July 3rd Houston Sports FaF Smear (and WTF)

I will talk you back from the edge. I will be your turn your tide. Be your sheperd and your guide.

Besty best friends!!

Let me explain how my brain works (or in this case “doesn’t work”) from a day to day stand point.  I met some friends up at Cedar Creek in the Heights, so the obvious disclaimer here is that liquid inebriants were involved.  Still, what follows is a bit of dumbassery.

I’m was barely paying attention to the Women’s Wimbledon Semi-Finals.  Elena Dementieva seemed to have complete control over Serena Williams.  Every time I looked up it seemed like Serena was hobbling up and down the baseline, beaten in spirit, will and on the scoreboard.  Even though they were trading games in the final set I assumed it obvious that Dementieva would be the eventual winner.  As they walked off the court it seemed that was the result.

Sometime during that scintillating match, right after Serena was done bouncing her boobies for ESPN after winning a point, a game-break occured announcing that Ron Artest had signed a three-year deal.  SWEET!  A three-year deal!  That means that he has some inside information and Yao Ming is going to be back, everything is going to be perfect and we’re all going to be one big happy family.

Well, guess what?  Serena Williams will be part of another all-Williams sister major final.  And, (more importantly) Ron Artest didn’t sign a three year deal with the Rockets… HE SIGNED WITH THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS!!  He announced it live on SportsCenter!  He didn’t Tweet about it, let his agent actually finalize the deal or allow the team to announce in a press conference.  He circumvented everything and showed up in Bristol with a “So Gutta” hat on to announce his move.  Ridiculous.

The overall question is “why?”  Why would you do this Ron-Ron?  Lakers, are you serious?  This move makes no sense for you.  Daryl Morey, what are you going to do about it?  Oh, you’re going to sign Trevor Ariza?  Ok, I guess I can live with that.

Sheesh… on to your other Houston sports updates:

ASTROS – BEES!!  THEY’RE RIPPING MY FLESH OFF!!! YOU’RE FIREARMS ARE USELESS AGAINST THEM!!!  Yes, bees were the big story for the Astros and Padres on Thursday. A swarm took over left field in the ninth inning with the ‘Stros up 6-1 over the Padres.  Almost an hour later play resumed to allow Houston to finish out the game, winning 7-2.

TEXANS – Mario Williams is just like you and me!  If Owen Daniels wants to get paid like a premier player from his position, he better start playing like a premier fantasy football pick.  That’s just how the world works.  Vegas runs sports… and in this case, Vegas means office fantasy football pools.

DYNAMO – The 4th of July will be celebrated in noted Independence hub, Kansas City by the Houston Dynamo.  They play the KC Wizards on Saturday at 8pm CST.  Here is your game preview.  The Dynamo look to start a new unbeaten streak against KC.  Absent because of CONCACAF Gold Cup duties will be Brian Ching, Stuart Holden and Canadian Andrew Hainault.

- Septimus Rex

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