Kevin Kolb’s glorious Super Bowl run came to an end last Sunday. His superior performance (17 for 34, 144 yards, 4 INT for a QB rating of 21.8. Hall of Fame-esque, I tell you.) during the season was instrumental in the Eagle’s regular season and playoff success. But this author feels that there is more out there for UH’s latest NFL success story. Namely, Detroit.
Yes, the Detroit Lions.
Earlier in the season, I thought the Eagles would surely trade away Donovan McNabb in the off-season in order to maximize his value before he tears his umbilical cord. However, with Kevin’s stellar performance this season, the time has come to cash in on his success and let McNabb run his course in Philly until he is found lifeless under a pile of old batteries. Even with Millen gone, the Lions organization is still full of retards who would be more than happy to give up virtually all of their draft picks (except for those precious 1st round WR picks, of course) for Kolb.
This will have a two-pronged effect: Philly can use said draft picks to acquire wide receivers that are not distracted by Playmate breasts, or a running back that will not decompose shortly. Detroit will acquire the Kolbatron.
What is the Kolbatron, you ask? It’s the result of combining our hero Kevin Kolb, with the awesome force of Megatron (Calvin Johnson, for the slower folks out there) at Ford Field. The QB-WR combo would be borderline unstoppable, unless Megan Fox attends the game. But who the fuck could perform with her within a 5 mile radius? Optimus Prime, perhaps, but that’s all.
Kolbatron will have the opportunity to vanquish the UH Cougar-Lions demons of Heisman Trophy winner Andre Ware, and continue his quest for world domination, or a Super Bowl, whichever comes first. Besides, it can’t be any worse than (insert 0-16/massive-economic-collapse/Matt-Millen-is-a-douche joke here), right?
- Wanks MacGruber
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I could perform with Megan Fox in a 5 mile radius… You know what I’m sayin!
Well I guess we know where Wanks gets his name. By the way I heard Vincent Young is autographing baby pacifiers in Austin this Saturday.
Michael Bay thinks this post needs more explosions.
Would Kolbatron be an autobot or a deceptacon?
Difficult question, but I think ultimately an autobot. He’d be able to overcome Megatron’s evilness with his superior cannon arm.
So Pipez, Are you saying that you would crawl across broken glass for a mile just to hear Megan Fox fart through a walkie-talkie? Cuz I would. Too extreme?
[...] of Houston forever. We will make the big time in the NFL at some point. You stuck the Kolbatron on the back burner after he was drafted. You Brady Quinned him way too deep in the depth chart [...]
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