Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
The one where you better get the fuck up off my Lucky Charms, B.
Gonna get me some of that... Sans green food coloring.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Beware of the Patty Nazis that will berate you for not wearing green. Appease them. Just wear green. Have an excuse. Just don’t not care [Ed. Note - I'm loving and sticking by that double negative]. Their power knows no limits. They have the Leprechauns on their side. Don’t fuck with Leprechauns.
So, may the luck of the Irish be with you on this holy of holiest drinking holidays. Apparently Carl Landry already made good on that luck this morning. Let’s keep the momentum going.
Up ahead are your Houston sports updates:
Texans: Just in case you’ve missed it because your part of the <2% of America that doesn’t have ESPN, Jay Cutler has asked to be traded from the Broncos! Kubiak has not yet awoken from fainting over his wet dream coming true. Our sources are telling Fourth and Fifty that a three player deal is in the works between KC, Denver and Houston. Cassel to Denver. Cutler to Houston. Orlovsky to Kansas City. Kansas City was just messing with you when they appeared to want to improve their team. No worries. Order will be maintained and they will remain at the bottom of the standings.
Rockets: Yao Ming didn’t make it on the court last night with “flu-like symptoms.” The Houston Rockets managed to turn on the after-burners and beat the Hornets with some great play in the second half, 95-84. All this win did was reaffirm my love of Dikembe Mutumbo… mostly for quotes like this:
“Just because a guy doesn’t play, or the coaches don’t give him a chance to play, that doesn’t mean all those young kids can come in trying to find a way to dunk. I asked him (second-year forward Julian Wright) one time, ‘Don’t you watch NBA Classic?’ You need to see it.’” – chron.com
Astros: Pudge is officially an Astro. Rodriguez signed a one-year deal yesterday. This is good news for all those fans out there that were waiting to cheer for a player at the tail-end of their career that will under-perform. It’s like Biggio never left… and never moved from catcher to second base. Yay! We finally have a dumb nickname on the roster. Go! I-Rod! Go!
Houston Cougars: We’re going to have a bit of a treat either today or tomorrow. A Q&A session with an Oregon State fan site that found us the other day. Who says the CBI doesn’t matter? It matters to us because it’s the only way that people realize our existence. We’re not above taking the pity interview by a non-traditional-media representative.
- Septimus Rex
[Photo from this guy who writes for this site]
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I am going to have the green shits tomorrow. Book it!
Protestants wear orange. Catholics wear green.
Pinch me. I fucking dare you.
How come Rex gets to curse in his rant title whereas I get stuck with something like “Clyde Drexler Makes Me Dumber”. WFT? Why not just put “Clyde Drexler is not as Smart as Others, But Jesus Still Loves Him”? The original, and real title, was Stupid Shit Clyde Drexler Says. The cursing is necessary to convey my antipathy. Antipathy.
Because I am the master. You will learn, grasshopper.