Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
The one where the… two, three, GO!
sofakingdrunk.com - need I say more?
I’m not willing to go so far as ESPN.com and call this “inspired” victory. “Desperate” is a better word. “Abso-fucking-lutely necessary” is the best.
After the game they interviewed the eloquent Dirk Notwitski who said “well we were just not ready to go home.” Hey, Dirk, YOU ARE HOME! If you’re admitting that you’re going home at some point why don’t you go ahead save everybody some time/money/hatred of Mark Cuban and stay there.
We are in a failing economy. Now the God-fearing men and women of Denver have to pony up to see their team when they could have saved the moola for the series against the Lakers no Rockets no Lakers no Rockets no Rockers!! It’s all your fault you big goofy German. Hard-working Americans don’t need you gasping back to life in this series.
Just. Go. Away. Mavericks.
On to your Houston sports updates:
TEXANS: GO BET NOW! I have no ideas on the legitimacy of sportsbookbettingpromotions.com but with that long of a URL they’ve got to have something going for them. I heard you pay by the character. Who would have thought the Texans would be underdogs before the season starts. Hurry up! Go prove Vegas wrong!
ROCKETS: You have your choice of Rockets commentary already: Conspiracy theory. SNL parody-parody. (un)Informative bullet points. At Fourth and Fifty you hit you not once, twice, but three times a lady with our pseudo-bloggerific ineptitude. Game tonight is going to be another late start. If Texas isn’t going to secede is there at least some way to abolish the West coast time zone?
ASTROS: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! (Nice shooting, Tex. – Ghostbusters? Anyone?) Since when does the Houston Press cover sports? Online? They are obviously declaring war on Fourth and Fifty. This shit ain’t cool. Look, HP, just give us the (very little) credit that we deserve and we will move on. We can all be friends. Stop coming on our turf and we promise we won’t report the easiest bars to score and eight ball in town. Capiche?
AEROS: Just when you thought nobody was looking… BLAMMO! Houston’s still in the play-offs. This could mark a significant sweep in second round action for Clutch City. The Aeros have game seven tonight. Unfortunately the game is away so all of the fans (read: none) that read this site are going to have to tune into their TVs, radios, live internet gamecast, FaF tomorrow to find out who won.
RICE UNIVERSITY: Chase Clement was waiting for the call he never got so he’s about to go slummin’ up in frozen North. I hear they’re pretty nice up there in Canada, Chase. No mean-nasty-crass Cougar fans to tell you that your women are ugly. Good luck!!!1!1!!1!
- S. Rex: Professional Blogger (amfoa* Sexy Rexy)
* = also made fun of as
[The caption wasn't lying. The photo is from SofaKingDrunk.com]
4 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
Re: Rockets – YOU’re the one who broke the rotation. Not me or Wanks. We were on the schedule. We puffed and puffed and gave. Stick to your own arbitrary rule system, Sexy Rexy.
And when Dirk said he didn’t want to go home, it meant he didn’t want to be caught by ICE/INS and deported. They only let winners stay in America. And whomever cleans the winners’ houses.
I consulted with myself to see if we should write a Game 4 recap. And self said, “yes, Sexy Rexy, I do think that we should have one such of those… and TRG said he wouldn’t be able to write in the morning, so he may not be able to write his post in the afternoon.” And then I said back to self, “you truly are a ‘professional,’ S. Rex: Professional Blogger.” And self said back, “word to yo’ mutha.”
Septimus, your psychiatrist called and said your anti-psychotic med refill is ready for pick-up
You dolt, Pipez, you’re confusing Psychotic Disorder with Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder). They’re not even on the same DSM-IV axis! http://psychcentral.com/disorders/
Idiot. You know what you have? Vaginismus. It’s exactly what it sounds like: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx97.htm