Septimus Rex
Johnny 5
Pipez
wanksmacgruber
Josh Being Josh
Moose Knuckle
They took their offensive line coach, Alex Gibbs. His son recently became defensive backs coach. Heisman Trophy winner Ron Dayne “played” here for two seasons of 3 yard gains. And of course, Gary Kubiak played 9 seasons for the Broncos, and ending up coaching them as OC and QB’s coach for 11 seasons.
While we haven’t had tremendous success from this incestual approach, yet, it’s coming. The British Royal family has thrived under the Incest System for hundreds of years. So it’s got to work for the Texans, right? Only if we execute one more transaction.
Merge with the Denver Broncos. Happens all the time in the business world. Company A likes what Company B does, so they use their product/service. They end up liking it so much that they decide to simply own it and gain all the benefits of said product/service. So they merge and all live happily ever after in a bathtub full of profits and synergies. Because no merger ever fails.
So let’s merge with Denver. We would gain the benefit of the thin air helping the kicking game, they wouldn’t have to play in the snow anymore. Their offensive line is way better than ours, they get to touch Andre Johnson’s biceps. We would even get to wear those bitchin’ hats that look like broncos you always see during their games. Only they would be a cross-bred bronco and texan. Whatever that would turn out to be. A tronco? A brexan? Basically, a large powerful horse with horns.
Incest for Success in 2009!
- Wanks MacGruber
11 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
I like the way you think sir. Think of the mascot potential. A horse with freaking horns. Almost like a Bi-Unicorn if you will. Or a Long-Horse? Or the other end of the spectrum, a Texan with a really large…well you know. See that’s funny because of the phrase, “Hung like a horse”. Get it?
The meger is a great idea. I mean coaches are like CEO’s anyways. They still get paid millions even when they drag their team into the dumper.
Then you take it the next step. Merge teams from different sports and combine the rules. Can you imagine having to try and steal second when you have the entire Colts defense making a goal line stand? Or using Yao Ming to block filed goals? Talk about entertainment. What if Tiger Woods got body checked by the Penguins everytime he made a 4-footer for birdie. What up!
And by the way, any mispelled words in my comments are merely a bonus for readers. How exactly has yet to be determined, but trust me. I’m a doctor.
The New York Yankees came darn close to this incest thing in the late 1950s with the Kansas City Athletics. The A’s best up-and-comers were typically traded up to the Yankees for the Bronx Bombers’ usually washed-up, aging former stars. NYY got A’s All-Star (and future HR king) Roger Maris in one of the more notable deals (in December 1959), which had (among others) World Series Perfect-Game Don Larson move down to the Yanks’ MLB “farm team.”
Here’s a link to a book on this odd — and infuriating to non-Yankee fans — arrangement:
Looks like the href tag didn’t work as advertised … here’s the URL and title of the book I referenced above:
href=”http://www.amazon.com/Kansas-City-Wrong-Half-Yankees/dp/0977743659″
title=”The Kansas City A’s and the Wrong Half of the Yankees: How the Yankees Controlled Two of the Eight American League Franchises During the 1950s by Jeff Katz”
[...] the Texans the excuse they need to fire Kubiak and hire Mike Shanahan. I mean we do pick up all of Denver’s other trash. What does this say about your team when you have players complaining about doing drills? They [...]
[...] Incest Approach Keeps on Giving As laid out previously, incestual relationships are apparently the way to go in the Houston Texans franchise. The Houston [...]
[...] Wanks MacGruber is by far the most talented utility blogger in the business. Give him a paper clip, shoe lace, can of lighter fluid and a pair of some cool-ass shades. All of a sudden you have genius beyond comprehension posts like Mario to Wear Frog Suit or Inside the NFL Annual Meeting or especially the exultant Incest for Success. [...]
[...] The time is now, Texans. Add to the roster another one of your incestual bretheren before someone else steals him [...]
[...] between the Broncos and Texans inclusive. Actually, I take that back. This move just makes the love between Denver and Houston even more incestuous than it already was. When does the wife-swapping [...]
[...] (or, the Theban plays if you want to get technical) think Romeo and Juliet but with more incest and death. You can’t say “no” to [...]
[...] Incest for Success – Another quinetessential Wanks post! [...]