Gimme ze awardz!
Dear Houston Press,
I’m writing to ask you to end your longstanding discrimination against one of the most disenfranchised and misunderstood (and legally-protected) classes, bloggers. Your Best Of awards doesn’t have a “Fastest Growing Houston Sports Blog By Cool Dudes Who Don’t Live in Their Parent’s Basement” award. What the fuck? At this point last year, 4th and 50 (http://fourthandfifty.com/) had zero readers, and now we have more than zero. Anything divided by zero is infinity, so it is mathematically unpossible to have a faster growing blog. Unpossible! Besides, there aren’t many basements in Houston because we’re at sea level.
Obama won and we want our socialist entitlement award. I’m not saying if you don’t comply, we’ll sue you, but we’re also not taking the option off the table. I also politely request to be named “Rookie Blogger of the Quarter”. Look at white-hot shit that doesn’t smell like shit in a bad way: http://fourthandfifty.com/author/randomguyemeritus/. There is another new guy but all he does is talk about golf; so fuck him.
Again, I’m hopeful we can come to an amicable resolution. Please don’t think this is a trite ploy to drive traffic to our blog (http://fourthandfifty.com/). We just haven’t been involved in a good class-action lawsuit since Fen-Phen and figured it was about time to get back in the game. If not a lawsuit, maybe some good old demagoguery – we’ll start a counter tracking how many days it has been since the elitist Houston Press refused to name 4th and 50 “Fastest Growing Houston Sports Blog By Cool Dudes Who Don’t Live in Their Parent’s Basement”. The ensuing Facebook petition will be like 12 names long. The voice of the people is the voice of God. Tremble in your communist boots.
Thank you for your consideration of this matter,
THE Random Guy
Junior Vice President for Rabblerousing and Miscreancy
Fourth and Fifty, LLC
[Photo from HoustonPress.com]
4 Comments
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Whoa whoa whoa. When did we decide on an LLC structure? Don’t you realize that legal statutes aren’t yet solidified for treating LLC members as shielded from primary liability?!??!!?
You’d better make sure your mom is shielded from my legal statutes. I do two things: make babies (per the last post) and drink beer. And I’m almost out of beer.
Dominant male monkey mother fucker!!!
Dazed and Confused? Anyone?
Ha!