Daily FaF Smear (3/9/09)

The one where you can just go around the corner for a blowskie.

The only thing better than Charles' FT shooting is his golf game.

Call me a scum bag… no, seriously.  Just do it now and get it out of the way…

Ok, now that we have that over with, thank goodness Charles is only getting 3 days in prison.  I don’t think that we can send a message to America’s youth that you will be punished for drinking, driving and soliciting sex of the oral variety.  What kind of place is that?  I know that’s not called America.  We bomb the shit out of places that don’t maintain the same freedom for their citizens.  I can’t even believe you’re going to throw this hero into a orange jumpsuit for a long weekend.  Who do you think you are Arizona?  Nobody likes you.  You smell funny and your holier than though attitude is a real downer.

Barkley started serving his (completely unfair) sentence this weekend and he’s probably out as this gets posted and the only I have to say is “hallelujah!”  This is an injustice that needs to stop.  We are a country founded on certain inalienable rights and I’ll be damned if you’re going to take those away from me.  You know that idiom about George Washington and the cherry tree?  He used the wood to construct an outhouse with a glory hole.  True story.  Fight for what makes this country great, America.  A hero’s welcome is due for Sir Charles.

Up ahead are your Houston Sports updates:

Texans:  There’s at least one person that’s excited that Dan Orlovsky is in Houston… and that’s Dan Orlovsky.  I would be excited too if someone wanted to pay me 3 million a year to forget how deep the endzone was.  I know that’s a low blow, but seriously, it happened.  You can’t misremember that.  Two of the most comically horrible plays of last year involve current and former back-ups for the Texans.  Is this something I need to be concerned about?

Rockets:  Houston has remembered how to beat bad teams recently and side-stepped the embarrassment of losing all meetings with the Griz this year.  Though, as we’ve said before, it’s quite admirable that the Rockets are willing to help a failing team out to feel a little good about themselves I’m going on record as saying “DO NOT WANT!”  Apparently we had to go out and trade for Kyle Lowry just to get some covert intelligence on Memphis’ game plan against us.  Seems expensive.  Lowry had 8 points and 9 assists in the 83-93 win.  Rockets get their coffee this morning.  Game against Denver tonight.

Astros:  I was going to write something on Wade Miller signing a minor league contract with the Toronto Blue Jays, but on second thought… fuck it.

Dynamo:  The Austin Aztecs and Dynamo played to a 2-2 draw on Saturday.  There are ties in soccer, just in case you forgot.  I’ll continue to try to remind you.  Austin was helped to the draw by an own goal from Wade Barrett.  Figures.  Austin always has to rely on Houston to bail it out.  Those assholes have been holding us down for years.  Go take your hills and shove them up your ass.

Cougars:  The Coogs finished out the regular season with a win against SMU securing the highly coveted 5 seed in the C-USA Conference Championship tourney.  This only sets UH up to play Memphis in the semifinal allowing for the possibility of beating Memphis, losing in the championship game and missing the Big Dance.  In fact, that’s what outcome I’m going to call now.  In baseball related news, the Coogs decided that losing just wasn’t their style and ended the 8 game skid.

- Septimus Rex

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