Best Astros Team Ever

Wear it on your sleeve. Get it?

In honour of the Berkman HR milestone (Tejada and Pudge are rent-a-players and their milestones don’t count in the Astros annals), we got to thinking of what an Astros team made up of the best players at each position would look like. Each player at their apex. This is what we came up with, mostly to piss people off. To be clear – this isn’t a “who had the best career” team. This is an “at their peak, who was the best player at each position” team. Although someone will envitably put “omg nolan ryan had a btr career noob” in the comments section. To that person – you know who had an even better career than Nolan Ryan? This player. Here goes:

Starting Pitcher:

1986 Mike Scott. Cy Young Season, 18 wins, 2.22 ERA, 275 IP, 306 K, 0.923 WHIP. Voted NLCS MVP (won two games) even though the Astros lost to the Mets, which was the first time a player from a losing team won the award.

Scott in ’86 was thought to be absolutely unhittable. The Mets considered game 6 of the NLCS to be their elimination game, because there is no way they could have beat Scott in Game 7. Respect, son.

Unfortunately, rumor is Scott didn’t take care of his body or arm the way that (for example) Nolan Ryan did, and he faded pretty fast. This shouldn’t matter when looking at a player at the top of his game, but I think the fade has caused the current generation to either a) undervalue his career or b) think he is Michael Scott. He’s not. He did rock some  saucy hair back in the day, which is pretty awesome.

Catcher:

1991 Craig Biggio. Perhaps this is a bit cheap, but Biggio played both catcher and second base in 1991, and this way we can get a better “second second baseman” on the team than take the best “second catcher” available. Plus we found a picture of him in catcher’s gear (see left), which is more evidence than we usually compile.

Biggio was the first player in MLB history to be an All Star at both second and catcher. Anyway, in 1991 he played some catcher and hit .295 with 79 runs. Not his best year, but his best year when he played catcher, which opens the door for another second baseman.

For a lot of younger (30 or under) Astros fans, Biggio is probably the player they most identify with the Astros. Many people make the argument that Biggio is the Greatest Astro Ever, and if you consider the entire body of work, it makes a lot of sense. If you look at “best one season”, then another Killer B comes to mind…

First Base:

1994 Jeff Bagwell. MVP of the strike-shortened season. .368 Batting Average, .750 Slugging, 1.2 OPS, and over 100 RBIs and Runs each in only 110 games. An absolute monster that season, as well as many others. Maybe the only Astros position player to strike fear in the hearts of opposing pitchers. Not that the ‘Stros haven’t had good players, but I’m not sure who else would be considered “fear-inducing”. Bags actually benefited by the ’94 strike because he broke his hand right before the strike began. His MVP season also happened during a very unique streak – he broke his left hand in 3 consecutive years (’93, ’94, ’95), to set a franchise record.*

*Unconfirmed as a record, although I’m sure it is true. The old record was held by “Brittile” Al Montgomery, who broke his arm in ’45, ’46, and ’52.** Poor Brittle Al couldn’t put together breaks in consecutive years, though. He couldn’t catch a break. Get it?

**I just totally made that up, but I hope at least one person went to the google before reading this. I’m sure someone (Pipez?) will throw a hissy fit in the comments section below.

 

Second Base:

1966 Joe Morgan. All Star, hit .285 with .410 on base percentage in his second season. His best seasons came with the Reds, of course, but that ain’t Astros baseball, you know what I’m sayin? He was traded from the Astros because (in part) manager Harry Walker thought he was a troublemaker. On a related note, Harry Walker is not on our short list for best ever Astros manager.

Although the only thing kids know about Joe Morgan these days is his crazy defense of old-school baseball, as a player he is a Hall of Famer, multiple MVP-er, and great all-around player. Bill James says he is the best second baseman of all-time.

I found color pictures, but the black-and-white just looks too old school not to use.

Short Stop:

1983 Dickie Thon. Before we get into his stats, let me just say that googling “Dickie Thon” at work is the worst idea ever. OMG. .286 batting average, 57 extra base hits, 81 runs/79 RBIs, All Star, 7th in MVP voting.

Besides his offensive statistical worthiness (a relative term, relative to Adam Everett), he rocked one awesome mustache and filled out the best jerseys ever quite well. Did you know that there is a Dicky Thon fan club? It has two posts and everything.

If Fourth and Fifty existed during the Dickie Thon area, you could expect to put up with “headlines” like “Astros win thanks to Thon Th-Th-Th THON!” Every day. In fact, I’m pretty sure we’d call the blog “Dickie’s Thon”. Don’t steal that – when Rex fires me (next week?) I’m starting a blog under that name.

And don’t be the guy who buys that domain name just to extort some money from me. You’re not Rayner Noble, are you?

 

Third Base:

1970 Doug Rader. You might think it it crazy to not have Ken Caminiti here, but check the stats, bro! Cammy’s best seasons came with the Padres. In 1970, Rader won his first of five consecutive Gold Gloves, scored 90 runs, and knocked in 87 RBIs. Perhaps not the best stat line of all-time, but it will do. When he won the Gold Glove in 1970, he was the first Astro to ever do so.

Rader was nicknamed The Red Rooster, as you can see from the Fleer card to your left, which is merit enough to put him on this list. He also has the look and feel of a man who doesn’t shy away from a bar fight. Astroland.net has an overview of his career in pretty sweet font.

You know who else is nicknamed the Red Rooster? JIMMY!

Outfield:

1983 Jose Cruz. 189 hits, .318 batting average, sixth in MVP voting, 85 runs/92 RBIs. Some old-schoolers still think of Cruz as the quintessential Astro (I think Biggio, but then again in 1983 I probably should have had a better appreciation for Jose Cruz – I guess I was an uppity little four year old). Cruz’s nickname was Cheo, which I think and hope means something revolutionary, like “the voice of the people is the voice of God”. It is possible and probable that Cheo doesn’t mean anything, but let me have my socialist fun. Che(0) was the most popular Puerto Rican player not named Roberto Clemente. In recent years, they were both passed in notoriety by The Little Unit, Danny Almonte. That has to go down as the worst nickname in the history of nicknames. I hope you notice our trend of phallic/homoerotic nicknames. I’m not cussing these days, so I need some sort of a blog vice.

Joe Morgan said he was one of the best baseball players he’d ever seen. Don’t hold this against Cheo. Cheo had totally awesome hair and probably did very well with the ladies, as you can tell from this picture. Here is a short article for all you kids who only know the son. The father was better. Much better.

1972 Cesar Cedeno. 179 hits, .330 batting average, .921 OPS, All Star, sixth in MVP voting, Gold Glove, 103 runs, 82 RBIs, 55 stolen bases. “The next Willie Mays” started off his career with a bang but then forgot to save the drama for his mamma. Here is an interesting and brief version of his perils. It involves 19 year old mistresses and guns and more mistresses and cars and abuse and other stuff. Holy crap! If this happened today Outside the Lines would be called Outside of Cesar Cedeno’s House. Rachel Nichols and Legal Analyst Roger Cossak would camp out on Cedeno’s front porch and report daily to a concerned-looking Stu Scott.

In any case, several of the greatest seasons of any Astro, ever. During some of the greatest Astros uniform seasons, ever. Fantastic combination. One of the first “five tool” players. As opposed to the “two tool” writers at FaF, our tools being smarm and pop culture references.

2001 Lance Berkman / 2006 Bam Margera. 191 hits, 55 doubles (?!?!), 34 HRs, 126 RBIs, 110 runs, .331 batting average, 1.05 OPS, Al Star, 5th in MVP voting behind a bunch of roiders. And the most important stat – 485 face slaps of his father Phil on national television.

Berkman gets extra points for being gregarious and having an “everyman” quality. I don’t know why we care if athletes are down-to-earth, but we do.

I’m sure some people may argue for The Toy Cannon Jimmy Winn. Who would you take off the list, internet gangtsa?

Middle/Late Reliever:

2002 Octavio Dotel. Dominant. 97 IP, 118K to 27 BB, 20 earned runs the entire season, 1.85 ERA, 0.873 WHIP.

Dotel lead all relievers in strikeouts that season. It makes me remember how dominant our bullpen was – in 2003, we had Dotel, Lidge, and Wagner. Holy crap that was dominant. He might get my vote for most underrated Astro ever.

What was the deal with the ‘Stros pumping out incredible relievers one after another? Did we deplete our farm system because the Karma police made us take a breather after the D, L, W combo?

Closer:

1999 Billy Wagner. All Star, 4th in Cy Young voting, 39 saves, 74 innings, 13 earned runs, 124 strikeouts to 23 walks, only gave up 13 earned runs the entire season. 1.57 ERA, 0.777 WHIP. His strikeout per 9 inning ratio was the highest of all time for pitchers with more than 50 innings. As we know from Moneyball, strikeouts are better than not strikeouts. Most importantly, he was the Rolaids Relief Man of the Year. You know who isn’t Rolaids Relief Man of the Year? Whomever made those 99 cent tacos at Jack n’ the Box. Stick with 2 tacos and you’re ok. 4 is borderline. Don’t ever go above 5 – trust me on this.

Did you know that Wagner was originally a righty but switched to lefty as a youth because he kept breaking his right arm? Man’s game, son.

Manager:

1972 Salty Parker. Undefeated in ’72. Check the stats, bro. Annualize that and the Astros are 162-0. PWND.

Pictures from here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here,and here.

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