Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
The one where we do full frontal disclosure…
Our mentor, financial advisor, and lover.
Gentlemen and Lady (who is probably a gentleman living in his parents basement), thank you for your presence at Fourth and Fifty’s First Annual Online Annual Blog Quarterly Stockholder Meeting. We’re pleased to not only talk about our current financial position (doggystyle) but our deep market penetration and also our growth strategem re: exploiting key synergies between sports and titties, which is truly original.
Fourth and Fifty executed a robust capitalization structure and scalable communications initiatives across several broad markets (particularly but not limited to “spamming other blogs” and “picking fights with anyone and everyone for attention”). Following is a summary of our Annual Report, but we feel our market value can be best described by our mentor, Donald Trump:
HIGHLIGHTS
Fourth and Fifty, LLC
Sales (per post): 0
Revenue (per post): 0
Weighted Average Cost of Capital: Eleventy Billion
Total Assets: -14
Total Liabilities: Wanks MacGruber*, Moose Knuckle
Stockholder’s Equity: Summary
Cash and Temporary Investments at the End of the Year: A dime and a nickel.
Moody’s Recommendation: Buy That Shit! Buy the Shit out of It!
On to your local and profitable H-Town Sports Updates:
Astros: 6-4 ‘Stros, but that got a little hairy at the end. Hairy like Reginald Blackstone’s mom’s back. Hahahaha Listen, I haven’t followed baseball since 1988 (true story, and don’t think my Orel Hershiser man-crush isn’t going to be an incredibly long post), but when the hell did the Brewers get good? I’m the only one on the site who doesn’t follow baseball (besides Moose Knuckle, but we’re not sure whether he is alive or dead or corporeal or what), so maybe this isn’t news to anyone else. I know the Brewers have the fat son of Cecil Fielder and that the mascots apparently don’t slide into beer anymore (damn Obama), but that’s about it.
Dynamoiis: The Dynamo don’t play for another few days, but in the interim take a look at the “conference” standings on their website. You’ll see in the “Eastern Standings”, whatever that means, that the top 2 teams have 6 ties each. What type of pussy ass shit is that? Ties are for 6 year olds, but then again so is soccer.
My Point of Personal Privilege: I don’t drugs, but in the name of science and advancement of knowledge…
this is copyright.
Texans: The Texans have a daily podcast. Today Coach Kubiak discusses Travis Johnson’s injury. Here is an excerpt:
Travis Johnson is struggling from acute vaginitis. This is a hereditary problem, given that both of his parents are titty babies who birthed, in turn, a titty baby. Travis is fat and lazy and is probably a very selfish lover. I imagine him like Fat Bastard, eating a turkey leg while some coked-up white whore goes to town. I imagine he is infinitely more interested in the turkey leg than in the whore. Maybe we should hire some sort of hypnotic specialist to convince Travis that there is a turkey leg in the opposing QB’s helmet. Then he’d move his fat ass.
Well, then.
Rockets: Top 5 Moments of the Season. Next, and this really isn’t about the Rockets, but I was upset that the Clippers won the lottery. Chance that this hurts Blake Griffin’s Career: 193%. That is the quintessential “bad fit”.
Coogs: Oh Noes! The Baseball Team is losing to UAB in the conference championship! Come on, Coogs, you can’t lose to the team with the gayest emblem in all of college athletics! Not that there is anything wrong with that.
*Wanks got us fake-sued, and he hates America.
Photo from: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00677/hair404a_677734n.jpg
8 Comments
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Donovan,
There can be ties in (American) Football too…
Your analysis is weak and shoddy. Where is the disclosure of the fact that we are about to ask Government Sachs for $5.7 billion to fund future expansion (to the Bahahmas)? I feel like this is something investors needs to know. If, in fact, we allowed investors, instead of hoarding everything for ourselves like good management teams do.
We need to head out to the failing Virgin Islands economy. Everything has gone to shit over there since the watch manufacturers skipped town. Plus, Pipez can be closer to Tim Duncan’s homeland. I’m just trying to take a page from the Stanford Group’s playbook (minus government seizure).
We also need to up our fund request to schfifty-five billion.
I’m just the messenger! If you want to do a real (fake) Annual Report or prospectus or whatever that takes more than 5 minutes, feel free. You guys are worse Monday Morning Quarterbacks than Dick Cheney is being right now…
Did Reginald Blackstone get a hold of TRG’s account or something?
You need to stop working out with 2CRB. His passive aggressive butt-hurtedness is rubbing off on you… (or, maybe that’s how you like it – ZING!)
I will begin hiring various consultants, auditors and investment bankers to start our IPO. It will come at massive expense, but I know you’re good for it.
Silly boy…there are no basements in Houston!! ;)
there’s at least one in the heights that has a basement, srsly