Tracy McGrady Is Made of Ice

This is Tracy McGrady

As I sit here watching the new season of Ice Road Truckers, which is awesome because some country bumpkins get to pretend to be celebrities while driving trucks, while also perusing the Chronicle’s website, I make the connection between the frozen rivers these guys drive on, and the fact the Tracy McGrady can’t play a full season.

Both items (the river and Tracy’s body) start out the season at their optimum capacity. The River is frozen solid, about 3 feet thick, ready to get pounded by massive trucks carrying 15 ton loads day and night for 12 weeks. T-Mac has always come into the season relaxed, refreshed and rarin’ to go, to take on the NBA in his quest to win an NBA title.

But as time passes, both of these items inevitably crumble. The River succumbs to the global warming conspiracy and melts away until it reverts entirely back to its liquid form. And T-Mac will, as always, begin complaining about a chronic injury of some kind, which will generally cut his season short, or be the reason for his weak play in the final stretch/playoffs.

This year, T-Mac got microfracture knee surgery, tastefully announcing this just before the trade deadline, and without consulting the team doctor for a 2nd opinion. Then, while rehabbing, and making bullshit “I just want these guys to win the playoff series!” posts on his blog, he goes and gets a shoulder surgery out of the blue.

It’s supposedly a simple surgery to correct some nagging problems, clean things up, etc. I don’t buy it. Tracy is damaged goods. The Rockets are probably making him patch everything up now so that he’s a much better product to hopefully ship off to some other sucker team he thinks he can make a final run at a total. At least, that’s what they should be doing. The question will be, is anyone willing to take a $23 million salary for a guy who has never proven to be a winner, and in the last 5 years, hasn’t been able to stay healthy.

Fourth and Fifty, being the thorough, fair investigative journalists that we are, have secured an interview with The Fragile One to discuss these and many other issues. The Random Guy has been coming up with various questions while changing diapers and oiling himself up before watching his P90XKL7000 Power Max workout video. Try not to wet yourselves in anticipation, it will be posted later this week.

- Wanks MacGruber

Image from here.

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