The one where I put on for my city.
Welcome to my first smear. Much like Scott from Season 5 of The Wire, I’ve been promoted due to general incompetence and flat-out lies. Now, just like Scott, I want my Pulitzer. You hear me, Houston Press? Rookie Blogger of the Quarter or some such. Why an award for validation? Because the Jesus pieces can’t give me peace, yo. Sorry, Moose Knuckle, you’re ruled ineligible due to the fact that you only cover one sport and Jon Lovitz is the “master” of that “sport”. Pledge.
Here are your local H-Town sports updates. And yes, it is 4/20 somewhere.
Texans - With one week until the draft, Gary Kubiak is doing important and timely things like giving coaching clinics in Colorado. While he was there, he also pre-drafted seven Colorado State players and traded for three Broncos. Says Kubiak, “It’s what I was going to do anyway. Colorado for life, son.”**
Rockets – Telling everyone who picked or bet against them to “STFU”. Well, everyone except babies. Apparently Joe Pryzbilla wanted to guard Yao one on one. (Even Mrs. Pryzbilla thinks that is a bad idea. Joel Pryzbilla would have a bearded wife.) It is indeed “on your shoulders”, you Full Metal Jacket-looking mope. Next smackdown is Tuesday night, waaaay past THE Random Bedtime. Damn you, West Coast. We don’t really have an agrarian economic system anymore. Do we still need time zones?
Comets – Still dead. If you get sentimental thinking about Tina Thompson, here are some nostalgic pics.
Astros - Lost 4-2 to the Reds (from Cincinnati, not Russia. Get it? Reds? Communists? Never mind). They play the Reds again tonight, which will probably give Reginald Blackstone another ulcer. In other news, apparently the Astros have already started into “no one believes in us” mode. The problem is, that tactic only works if the team doesn’t suck. No pitching, subpar defense, lack of timely hitting. I’d be more worried if someone did believe in them.
Aeros – The Aeros are up 2-1 over the Peoria Rivermen. Which makes sense when you think about the team nicknames. Aeros are dive bombers and Rivermen are the guys who drink moonshine and paddle up and down the river like Huck Finn. Pwnage. Let’s just hope the next series isn’t against the Ft. Lauderdale Anti-Aircraft Defense Systems. And boom goes the dynamite. Best part about going to an Aeros game? Yelling, “Hey Rivermen. PUCK YOU!!!” One could do that tonight at 7:05 pm at the Toyota Center. Best $10 you’ll ever spend on this side of the border.
Dynamos – The Dynamos (a friend at work refuses to believe that “Dynamo” is both plural and singular) beat the Colorado Rapids 1-0 on a Brian Ching goal at the 20th minute. The Rapids had more yellow cards (3) than shots on goal (2). Come on, Colorado, yellow cards are like getting to second base with a lady-friend. Grow a pair or don’t come to Club Robertson Stadium anymore. Watch the video, foolz.
University of Houston - Coogs baseball team beat Memphis 8-5. Next up is THE Random Baby Momma’s first college, Stephen F. Austin. We’re only 30 games under 500. Bad year for Houston baseball.
Rice University – Breaking News – Rice Girls Are Ugly. Actually, that isn’t so breaking. Here is Rice admitting it. Us cool dudes at Fourth and Fifty actually make Rice Girls Are Ugly t-shirts every year for the Nerd Bowl. (Don’t start shit, Donkey Show and El Rat – that’s my motherfucking intellectual property.) You will see from the wikipedia page that UH wins this “matchup” at a robust 250% clip. Rice actually does hold the answer to many of life’s questions. What down is it? Third and Nerd. What comes out of a Chinaman’s ass? Rice, Rice, Rice. Et cetera.
**We can neither confirm nor deny that Kubiak did or said these things. But would it really surprise anyone if he had?
10 Comments
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What time zone is Fourth and Fifty in? Is it the 20th already?
Chinese standard time. Don’t outsource your product and then complain about it. Long live Chairman Mao!
More than few Communist references in there Random Guy. Tone it down or I’ll inform McCarthy, assuming the Spooks haven’t taken note of your falling red star already.
TK, you’ve finally crossed the line. I’m going to beat you over the head with the book that is in my hand right now (http://openlibrary.org/b/OL14283374M/new-Communist-manifesto).
- Comrade Random
I’m still pissed, TK. This is what I’m going to do to you when I catch you:
Stop trying to start another internet fight. One’s enough for the day.
So can I assume by that video that a) I’m your teacher and b) you’re a woman? I know the footage in question certainly does not represent me. So now I understand the anger. Well done Ruski!
I heard Kanye likes fish sticks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEbkCo5oZJ8&feature=related
where can i find a rice girls are ugly shirt???
Come by the FaF tailgate on gameday and we’ll be selling some.