Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
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Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
You made.... the Team of Love
Ok, I’ll admit it. I have a man-crush on UH head football coach Kevin Sumlin. Not a homo-erotic man crush like THE Random Guy has on Goldfish, Reginald Blackistone, or little boys making him a card carrying member of NAMBLA. Maybe, more along the lines of his man-crush on Bill Simmons. It was man-crush at first sight when he was announced as a candidate for the job November-December 2007.
Since then, everything Sumlin has done so far has impressed me, including this new announcement.
May 18, 2009
HOUSTON – The University of Houston and head coach Kevin Sumlin will host Football 101 for Women, presented by State Farm, on Wednesday, June 3, from 6:30 to 9:00 p.m. in the Carl Lewis Auditorium, inside the Athletics/Alumni Center.
Female Cougar fans will have the opportunity to learn football’s basic fundamentals and strategies from Sumlin and staff. Attendees will participate in defensive and offensive drills, strength and conditioning and experience on-field demonstrations.
“State Farm is proud to present the second annual University of Houston Cougar Football 101 for Women on June 3,” said Tanya Byrd, Events and Sports Marketing Specialist for State Farm Insurance. “This is such a fun event and it truly is a great opportunity for all women to support the UH football program and experience a little female camaraderie. It is also a great way to support our entire community as the UH football games are family affairs.”
My first reaction was that Coach Kevin Sumlin (CKS), really cares about us as fans. Instead of leaving it up to us to get frustrated explaining football to our girlfriends/wives (or other man-crushes in TRG’s case) when we bring them to UH games, he will do it for us. How thoughtful of him to consider the strain put on our relationships when we have to explain why our player getting tackled in our endzone is a bad thing and not a good thing, while extremely drunk from 6 hours of tailgating pissed that we just gave up a safety.
But then the announcement continues “Dinner will also be served from 6-6:30 p.m. before the program begins. Participants must be at least 18 years of age to attend.”
Dinner? 18 years of age? hmmm…. Kudos to you CKS and your finely tuned skills with the ladies! While we all think that you are doing something to make UH games a more family friendly event, you are actually hosting an event looking for women to hook-up with true love.
Where is our freaking marketing department? We need to be using this to our advantage! This could be a reality series like the Bachelor or Flavor/Rock of Love.
Think about it… Reverse the clinic and dinner. Make the drills the women compete in the “competition for the date” part of the episode. CKS will then choose winners based on who he wants to bang the most, not on performance what-so-ever. The winners can then “hit the showers” and go to the dinner portion of the show.
Finally, after the dinner portion (and multiple commercial breaks to build suspense), it will be time for the “rose ceremony” or maybe in our case a jersey ceremony. The whole gimmick here is that the girls who didn’t make it “get cut from the team”, and the winner makes the “Team of Love” which will also double as the title of the show.
We will make sure some hot young college coed wins the whole thing (not quite a gerbil [1:35 mark] but close), so that we will need to bring the show back. Then, next year when we bring it back we can call it “Team of Love 2: Cougar Edition” in which all of the contestants will be bonafide cougars (and I’m not talking about UH alums…. get it? get it?… Cougars?), because CKS needs someone a little older to… um… take care of his needs.
This is the season where our crazy contestant takes it over and either gets first or second. This way we can then spin off (think I Love New York), and she can do a show looking for UH athletes called… wait for it… wait for it… “Cougars Hunting Cougars.” I have no idea whether this is against NCAA rules or not, but it would be freaking awesome.
Think about all the ways this helps UH. Tons of female fans interested in either being on the shows, or just watching them (bringing a lot more scenery to the stands on game days as well gentlemen). Recruits being interested in our programs because of the extra exposure they will get (Don’t you tell me that the likes of Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and Mark Sanchez would not have been all over this spotlight). Advertising revenue from TV show and more televised games. Tell me again why this isn’t happening?
Maybe I should apply to be director of UH sports marketing.
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How is THE Random Guy supposed to get in on this if it’s not going to be a bi-sexual lovefest like “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila”?
Don’t tell me TRG’s going to have to resort to cross-dressing again… That didn’t end well. In Reginald Blackstone’s defense though, TRG makes a handsome woman.
did you know that Tila Tequila with to my HS alma mater alief hastings?
Is there anyone that didn’t go to your HS?
Look at Big Hitter with the connections… From skanky reality stars to millionaire software moguls… Is there anyone you don’t know?
Moores went to AMS and went to Hastings just for the 9th grade. After his Dad’s company took off, they moved to Sugar Land and left the rest of us to our squalid garretts in Alief.
I think if you look at the Hastings wiki page, it has all of the “famous” alums on it. You won’t see my name tho. :o
one sort of famous dude I met at UH (we had an engrish class together, I think it was drama) is T. Sean Shannon, who’s now a comedy writer – he had a standup routine at a club off of shepherd and san felipe
he was also in the movie “the aristocrats” – I think he got in trouble for that dirty sanchez joke
I’m thinking about starting a blog about my experiences living at UH – I’m going to call it calhounandwheeler (j/k)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alief_Hastings_High_School
oh yeah, one of our bestest evar football players went to hastings
How about this, Janeane Garofalo went to Katy Taylor high school, my alma mater. Not sure if that’s something I should be proud of though…
not to piss on your campfire or anything but isn’t coach sumlin married?
SHHHHHHHH! Don’t ruin TRG’s fantasy! Nobody needs to know. Keep it on the sly.
You know if CKS has to bang some skanky hotties, in the name of selling tickets and building the program, I’m sure he’ll jump on that grenade for us
speaking of which – you short knockers did renew your season tickets didn’t you?
if the answer is “no” then I assume you did in fact buy season tickets this year
please don’t disappoint me
I am curious as how this “TRG is gay and/or a cross-dresser (which you cretians seem to think is the same thing because you have no cultural competency) and/or a trannie” thing got started. It’s not that I mind, it’s just funny that I’m the only FaF writer man enough to sire offspring.
If you want to continue to jinx your swimmers, be my guest. I know you young’uns probably would prefer a low sperm count right now, but later you are going to want it to be as high as possible. And then after that you are going to want it to be as low as possible again.
My point is, I took very good care to not jinx my swimmers, but you guys are living on the edge.
Being married and/or having kids does not prove anything… I mean look at Jeff the Triathlete… Wait didn’t you guys start doing “tri’s” together