May 7th: Houston Sports FaF Smear (Houston Press, Dynamite & Donkey)

The one where we go on the offensive.  Again.  That was a double reverse pun.

Look closely and you'll find a nip. It is hidden in plain sight, just like Waldo.

It has been 21 days since the neo-Marxist Houston Press refused to name us Fastest Growing Houston Sports Blog By Cool Dudes Who Don’t Live in Their Parents’ Basement.  We even laid out the case in a strongly-worded letter. What the heck, Houston Press? You probably don’t even get around to thinking about the awards until November, but 3 weeks is way beyond a blog’s half-life, and we have the attention span of a gnat. If you think you’re so cool,why don’t you move to Austin and hang out with your friends at SXSW? We’ve been increasing our readership 40-50% every month for the last few months thanks to word of mouth and quality journalism pejorative falsehoods. The squeaky wheel deserves the grease.  Gimme some motherfucking grease on this motherfucking blog!  Why, you ask?  Here is a short list of our many accomplishments:

• We talked about penises here.
• We drew penises: here and here.
• We posted semi-naked pictures of men here and here.
• We got sued here.

What more could you want, Houston Press?  Andohbytheway, if you ever need to search for “donkey and dynamite in the same picture” (and who doesn’t?), you can always come to our site. Apparently that is one of the search terms that leads to Fourth and Fifty (below). On to your Houston Sports Updates:

Rockets: 111-89 Lakers. ZOMG. If I was a twitterrerer, this is what you would have seen last night: 

• Nooooooooooooo!
• Yesssssssssssssss!
• Getting ugly…
• MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!

 

Don't leave a hickie.

This is really getting ugly. I’m also worried that these late starts are impacting local business productivity, which is going to hurt our local economy. Damn you, Los Angeles. One other thing - I should have said this after game 1, but I worried that as devastating as the Battier Face Guard is, if it is his only move, eventually Kobe will get used to it. Mix it up, Senator Battier – throw in an elbow or a nut shot every now and again. Everyone else is.

Astros:  Yaay Astros! Way to give up 4 runs in the first inning! The good news is, we outscored the Cubs 3-2 in the the other 8 innings, so really we won 8 to 1. This brings our moral victory record to 3-24.

Texans: Let’s talk position coaches. And don’t think this level of detail won’t be a staple of the fertile completely barren summer sports months. Bill Kollar is the Texans’ new defensive line coach. Here is an interview we ESPN’s Paul Kuharsky did with BK. He seems like the right man for the job.

Search Terms: My obligatory derivation. The best part about blogging, other than the hos, is screwing around on the admin function of the blog. For example, just yesterday people came to our humble blog after keystroking the following terms:

• donkey and dynamite in same picture
• nut shot
• nude men
• swine flu update
• man tits
• venezuelan girl drunk

My favorite of all time is “boobies out”. As opposed to boobies in. Yes, our mothers are proud. And so is yours – she told me so last night, right after the donkey and the dynamite.

Coogs: Former Coog Football WR and spellcheck killah Biren Ealy was arrested on May 3 for indecent exposure. Apparently it is against the law to invite ladies to the party in your pants and then show them said party. Who knew? It makes me long for a simpler time, a time when men could be men:

Aeros: Game 3 against the Admirals tonight. Series tied 1-1.

First photo from houstonpress.com. Second from espn.com

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