Rockets are Living on a Prayer

 

Chuck is Living on a Prayer.

 

I don’t want to talk about Game 5, even though I’m contractually obligated to. The past is the past, and our name is our name. Let’s get it over with. It was a bad loss, but it was just a loss, and one that everyone expected. 118-78, bad guys ahead 3-2 in the series. Benedict Salvatore(pun!) took the Rox out of the game extra early be neutralizing the secret weapon that is Chuck “Wagon” Hayes. After Chuck picked up two personal fouls and left the game in the first quarter, the Lakers went on a 24-7 run or something like that. As Chuck Hayes goes, so goeth our season.

I meant to say this a few days ago, but the Yao-less Rockets living and dying by the 3 reminds me of one of those NCAA Tournament teams that can go from hot to cold very quickly. You never want to bet with or against them because they’re so damn mercurial. But 17% (5 for 29) is effing ridiculous.

Another concern is that while the Lakers won easily, Kobe didn’t get the “FU” game out of his system. He had 26 in 31 mins and his team had their vengeance, but I don’t get the sense that he had his personal vengeance.  If that makes sense.

Last thing before moving on to the future, Brian Cook is now my second least favorite Laker, behind Double Chin Beard Lakers Cheerleader Tracie MissGradie.  You heard that right – Cook’s pass to his teammate Trevor Ariza in the 3rd quarter was a thing of beauty. Oh, was that a turnover? Does Cook play for the Rockets? Bullshit. Cook is also 2nd Team All Potbelly, behind Brian Scalabrine at the 4 spot.

Ok, that robust Game 5 coverage should satiate your appetite for historical knowledge of things that happened last night. Let’s move ahead and at least get to the Bon Jovi reference…

Dear Houston, we have to hold on to what we got. It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not. We’ve got each other, and that’s enough. For love. WE’LL GIVE IT A SHOT!

This Rockets team is one that everyone counted out as serious playoff contenders after McGrady went down. Well, everyone who had never watched a Rockets game and gave a blind opinion on such matters. I’m looking at you, NBA Fast Break and NBATV. Might I remind you of something, please?

Is his cherry popped by osmosis?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A number of people (2, which is a number) are saying that this is one of their favorite Rockets teams because it is such a scrappy underdog. But we’ve also used that to justify giving ourselves a shot against the Lakers, Nuggets, and then Cavs. Everyone at FaF picked the Rockets in 7, and we’re the homers that would have predicted a sweep if there was a 1% chance of that happening. But just to inject a quick dose of reality, let’s look at our current lineup.

PG – Petsmart Big Timer and Normal Sized Person Aaron Brooks

SG – The No-Stats All Star Shane Battier (sometimes stats are good things – take “points”, for example. points are good things)

SF – “So Hood” Crazy Ass Ron Artest, who may do one of the following things in Game 6: score 30, take 70 shots, bite the head off a live chicken, do the crypt walk, make out with Yao Ming. Please keep in mind these things are not mutually exclusive.

PF – The guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. 

Luis Scola is multi-talented.

Center – A 6’5″ non-drafted D-League player who has the worst offensive game of any Rocket since Ryan Bowen.

And we’re going up against the best player in the last decade, two other legitimate all-stars, the center of the future (if he ever goes through puberty), and the most evil coach in basketball. This doesn’t mean we should give up hope. It does mean that WE’VE GOT TO HOLD ON

TO WHAT WE’VE GOT

IT DOESN’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF WE MAKE IT OR NOT

WE’VE GOT EACH OTHER, AND THAT’S A LOT FOR LOVE.

GIVE IT A SHOT!!!!!!!

Rockets win Game 6 at home and slay the mighty Lakers in Game 7. Why? Because with 2 wins in the series, WE’RE HALFWAY THERE! Without Yao, we have to shoot a lot of 3s and we’re LIVING ON A PRAYER. If you TAKE DEKE’S HAND, YOU’LL MAKE IT I SWEAR.  WOOOOAHHH!  LIVING ON A PRAYER.

This is quite possibly the worst post we’ve ever done at FaF. But you might be glad to know that I originally started a post called “The Lakers are Pussy Ass Bitches” where all I did was post pictures of various Lakers and put “Pussy Ass Bitch” in the caption. Over and over. It was one of those deconstructionist pieces, like a one word poem. But when I woke up this morning, I thought what does the city of Houston (and/or the 5 people who will read this) need? The answer – a prayer.  And living on it. You’re welcome.

http://theassociation.blogs.com/the_association/chuck-hayes.jpg

http://www.bboke.cn/photo/mdvirgin.jpg

http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/russell-brand-forgetting-sarah-marshall-world-premiere-arrivals-1X7A5H.jpg

4 Comments

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Comments RSS