Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
Back after popular demand (and by that I mean that our own writers wanted to see it and not any of our “adoring” public) The FaFU makes it’s triumphant return. Take a load off, sit back, relax, light up that Cuban cigar you have been saving… it’s worth it. Prepare to click the links and pretend to think I’m funny.
10) Michael Jackson – Too soon? I haven’t even said anything yet… No pedophilia jokes here. Check out this gallery of the King of Poop’s arcade collection. Is that a CRAZY TAXI GAME?! Shit, I would have let some creepy white-washed once black man play tether ball with my junk to get free access to that game. I’m not saying MJ did that, I’m just saying that my criteria would be rather low.
9) Twitter Followers – Stop creeping me out. I didn’t realize that Twitter was a porn den. Look, half of our followers are morose looking Asian women with Zooey Deschanel bangs. I guess the chick grabbing her boob slurping Thunderbird makes up for the vacant stare of the aforementioned, but still.
8) Sabbaticals – I’ve tried it out twice now with similar results. I quit work for three weeks (just for a second, just to see how it feels) and ended up lazy, uninspired and hungover (case and point) . I haven’t written the FaFU for three weeks and the only links that I picked up have been beastility related. Don’t worry, I’ll try to save you the surprise of those.
7) E-Mails From an Asshole – Soon enough we’re just going to open Fourth and Fifty as a user generated public forum. I’m pretty sure that’s going to be the only way to meet our daily two post quota anyway. It seems to be the new rage among the interwebs. Don’t Even Reply is the newest of which I’ve become aware (who knows where Wanks found it). Take a glance at the site and tell me it’s not more of a indictment of the submitter’s stupid rather than the “Asshole E-Mailer’s” awesomeness.
6) How can YOU slap, you bahstahd?! - This video is all the rage (original is here). How can she slap? How can you slap?! How can she, how can she, how can she slap, slap REEEEEEEEEMIXXXXXXX:
5) Braille – The subtlety of this coming link is both non-existent and truly genius. The Helen Keller Simulator is now here for your unhindered use. I’ll wait while you check it out… Yeah, that just happened. Now that you’re both amused and appalled, go back to the HKS and right click and choose “View Page Source.” You back yet? Yep, that was braille. My work here is done.
4) Fuck Hallmark – Kill whitey! The man is holding us down. Instead, check out this smattering of ultimately more relevant greeting, birthday and happy divorce cards on Mental_Floss. I believe someone owes me a “You Made a Fool of Yourself Last Night” card for my drunken disaster on Saturday night. You can send it to my home address at 1834 Where the Sun Don’t Shine Ave. Houston, TX 770FU6.
3) Politics – We are not politically affiliated ’round these parts. Honestly, I’m pretty sure none of us could give a fuck about politics, and that’s mostly because of the politicians. People always ruin the good things in life. Democracy is awesome until someone has to get involved in it. So, before we launch our new political party, FaFonian Liberty in Politics (the aptly acronymic FaF LIP), we want to take a stance on political blowhardiness. Can the Senate Judiciary Committee just give it a rest? I don’t want to hear about how badass you are and what a piece of shit the nominee has been and will be. I’ve had just about enough of this Sotomayor fellow as I can handle. WHAT?! SHE’S a CHICK?!! That is just unacceptable! Next thing you’re going to tell me is that we will one day have a black president.
2) Gerber – This is a little video that I had tucked away given to me by TRG. Look, I don’t have kids (/crosses fingers) so I don’t pretend to understand the entire Mommy/Daddy culture of raising a child. But, I’m pretty sure I’m insightful enough to recognize a ridiculous commercial. Gerber just sold negative 50 jars of pureed peas with this little nugget of TV gold.
1) Ron-Ron – We’ve remained relatively silent on this Ron Artest to LA signing. We’ve mentioned it a couple of times, but I do believe that Ron Artest deserves a hardy “Fuck You” at this point. I’m not a psychology expert, but I think I’m handling the trauma in exactly the opposite way then is supposed to be normal. I started off with “acceptance” and three weeks later I’ve regressed to “anger.” Fuck you, Ron. How dare you turn your back on Houston in a time of need? You tried to get us to sing Happy Birthday to your daughter after a playoff series win and some of us obliged and you have the audacity to jilt us at the Free Agent alter. You never posted twit pics to show Houston how ready you were for the challenge of the upcoming NBA season. I swear if you moved out to LA just to be able to get Robin Thicke in the studio with you I’m going to lose it. I might just have to stop following you and your bad spelling on Twitter.
- Septimus Rex
[Photoshop done by M. Lamb - kind of like M. Ward but less hipstery]
6 Comments
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I demand that you make HOW CAN SHE SLAP?!?!??! number 1. How Ron “Kobe-Golden-Shower” Artest is there is a travesty of immense proportions.
By “Photoshop done”, do you mean “picture of” M. Lamb?
And the best part about the return slap is he really puts his hips into it. That’s where the power comes from.
Somebody watched himself some Home Run Derby.
Negative – had the late shift at work. Just years of MMA. And by “of MMA”, I mean “watching MMA and practicing the moves on The Random Dog”.
“And the best part about the return slap is he really puts his hips into it. That’s where the power comes from.”
This was not a comment about the video, rather a comment about a late night romp with some 14 year old boy that The Random Wife is unaware of.
Man MJ had some classic games. Lookit, “X-Men 6-player”…and next to it is “Dropping Candy from the Van Door”.