Adventures in Athlete/Fan Interactions from Across the Pond

Yes, I pop my collar, and tuck in my jersey, so what?

The gentleman above is one Eric Cantona. He was, at one point, considered by many to be amongst the greatest soccer players to ever play the beautiful game. He had everything: style, flair, French-ness, a phenomenal desire to win at all costs, and the brute strength to hold off players of any size. He scored incredible goals both from distance and from dribbling through an entire team and flicking the ball through the goalie’s legs.

But he also happened to be a crazy motherfucker. He had a bit of a temper, and unlike most Frenchmen (can you tell I dislike them strongly yet?), he would actually act upon said temper (could have used that in World War II! ZING!!!) should the need arise.

I bring this up because Ron Artest is a free agent this season, and the Rockets need to decide if they want to bring the crazy one back. He managed to curtail his inner beer-hurling-fan-hating demons this season after not quite doing that in the past (1:50 for the beginning of the awesomeness). This, plus the recent success of Manchester United, the fact that they play in the Champions League final this Wednesday (which I will be gladly skipping out of work early to watch and attempting to drive home afterwards without hitting stationary objects), plus this article I came across randomly, reminded me of another act of violence involving a professional player and a fan.

Cantona kicked a player as they ran next to each other. He got a red card for this, and apparently the fan had some not so kind words for him as he made his way to the dressing/locker room.  So he responded, appropriately, with a flying kung Fu kick to the chest of the accuser.

Cantona was sentenced to 120 hours of community service, after having an assault charge overturned. Not sure how that happened given the video, but I’ll take it. He was banned from soccer altogether for 9 months, and received some meaningless fines. The fan received a 7 day prison sentence for threatening language and behavior, and served 24 hours.

But it gets better. Here is the briefest and greatest press conference you will ever see:

A transcript, for those of you who don’t understand French accents:

“When seagulls follow a trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.Thank you very much.”

Beat that Artest. Or anyone. Finally, he topped it all off in 2007 by saying that it was the favorite moment of his career.

So Rockets, when you look to resign Crazy Ron, look beyond the bizarre behavior, the awesome raps, and instead see the fact that he is a god-awful shooter, and can’t dribble for shit. Please don’t resign him.

- Wanks MacGruber

Image stolen from a message board, so fuck them!!! Free images! Let’s use it on everything!!

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