June 1st Houston Sports FaF Smear (and NBA Skin)

The one where Never Underestimate the Nipple of a Champion…

Touch my tummy!

You might remember back in the day that Stevie Franchise would celebrate his myriad achievements in two ways. For years, he’d lift up his jersey to ostensibly make the “Rockets” name easier to read, but what it really did was force you to look at his belly. Then later in his career, he switched to pulling his jersey to the side to show that he had “heart”, but all it did was show you his nipple. This lead to all sorts of awesome sports-related slogans, including:

• Got Nipple?
• Never Underestimate the Nipple of a Champion
• It’s not whether your nipple gets knocked down, it’s whether it gets back up
• It is not the size of the man, but the size of his nipple that counts
• Impossible is nothing (titties!!!!!!110101)

I can’t find a damn Franchise Nipple picture on the interwebs or the youtubes, so the tummy will have to do. What is the point? It’s the NBA Finals! Time to find out who has nipples and who doesn’t. It is Kobe’s battle-tested and severely chafed nipples against Dwight Howard’s pubescent, earnest nips. Unfortunately, in recent years this “pull the shirt to show your heart” trend has become watered-down as most players wear their little tight shirts underneath their jerseys. Next year, I want to see a throwback game where Ron Artest pulls his 1994 Matt Maloney jersey to the side to show some fantastically hairy doorknobs. One more thing about memories past – if we were a blog in the late 90s don’t think this wouldn’t be the subject of every post:

My endless love...

On to your local Houston Sports Updates:

Astros: Beat the unfortunately-named (at least these days) Pirates 2-1. The top of our lineup is hitting quite well, if you’re looking for silver lining. And if we won our next 8 games we’d be at .500.

Texans: An interview we didn’t do with Antonio Smith. Is anyone else skeptical? Nothing against the guy who made a name for himself in one game (and of course I understand that a lineman can’t be judged on stats alone), but this is a game we’ve been playing since Jason Babin. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times and I might start to not give much of a shit. Diminishing returns.

Rockets: Kyle Lowry shooting an Adidas commercial with some white soocer player. Good for K-Low getting a commercial, even if it is just for youtube (I just made that last part up). For some reason, I haven’t respected Adidas since the 90s when I constantly rolled my ankles in their shoes and was also subjected to a number of Antoine Walker commercials. For some reason.

We also scored an exclusive interview with Tracy McGrady, which will be posted on Wednesday. That’s what we in the biz call a teaser. Not to be confused with a cock tease, which Pipez totally iz.

First picture from here.  Second picture from here.