Look at this All-American guy (or All Al Quaeda, if you hate Duke and/or the Jazz). Apparently supergenuis Daryl Morey is interested in Carlos Boozer. We know someone who knows someone who knows someone. I’m not even joking or making this up. This is the first time we’ve broken a rumor, and it is legitimate enough to break and stand behind. As a rumor. But a real rumor. Would you encourage Dork Elvis to pursue this guy? Let’s do pro/con and then take a vote.
Pros: Gold Medal Olympian. A 20-10 guy if you don’t count this injury-shortened season. PER always in the 20s. Plays like a man – destroyed Yao a few playoffs ago (don’t kill me clutchfans, but that was very impressive even if it was almost unbearable to watch). Nice lefty inside-outside game that in theory would compliment Yao very well. Good team player in the right environment?
Cons: Played for Duke AND the Jazz! How is that even possible? Does he play for Satan’s Rucker team every summer? Screwed over a blind guy. Doesn’t try to hide his chest hair. Gets hurt almost every other year (which means he’d fit right in). Probably wants to get paid a shit ton of money again, even though we’re in a recession.
On to your local Houston Sports Updates…
Astros: Damn you, Astros. Stop trying to get my hopes up. Stop making me think that I’m going to have to support a winning team this summer. I’ve been completely intent being under the assumption that I was going to make fun of you for four months. Houston has put together four straight wins with their 6-4 victory over the Rockies. Pence had three RBI to lead the way and Miggy continues his hit streak with a single in the first to make it 17 games in a row.
Rockets: Let’s do a fake trade for Boozer and then analyze it. The Jazz are going to want Scola or Landry back. Probably Scola as he is more polished and made a name for himself in the playoffs. Plus Landry might be redundant with Paul Milsap’s skill set. We also probably need to give up Brooks or Lowry. I am actually a bigger fan of Lowry, and you know this man! And maybe they want McGrady’s almost-expiring contract. So here is the trade:
Brooks, McGrady, and Scola for Boozer and Kirilinko. ESPN’s trade machine likes it.
The Jazz get rid of 2 malcontents and subtract a year of Kirilinko’s contract by swapping it with McGrady’s. They also get their backup point guard for the next 10 years. And Deron Williams is big enough to play some 2, so they could probably play together in the backcourt. They could use Scola at both the 4 and the 5.
The Rockets get their #2 scorer for the next 5 years and a 20-10 machine. Plus if Kirilinko can snap out of his on-again, off-again funk, he does a lot of things very well. Some players do, with a change of scenery. If we re-sign Artest and sign another backup point guard, then we’re looking at a starting lineup of Mike Kyle Lowry, Ron Ron, Battier, Boozer, and Yao. Off the bench we have Landry, Kirilinko, Von Wizzile, Chuck Wagon, and backup Moneyball-esque PG. We get more athletic and our D gets better. Go for it, Dizzile Mizzile!
Texans: The Europeanification of America continues (go back to your Motherland, Wanks). The Texans are considering selling advertising space on their practice jerseys this season. That’s terrific. First it was the WNBA that ventured so far as to sell out (do you blame them?). Now the Texans. There’s only one good that can come of this: Who’s willing to pony up the money to buy space for Fourth and Fifty? I’m partial to “Fourth and Fifty: We Go Ballz Deep Into Sporting News.“
University of Houston: Friends don’t keep secrets and secrets don’t keep friends. The University of Houston is under radio silence right now in regards to their search for a new Athletic Director. We already know all the inside scoop, though. You can read about it here. I hear that Mr. Manhattan is at the top of the list.
- THE Random Guy
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