Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
We interrupt our widespread homerism to bring you a different kind of widespread homerism.
On Saturday, with a 0-0 tie against hated Arsenal, Manchester United (not the West University United Methodist Church, don’t get the logos confused) clinched their 18th first division title. The premier league has only been around since 1992 (and they’ve won 11 of those, thank you very much), before that it was called the First Division. Now, the First division is really the second division, and the second division is now the third. You get the point (that it’s retardedly set up). There’s one game remaining, but they cannot be topped.
United have won 18 titles in their history. That’s tied for first, with Liverpool, who, try as they might, couldn’t top the Red Devils this year. Liverpool was like the Lakers in this year’s NBA playoffs: they play well, get lucky, make it to the finish line, only to find that LeBron has completely ass-raped them while they stroke their vaginas. And they’re also both raging turd-burglars.
Their dominance has been more recent than Liverpool, with them winning the last 3 titles, and have won 11 out of the last 16, while also winning dozens of the other tournaments they play in each year (Champions League, FA Cup, the World Club Championship).
Most people argue that United are the Yankees of soccer, because they spend a lot of money, and everyone hates them. True, they’ve bought a lot of players over the years, and most people do hate them. Massive, all-encompassing success kind of does that. But they’ve raised a lot of talent through their young player academies. I don’t know much about the Yankees farm system, but I’m going to assume it, at some point, involved Mickey Mantle raping sheep.*
As a side note, approximately how long could a team in the U.S. survive if it’s name/nickname was the Red Devils?They’d be sued and harrassed more than I don’t count the New Jersey Devils, since no one watches hockey. Are you listening, Septimus? I’m glad your team lost!!!!
Next up for United is the Champions League final on May 27th against Barcelona. They won the tournament last year, defeating Chelsea, whom Barca beat this year. Barca will likely be without Thierry Henry, who, while being a French fairy, is somehow rather good at sports.
Man U to win it 3-1.
- Wanks MacGruber
*might not actually be true**
**pretty sure it isn’t true. But never say never, right?
Image from Skysports
6 Comments
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More like “blatant HOMO-ism”!!!!
HA!!! ZING!!!
Good year by ManU… not a fan, but they are damn good.
I would have picked Barca for the title, but their backline has been gutted by injuries (Marquez) and accumulated yellow cards and red cards (Abidal…albeit it was a phantom red card).
I think United wins, but I see it being a 3-2 or 4-3 shootout; however, I would love to see Barca take it.
you would, because you are a communist bastard.
Communist bastard? Is that all you got? Take the rest of the day off and go have some tea and crumpets, or bangors and mash, or whatever the hell you people eat…GOT IT! (Thanks Fuzzy)
Doesn’t Man U qualify as the real “America’s Team”….their primary sponsor is AIG (boldly displayed on the front of the jerseys) which is now owned by the American taxpayer.
Plus, they’re owned by the Glazers, an American family. So yes. However, no they are not America’s team, how dare you even suggest such a travesty.