The Astros are the Fredo Corleone of Houston Professional Sports

I’ve come to realize, due to my extensive knowledge of baseball history, that the Astros are the bastard child of Houston Sports. They are, in essence, they are the sports equivalent of Fredo Corleone.

Fredo was a sweet, simple man, who never lived up to the expectations of the biggest bad-ass father ever.  He didn;t have the cunning of Tom Hayden, nor the street smarts of Sonny. He was a bumbling idiot who couldn’t handle his responsibilities in Vegas on behalf of his younger brother Mikey when he took over the family business ahead of Michael. Then, to top it all off, he goes and tries to have his brother killed, but ends up getting whacked himself.

Each year, the Astros begin Spring Training with hope in the air, and the promise of better things to come than the defecations of prior seasons. They do enough in the off-season through free agency or trades to provide the glimmer of hope, only for it to all come crashing down after a series of poor pitching outings and lackluster hitting. They’ve never had real success, tasting a little when making the World Series in 2004, but getting ass-raped by the White Sox in a 4 game sweep. They have consistently disappointed year in, year out (just like Fredo after being sent to Las Vegas), until they will eventually try to have one of the other teams killed due to them doing better than him.

The Rockets would have to be the Vito Corleone of Houston. They’ve had the success, winning two championships back to back. The Oilers could be Sonny Corleone, being that they were taken from Houston in their prime (fuck you, Bud), much like Sonny being mowed down at the tollbooth.

So, who is Michael Corleone? I’d have to go with the Texans .  They are the up and coming franchise in the area, and they’ve been making all the right moves. They have the most potential for success, with a crop of young stars poised to rise to the top of the NFL, and a calculated management strategy from Rick Smith. I think drafting Mario over Reggie was their equivalent of Michael killing Solazzo and the police chief after the attempt on his father’s life. Someone had to do it, and it took a while for it to pay off, but in the end, it proved to be the right thing to do.

So Astros, you better shape up and pull off one of those late season runs you’re so fond of that just might redeem yourselves in the eyes of Houstonians. Or else, you may find yourselves alone with Al Neri on a boat in a lake reciting a Hail Mary….

-  Wanks MacGruber

Image from here

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