Daily Faf Smear (4/2/09)

The one where “don’t take this the wrong way, but you type pretty fast for not being a girl.”

Look, I'm so cool and desirable. You can tell by my slightly skewed hat.

I hate to see a messy break-up.  You leave a couple too many things at her place, some peripheral needs like a razor or toothbrush or your dog.  All of a sudden it’s over and the war-games begin.  Your razor’s in the bushes, toothbrush is on the roof and your dog now answers to a girl’s name and wears a slicker and galoshes.  That’s no way for an Viszla to be dressed.

This business in Denver is getting a little too nonsensical at this point.  We’re getting to the point where phone numbers will be changed, someone will have to leave town to restore the peace and a slew of angry facebook status updates (i.e. “Want to know why I called you a bitch?  Because you’re a BITCH, bitch.”) are going to start popping up.

Sports media is the mutual friend in all this.  They are taking it all in, filtering it (albeit not very well) and telling the rest of the world the drama.  Let’s admit it.  It’s fascinating.  I’m reliving every break-up I’ve ever had all at once.  This, by far, is my favorite one though: “I called him to tell him it was over,” “They NEVER called!! Oh, the horror! How could you do this to me?!  I broke up with you FIRST!!” ( Excessive punctuation is definitely needed.)

So, that’s the story right now.  Jay Cutler asked to be broken up, then said he didn’t say that, then AWCKED at the idea that the Bronco’s wanted to break up with him and now he may or may not be ignoring the messages left to him by the Broncos.  That’s some classy stuff.  But, hey… look at it this way:  Yay two Christmases!! (at the 2:20 mark)

Here are your less dramatic Houston sports updates:

Texans:  Well, the NFL landscape in Houston isn’t necessarily as dramatic as Denver though we’re trying hard.  Well, Dunta is trying hard.  He’s still a little pissy because of that whole “franchise tag” thingamajig.  Ah, shut up.  Take the money.  Play hard and get your contract renewed next year.  Geez.  Oh, and Faggins is officially a Titan, not like pre-Greek god “Titan”… the NFL team in Tennessee.

Rockets:  I feel like the Rockets haven’t played in a few months at this point.  They didn’t necessarily play like they were in the groove last night.  They fell to the Phoenix Suns 114-109.  The Rockets are back to there old “non-closer” ways letting the Suns make a 15-0 run in the fourth quarter to come from behind for the win.  I’m not even going to link to my favorite 10 minute video I’m so disgusted.

Astros:  Houston is the proud new employer of Jeff Keppinger.  The Astros signed the journeyman Player to be Named Later to the Reds for the services of the short stop, Keppinger.  Nothing more to see here.

Dynamo:  ADE AKINBIYI!

University of Houston:  Patrick Edwards’ feud with band carts (you may not want to watch that video if you have you can’t handle video of a compound fracture) continues.  He’s considering suing Marshall in the event that his return to football is less than stellar this fall.  I can’t even believe that this kid is ready to play.  I’d still be trying to capitalize on the sympathy sex if I were him… Unless of course he’s able to pull off the “sympathy-sex-but-still-able-to-play” maneuver.  I’ve only read about that in fairy tales though.

- Septimus Rex