An all too familiar sight for Rockets fans
I don’t pretend to know much about “Basketball.” However, I am man enough to make bold predictions with little to no research to back them up.
The Rockets manage to tank in the final few minutes of the final regular season game, taking them out of the two seed, and into the 5 seed. But do not let this little mishap, which cost them home court advantage for most of the playoffs, fool you into thinking they will do the same in the games that really count. The reason is simple: no Tracy McGrady.
Coco the Gorilla
That, my friends, is the gorilla on Tracy’s back. He hasn’t made it out of the first-round, and he’s supposed to be a superstar. It’s all because of this gorilla, whom we’ll call Coco,who continuously picks fleas off him when he’s shooting threes, and pounds on the back of his head when driving the line. And this year, he won’t get the chance to kill Coco with a large metal pole in order to make it out of the first round, because he’s hurt. That’s unfortunate. Now, Coco will turn into one of those fucking insane gorillas from Congo. That’s no-beuno for anyone. After all, they can only be destroyed by lasers, and to my knowledge,* there are actually no such things as portable laser weapons.
However, for the rest of the team, this is awesome. The lack of T-Mac (see what I did there?) actually improved the team’s play during the year. This will carry over into the playoffs. With the media not berating one of the players for being a playoff failure, they can relax some, and come and dominate the Trailblazers. Yao will make Old Man River his bitch.
This guy compares the Rockets to Worm from Rounders, in that we never live up to our potential. Fuck that shit. The Rockets are Joey Knish: calm, collected, and a fan of steam baths.
Rockets in 5.
- Wanks MacGruber
*which is vast
6 Comments
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I’m going with my blood (THE Random Baby) and against my heart. Blazers in 7. When y’all have children (assuming your boys actually swim), you will understand.
Benedict.
I can has Rockets in six?
I’m sorry, but a woman color commentator for a Saturday night playoff game? really?
I’m glad I’m not the first one to say it…
That’s not as bad as a woman named Nancy Liberman doing any sort of on-camera activity. She scares the bejeesus out of me, and I think she made Derrick Rose wet his pants a little.