Is ESPN Smarter than a Baby?

And on my left, the cause of the recession.

You’ll recall that all the ESPN experts made their NBA playoff predictions, as did my newborn baby.  I asked her who she liked better for each series, and she responded via coo, smile, or frown, or by spitting up.

Please note I didn’t even pick on the knuckleheads out there, whether at ESPN or the other networks/websites. The guys below, minus Jalen Rose, are serious basketball minds. If ESPN ever asks for a bailout, I’m going to picket their office with a “Fire J-Ro” shirt on my back.  So who do you think did better, the well-compensated analysts, or a Random Baby? Let’s go to the graph:

	LA/Uta	Den/NO	Dal/SA	Hou/Port	Cle/Det	Bos/Chi	Orl/Phi	Mia/Atl	Total %
Abbot	LA	NO	Dal	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Atl	6/8
Adande	LA	Den	SA	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Atl	6/8
Broussard	LA	Den	SA	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Atl	6/8
Ford	LA	Den	Dal	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Mia	6/8
Hollinger	LA	Den	Dal	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Atl	7/8
Legler	LA	Den	SA	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Atl	6/8
Rose	LA	Den	Dal	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Mia	6/8
Sheridan	LA	Den	Dal	Hou	Cle	Bos	Orl	Mia	7/8
Stein	LA	Den	Dal	Hou	Cle	Bos	Orl	Mia	7/8
Thorpe	LA	Den	SA	Hou	Cle	Bos	Orl	Atl	7/8
Random Baby	LA	Den	Dal	Port	Cle	Bos	Orl	Mia	6/8
Final	LA	Den	Dal	Hou	Cle	Bos	Orl	Atl

About the same, actually. Four analysts had 7 of 8 series correct, and the other six had 6 of 8, which is what Random Baby had. I was gunning for Miami to win because Random Baby would have tied for third, behind only Sheidan and Stein. This seems like an opportune time to mention that Simmons picked the Blazers in 5.

Now, one could take issue with the sample size and other statistical problems, especially because each analyst did fairly well (although some of them are lucky Hotlanta stepped up).  My response? Screw you, “one”! My newborn baby did as well as most of the experts. This leads to one of three conclusions.

1. She is a savant (please God let this be true so I can go all Biff’s 1985 Sports Almanac with her in Vegas).
2. She got lucky (counterpoint: this is the third clinical trial, and she’s aced all three).
3. Sports really aren’t as complicated as we make them out to be.

Not that all analysis is unwarranted – God forbid we go back to the dark ages of sports analysis. This still exists in some corners of the world – case in point – John McClain’s “Aaah juuust think that Vince Young is a nice Christian boy who loves to play football…”.  The point is, maybe just maybe there isn’t some magical chasm between the experts and you and I. Just watch the games and enjoy them for the entertainment that they are.

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