. This has nothing to do with any of the above. Though, I could work in a rape stand reference if you really want to see one.

This has to do with email. In fact, when google image searching “email fight” the picture above was the second choice. Is it fitting? No. Is it ironic? Not particularly. But, I think it’s hilarious. Mostly because I’m lazy and my own email was the funniest sports related thing of the past 24 hours. Screw it, it’s been the funniest thing that I’ve seen in a week [sic'd]:

From: Friend That Doesn’t Read FaF [herein - FTDRFaF]
To: Septimus Rex, Pipez, Reginald Blackstone, One Non-Reader, Donkey Show Coordinator

This is a very good, very lengthy, and very extensive write up on this year’s football team. There’s a few things that the author isn’t aware of as he writes it, (like the fact that Jackie Hinton was kicked off the team, and that Andre Kohn is out with a reportedlly season ending injury). Overall though, he has a lot of very good details and many positive things to say about the team and the upcoming season.

http://thequad.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/the-quad-countdown-no-30-houston/#more-10833

Hmmm… I seem to remember linking to the NYTimes just a couple days ago. I wonder why this link is getting sent back to me even though I’ve read it. So, being the snarktastic, basement-dweller, blogger that I am:

From: Septimus Rex
To: Reply All (mofo!)

If you read FourthandFifty.com you would have read about the NY Times write-up two days ago. [Read - August 4th]

I am just sayin’

Ha! I sure told him! There’s absolutely no way he could ever come back from that zinger! Uh-oh… My mailbox is blinking:

From: FTDRFaF
To: Reply All (damn)

That might be true, but why would I want to read about something someone else wrote secondhand? Why wouldn’t I just go to the N.Y. Times and read the original? I’m just sayin’…

Aww, come on now friend. That was absolutely unnecessary. AND, you’re just setting yourself up for more. I have a plethora of “secondhand handjob” jokes that I could spew forth. But, I go the classier, more vindictive route:

From: Septimus Rex
To: Reply All (my voice must be heard)

Wait…
Did you not offer up your thoughts on it? And then link to it? Just like I did on Mack Rhoades endorsed fourth and fifty?

Hello, pot. My name is kettle and I am blacker than santonio holmes.

Yeah, that’s right. I used the reverse-Socratic method on that shit. It’s quite impressive really. I learned it from a shitastic ex-girlfriend of mine. She would use the rSm on me right before she start hurling ceramic plates at me. Quite a fun time. But, what is this? More email blinkage?

From: FTDRFaF
To: Reply All (this man won’t be stopped)

The difference between what you & I did is simplistic. I sent a small e-mail out to several friends who share a mutual interest in UH sports with a link to an article pertaining to something written about UH by an ORIGINAL source. I did also include a few minute details about Kohn & Hinton, of which I doubt you or anyone on your “crack staff” was aware of.

What you did is talk about something else SOMEONE ELSE wrote on a WEBSITE (not a private e-mail) SEPARATE from the ACTUAL SOURCE WEBSITE.

Like I said, if I wanted to read about IT, I would most enjoy reading it from the SOURCE who wrote it. That is why I sent out the SOURCE link and didn’t feel the need to create a blog for hopeful public consumption of someone else’s thoghts re-hashed as if they were my own.

And, I’m fine with being compared to Santonio Holmes. He’s a Super Bowl MVP regardless of how black he is.

YES! I achieved the insulting trifecta!! CAPS LOCK, insulting of blogs AND insulting of blog writers!! Bob, tell him what he’s won… A NEW CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!! For the record I did know about Hinton and Kohn since you (FTHDRFaF) told me about the tripping in the weight room incident (or whatever), but that’s neither here nor there. No, it’s time to bring out the big guns. It’s time to use the line that was once used on me when I was acting like a drunken disaster on St. Patrick’s Day:

From: Septimus Rex
To: Reply All (can’t stop, won’t stop)

Next week, on a very special edition of Blossom:

FTDRFaF uses caps lock to get his point across
Septimus Rex tries to make a joke to ease the tension but it backfires
Blogs get made fun of again
Septimus Rex reaffirms that in his anecdote that he was the kettle and therefore Santonio Holmes and his blackness
And everyone realizes the true value of friendship

Phew, that was a close one. Crisis averted.

But seriously, it was a decent article in the NYTimes. So, if you have the time to read it you should. That’s the overall point of the beginning of this post (besides being self-indulgent and just plain old lazy).

On to the rest of your Houston Sports Updates:

ASTROS – With the post-ASG momentum of the Astros floundering, it’s time to start looking for other bright spots in the season. If that means focusing on who is throwing out the first pitch on gameday, then so be it. In this case, it’s going to be Mary Moreno, a leader with in the Military Moms and Wives of Brazoria County. She will be the “hometown hero” nominated by the Astros to throw the first pitch on Sunday. See? We can do feel-good pieces around here. Speakin of a piece that feels good… Ladies, come see me after the show.

DYNAMO – The domination of FC Dallas ended yesterday in a 1-0 loss to the club from Dirty D. The Dynamo gave up only their second loss ever (for-ev-er) to Dallas. After missing a penalty kick (PENAL! PENAL PENNNNNNAAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!), Jeff Cuningham redeemed himself with the game winner and only goal of the match seven minutes later. I’m going to hold back on the soccer coverage since we’re going to be blessed with anti-soccer sentiment when Pipez puts up his submission to 1560 the game later on today.

TEXANS – Dunta. You’re name rhymes with Cunta. Don’t your Wanta. To come to Campa. Will injuries to the secondary lure Dunta Robinson to camp? Only time will tell.

UNIVERSITY of HOUSTON – Pay no attention to the name at the top of the screen. The author of the piece matters not. It is the words, the blessings, the goodwill that matter most. At Least One Football Team in Town Is Supposed to be Good This Year: Hint, the author works for the Houston Press.

ROCKETS – Jermaine Taylor, Houston Rocket FOR LIFE!! (not really)

- Septimus Rex

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