Sir Edmund Hillary’s Theory of Intrinsic Motivation Regarding the Longhorns

F1RST!!@!11!!1 Noob.

Reginald Blackstone recently brought up an interesting question about the essence of hate. Is it nature or nurture? In Reggie’s case, it happens to be 100% nurture, since he is the grandson of the recently late Sir Edmund Percival Hillary. Sir Hillary was the first man to reach the summit of Mount Everest and also the force behind a mediocre line of camping tents.

When Sir Hillary was asked why he climbed Everest, he gave a compelling description of the external expression of man’s soul. The complete transcript is available online – http://teacher.scholastic.com/activities/hillary/hilltran.htm

I’ve pulled an excerpt because I think it helps understand Reginald:

Interviewer: Sir Edmund Hillary, simply put, why did you climb Mount Everest?

Hillary: That’s an interesting question. I climbed Mount Everest because fuck UT. Fuck them in their stupid asses. Most of their fans never even went to college. They can lick the sweat off my balls. I’d rather have sex with one of the goats the Sherpa brought up Everest than go to UT. And fuck A&M, too. Inbred hicks. I’m too quick up on my toes to get caught up with you ho’s. And Rice – I know at some point in the future you and the University of Houston will start playing American football every year, in a kind of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” quid pro quo. But the funny thing about my back is that it’s located on my cock [Ed. Note - Sir Edmund Hillary penned the original Superbad screenplay]. Hey Rice, I “mobbed” your mother last night. Me and the homeys.

Interviewer: Sir, I’m not sure that’s terribly appropriate…

Hillary: I don’t give a fuck! I’m Sir Edmund Hillary, bitch! You’d better walk it out before I put two in your dome, son. I’ll regulate like that Warren G. song that won’t be released for another 20 years. You don’t know me. You don’t know the shit I been through.

Interviewer: That about wraps it up. I’d like to thank Sir Edmund Hillary for…

Hillary: You’d best get to stepping before I load this clip. Detroit, what?

So examined through a historical lens, one can’t blame Reginald for his vitriol. We like to think of ourselves as autonomous beings, but we are all impacted by culture, personal and familial history and the events that shape our perspectives and our destiny.  A contempt for the University of Texas is especially justifiable if not a moral obligation.

- THE Random Guy